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Original poster

Re Partner Lying About Gym

27 replies

NotSureNo · 08/11/2023 16:22

Today I found out partner lied to me about buying a gym membership. He's been mentioning he wants to join the gym. He has a habit of going through fads and spending money on something and then not bothering with it again. One example, he decided he wanted to do hillwalking. He started researching, picked a location, set a date and bought him and DS some hiking boots. Unknowingly he'd booked it on a day that the dog was at the vets so he decided not to go because he wanted to go with the dog. He is still to arrange another day, the boots are gathering dust in the box and this was 8 months ago. As with many families money is tight and I am not keen on wasting money on unnecessary things like this.

He went to get some information at the gym, he'd already looked online and seen that you can pay monthly on a 12 month contract or pay and go with no contract involved. Knowing how he is with new interests I asked him not to sign up because he can pay and go for a while before he makes a decision to commit. He agreed and went. When he returned he said he had booked an induction for a few days time. Then he mentioned that he had been given a card to get in which I thought was strange but didn't think further. Fast forward a couple of days I noticed some paper on the floor that I thought was for recycling, it was in fact a contract for a years gym membership.

He's at work so I text him about it. He said he's sorry, he didn't want me to worry. I'm really upset he lied about it. He's always been really truthful in the past and that was something I really valued. He asked me if I was angry and I said I was upset and that I always valued that he was an honest person. He now asked if I think i'm blowing it out of proportion. I don't think I am but I could be...?

OP posts:
itsmyp4rty · 08/11/2023 16:38

He didn't tell you because he didn't want you to worry - the question is why does he think it's ok to do things behind your back that he knows would worry you?

Ju1ieAndrews · 08/11/2023 16:54

If he doesn't want you to worry, has he laid out a financial plan for how he's going to afford the gym membership without it having an impact on you or the DC?

Because it's either that or cancellation.

That said; gym membership costs vary hugely; it could be £30 to £150+ a month, so if it's at the lower end, coming out of his personal spends and he can afford it, exercising is a positive thing.

If it's coming out of family money and means the kids won't be getting presents this Xmas, that's a different matter.

Thesunsstillupthere · 08/11/2023 17:04

The issue is that he has proved he would rather lie to you than resolve differences of opinion through calm discussion like an adult.

I would be absolutely furious about the deceit. A bit mildly annoyed about the waste of money, but the issue is that he disrespectfully refused to have a difficult conversation with you and instead just lie. Ask him what else he thinks its ok to lie about? If he wants to take the kids motorbike racing and you say no its too dangerous will he agree with you then take them and lie? If he wants to spend £300 of family money a month on gambling and you don’t want that will he just go ahead and cover it up? So. Disrespectful. And so WEAK.

In a family you discuss things together and agree on what to do. He’s refused to do that. I would be livid.

goalgrey · 08/11/2023 17:05

I would be upset about him lying and also upset about him singing up is he's prone to quitting things!

Ohmylovejune · 08/11/2023 17:08

He's probably ADHD like me! Go all in and over the top and then struggle to maintain momentum.

I've a beautiful pencil set, and watercolours....and acrylics. And I've done 3 sketches and 1 painting!

Burnamer · 08/11/2023 17:11

How do you split finances? What do you spend on yourself? Does the gym bill mean something else is not getting paid?

He is an adult and I would be unimpressed if DH told me what I could spend.

RedCoffeeCup · 08/11/2023 17:16

To be honest, the lie wouldn't bother me as much as the actual thing he's done. It's a silly white lie because he didn't want to admit what he's done, and I don't think it implies that he would be more likely to deceive you about something serious

But the actual gym membership thing would annoy me a lot! He's ignored your advice and will probably end up wasting a lot of money when there was a good alternative solution (pay as you go). Can he explain why he did that?

mumto2teenagers · 08/11/2023 17:20

I think it depends on how you share finances, all our money goes into one pot we pay bills and what is left is for both of us to spend. If one of us wanted a gym membership it would then just get added to the monthly bills, I wouldn't be happy if DH said I wasn't allowed it. If money was tight I would expect there to be more of a discussion as to whether we could afford it.

It sounds like he didn't tell you because of how he thought you would react, you said you wanted him to do pay and go for a while and given this is usually the more expensive option it would indicate you can afford it

rwalker · 08/11/2023 17:21

i’m on the fence as I wouldn’t want to be in the position where I’d have to ask permission to join a gym

StephanieSuperpowers · 08/11/2023 17:24

It really depends on how you sort out money between you and whether it has a resulting financial impact for you. He's a working adult, he should be able to take out gym membership from personal money (assuming you both have access to that) without having to ask permission first.

