When to report somebody missing? Not sure what to do

[Appleblossom92]

My auntie has recently been diagnosed with early onset dementia after a brain scan but still has some capacity. She is still driving but we’re getting increasingly worried about this as her memory seems to be declining a lot recently.

Today, she seemed to think my mum had arranged to see her and go out round the charity shops in a local village but this was never arranged as my mum is at work today. She told my uncle she was going out and set off nearly two hours ago. I’m at my mums house now because my mum is at work, incase my auntie turns up. It’s only a ten minute drive but she’s not here. I called my uncle who confirmed she set off at 11:45 and hasn’t returned home. He’s had a drive round on the route she would take here and also up to where the charity shops are but no sign of her. Nobody can get in touch with her via phone either and we have no idea where she has gone.

I hope your aunt is at home safe and sound by now. I would report a person as missing straight away in these circumstances as they're very vulnerable.

I hope she’s safely home soon OP.
A friend’s husband had to be stopped from driving when his dementia hit, he rang his wife and said he didn’t know where he was, he didn’t recognise anything around him - he should have driven a couple of miles to the supermarket and back. Five hours later he got home, to this day no one knows where he’d been.
The family removed his car to stop it happening again.

Thanks everyone for your comments. She had a memory test at the GP because of symptoms of dementia. They sent her for a brain scan to see what was going on and the hospital said she has changes in the brain that point to dementia and that has helped to diagnose it. She has an appointment coming up with a neurologist. At first she was refusing any help and wouldn’t see the doctors so it took a little while longer to diagnose. A few of my family members have said about the car but she is getting very angry about it, it’s very hard but understand it’s a danger to herself and other road users so this really needs sorting

We reported it and they managed to find her parked in a lay-by. She was trying to get back home but had got confused with direction. She is home safe, thank goodness. She has told my mum that she came here to my mums house but I sat in waiting for her and she didn’t come by

I have spoken to my mum and herself and my uncle are going to arrange for the car to go

You can report to DVLA and they can withdraw her licence. Not sure of the exact process, they may contact her GP (I work in a surgery and the GP has to complete forms for the DVLA where there’s a question about a person’s competence)

I reported my sister to the police after about three hours when she went missing while heavily pregnant. The police were really helpful: they can look up on cameras and even if you're not NOK they can inform NOK where they've seen them.

My Dad gave up his driving licence by choice because he understood the risks he was taking. If she understands the risk and chooses to do it herself it's a nicer way to stop.

Obviously if she refuses then you may need to take a different route to stop her from driving.

Dial 999 and hope she is found soon. There is no set time for reporting a person missing, especially if that person has a vulnerability such as your aunt.

When she's back talk to the police about the Herbert Protocol and maybe fit her with a mobile tracker such as a pet tracker. That way you'll always know where she is.

She was found hours ago, it's not a long thread ..

@Appleblossom92

This was exactly when we got our mum to agree to give up her license, which she did willingly, thank God. We didn't get rid of her car, we just removed the keys from her key ring against the time when the dementia got worse. We still used her car to drive her round to the shops, etc. It seemed to mean something to her that we were using 'her car' instead of our own.

@AcrossthePond55 Thank you. That’s a good suggestion. I think she would take that better than the car being gone all together.

It turns out my uncle did tell her that my mum would be at work. Apparently she was adamant that they were meeting up and that it was arranged

She was always so independent and my uncle says she is getting restless and doesn’t like being in the house too but sadly my uncle is quite unwell too with health problems so it’s been a difficult time

I don’t think she quite understands the risks as of yet, she gets upset at the talk of not driving anymore. She says they need the car for their holidays as they used it to tow the caravan but they no longer have their caravan. It’s all very sad

You've had great advice already from other posters and thankfully she is home safe.

In my job we deal with this situation a lot and it's a tricky balance between maintaining independence and keeping someone safe.

The Herbert protocol has been mentioned for if you need to contact the police but if she usually carries a mobile phone it's worth having a tracking app like life 360 enabled on it, or if she isn't someone likely to have the phone turned on there are a variety of GPS tracking devices that can be put on a necklace or a keyring if it's something she might be willing to consider for peace of mind.

If they haven't done so already it's worth contacting adult social care for a carers assessment for her husband - this will cover things like contingency plans for both of them if e.g her husbands health deteriorates and some more help is needed, and the carers team will probably check in with him periodically to offer support/ an independent listening ear.

Yes, some great advice on here. Thank you everyone. @SafeguardingSocialWorker that’s really helpful, thank you

I.used to.work.in dementia care and sometimes a psychiatrist would write to.the DVLA to.tell them somebody should have their licence rescinded I assume a GP.could do the same obviously it would be easier if your aunt gave up.driving voluntarily
But you can go down that route a if she won't, unfortunately it seems it would be in everyone's best interests if she quit driving now

@Appleblossom92

I just wanted to take a moment to tell you that you will be in my thoughts. You are starting a journey with your mum that will be difficult and heartbreaking. Ronald Reagan called Alzheimer's "the long goodbye" and truer words were never spoken. My family's journey with our mum lasted 8 years before she died of Covid.

One of the pieces of advice that served us well was "Don't try to bring her into your world, go with her to hers". So unless it's dangerous to her, don't try to convince her that what she thinks is 'wrong'. If she thinks someone is alive who is not, let her think that. My mum often thought I was her sister, and later her mother. I didn't correct her. If she thinks that she's in a different location, let her. When my mum went into assisted living, in her mind she was in a 'hotel'. Fine by me. You'll soon get the hang of what you can let her think and what it's best to gently disabuse her of. She'll be more at peace and you won't have the frustration that comes with trying to convince them that what they think is the truth, isn't.

Don't be afraid to lean on those who care about you. Accept help that's offered. And above all, take care of yourself. Seek support if you get emotionally overwhelmed. You'll get through this.

@Appleblossom92 you can buy trackers like itrack and itag things to pop into her coat pocket or her everyday handbag. might be an idea to get some because unless she is physically locked inside the house and keys removed from locks then she will go wandering.

I'm so glad she was found safe and well. What a worrying time for you all

We told my gran her car was in the garage. She got annoyed saying it had been there too long and I just agreed and said yea it has been there a while, I will find the number for you to give them a call. And then had the same conversation the next time. This was about 2 years ago. Now she has no idea what’s going on really. She sees a car outside and presumes it’s hers but luckily never mentions driving again.

It's not about a set amount of time missing, its about the context of why the person is missing and what added vulnerability they might have. So you can ring now if you're worried.

I'm glad your Auntie has turned up.

Apple Air tags, find my phone and other tracking devices can be useful for people with dementia. One on her keys, one in her handbag etc.

Please install life360 on her phone you can track her if she goes missing (well she phone) or put in air tag into her handbag - sew into her coat x for peace of mind x for next time which I hope there isn't a next time but just in case xx

I’m glad your aunt is safe.
Fwiw, anyone can report a concern to the DVLA who will then set in motion assessment with a dr , report, and then a decision on whether licence is kept or not.
If you have real concerns about her having an accident or causing one the car could be disabled or the insurance could “run out” and be impossible to renew.

What I did is make an appt with my dad’s GP and take my mum when my dad’s driving got dangerous.

So the GP contacted the DVLA.