UpUpUpU · 08/11/2023 17:28

Ohmylovejune · Today 17:08

“He's probably ADHD like me! Go all in and over the top and then struggle to maintain momentum.

I've a beautiful pencil set, and watercolours....and acrylics. And I've done 3 sketches and 1 painting!”

I hate comments like these! Not every situation or every person needs a label! Some people are just impulsive or selfish 🙄

WhatWhereWho · 08/11/2023 17:29

Ohmylovejune · 08/11/2023 17:08

He's probably ADHD like me! Go all in and over the top and then struggle to maintain momentum.

I've a beautiful pencil set, and watercolours....and acrylics. And I've done 3 sketches and 1 painting!

FFS that did not take long did it?

Usernamen · 08/11/2023 17:29

Not everything is undiagnosed ADHD.

kaka79 · 08/11/2023 17:43

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

ComtesseDeSpair · 08/11/2023 17:43

I can’t imagine having to ask my husband’s permission to join a gym and justify spending money I earned to him to this level. Which is good, because I don’t on either count. But I’d probably end up lying to him about it if I felt that controlled, though. Besides which, a contract membership is often much more cost effective than pay-as-you-go and many people find it more motivating to know they need to get their paid-for value out of it.

CantGetDecentNickname · 08/11/2023 17:54

Thesunsstillupthere · 08/11/2023 17:04

The issue is that he has proved he would rather lie to you than resolve differences of opinion through calm discussion like an adult.

I would be absolutely furious about the deceit. A bit mildly annoyed about the waste of money, but the issue is that he disrespectfully refused to have a difficult conversation with you and instead just lie. Ask him what else he thinks its ok to lie about? If he wants to take the kids motorbike racing and you say no its too dangerous will he agree with you then take them and lie? If he wants to spend £300 of family money a month on gambling and you don’t want that will he just go ahead and cover it up? So. Disrespectful. And so WEAK.

In a family you discuss things together and agree on what to do. He’s refused to do that. I would be livid.

I agree with this. I'd be saying something like, "great, so now I can go and do what suits me and spend family money without bothering to let you know" and let him worry for a change. I'd also be asking him what extra hours or work he will be doing to pay for this and if he has had value for money out of the walking boots yet or when he plans to sell them.

Also having signed up for it, I'd be reminding him the monthly cost and how much it is per visit (divide by number of likely visits in a month) and then be sure to remind him every time he needs to visit the gym to make sure he gets what he has paid for. Some people do keep on signing up to things and loosing interest very quickly. If money is tight as you say, then it is not ok and you are not blowing it out of proportion. Don't spare his feelings on this as he knew what he was doing and did it on the sly. YANBU to be furious about being lied to.

Doggymummar · 08/11/2023 17:57

The ybarr pushy in the gym, and on commission, I've done it ,more than once myself. But spending my own money, not family money

RandomNutter · 08/11/2023 18:01

More info needed. Depends how tight funds are. Going to the gym is fine and if he can pay, I don't see a problem.
If its an ultra expensive one and you can't afford it, then of course he's wrong.

Rewis · 08/11/2023 18:03

Okay, so I've started with some white lies when I can't be asked to explain something or when I know my bf is not 100% om board. Never anything important. It's a habit I try to get out of. There is no mean for distespect or anything. Just feeling demotivated with life. Hard to explain.

But I'm guessing your husband knew he went against what was agreed and tried to save face. Lying sucks and his lack of follow through sucks. Maybe he should have a think on why he did it.

Alargeoneplease89 · 08/11/2023 18:05

Maybe he lied because you would moan at him, just imagining the responses if it was a gender reverse.

VerrryNiceIndeed · 08/11/2023 18:10

Has he actually been going to the gym?

Squiggles23 · 08/11/2023 18:23

I know this isn’t the point, but just for your peace of mind I think it’s relatively easy to get out of these contracts.

I think if you you can just request a note from the doctors and say you’ve sprained something, got plantifascitus, a back injury they give you a unfit note etc and it’s fairly automatic/easy process (a gym person told me this I’ve not done it)

Original poster
NotSureNo · 08/11/2023 19:33

Thanks for the views everyone, just to clarify I am not saying he needs permission to join the gym, just that it's his latest new hobby, and he tends to lose interest really, really quickly so I wanted him to try it before committing to a 12 month contract.

He's since said he thought he was signing up to a month. Not realising that it was a 12 month commitment and he had already started the sign up procedure when he realised so thought "fuck it, all in". It sort of makes me feel better that he was trying to cover that up.

OP posts:
Snowfairyxx · 08/11/2023 19:43

Does he have a 14 day cancellation period if he has recently signed up? He might be able to sort it if he isn't going to go.

creativegoblin · 08/11/2023 19:45

For goodness sake, let the man exercise !