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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Bitey toddler

20 replies

Nosleepforthismum · 08/11/2023 13:05

DS turned two in September. Today at a new playgroup he bit a three year old boy on the hand. I didn’t see it as I was changing the baby but my MIL was with him who said it all happened too fast to stop him. He’s never bitten before so this is new.

I came out of the changing room to find the mum of the bitten child berating my MIL who was nearly in tears and extremely apologetic. I asked what happened and got her child’s slightly reddened hand waved in my face and was told my toddler aggressively attacked hers and that he ought to be supervised better and that it wasn’t normal behaviour. She said it was something she’s never experienced with her own children or others and she expects playgroups to be a safe space for her child and maybe my child shouldn’t be at a playgroup if I was unable to manage his “aggression”.

I was a bit taken aback by her ferocity and I just apologised again and explained he hadn’t bitten before but we would keep a closer eye on him. Her child was asking for a breastfeed so at that point she ignored what I was saying and walked off to sit down and feed her son. My MIL took the baby so I could follow my son around as he was enjoying playing. Bitten child’s mum at this point was enjoying telling people what had happened and had a bit of an audience around her. She loudly requested an ice pack and the first aid kit from the volunteers for her son and I just tried to ignore the very pointed looks she was throwing my way.

My MIL tried to make amends by asking if she could buy the little boy a cake from the counter which was rejected as there was nothing that was dairy-free for him. We then decided to go as it was all feeling a little uncomfortable and as we were putting our shoes on we were stopped again by the mum who handed me a card with details of a parenting class she thought I might benefit from. The whole thing was starting to feel so bizarre I just thanked her and asked if her little boy was okay. She said they are also about to leave as he’s been traumatised by the whole experience and that she hopes my son gets the help he needs.

It all just seemed a massive overreaction to me but maybe I’m in the wrong (in which case I’ll go to the parenting class!) Putting it to mumsnet to see if I should have handled it differently.

YABU - my DS is a thug in the making and we would benefit from parenting classes to prevent any future traumatising of children.

YANBU - bitten kids mum is a bit of a drama llama, toddlers sometimes go through this phase and the one apology should have been sufficient.

OP posts:
Ibravedaflood · 08/11/2023 13:12

A non bitey dc is a rare breed ime. Right it off as a bad day op. My ds had a very negative attitude to dc with curly hair.. Sadly 2 of my mates had dc with curly hair. Everything is a phase until school age... A stern reaction if you catch dc doing it again and move him away from whatever he was doing.... Next week it will probably be eating ddog treats or something!

NoItsStillNighttimeDarling · 08/11/2023 13:14

My god the woman sounds deranged!

Toddlers do mental things, don't give it a second thought OP. Sounds like you and MIL handled it beautifully

DuploTrain · 08/11/2023 13:18

I would personally not mention it to DS, not make a big deal of it, and just hope it never occurs to him to do it again.

Not much you could have done differently in that scenario.

I will say however that my toddler has bitten me twice (completely randomly - once he was cuddling me, and once he was pretending to eat me). It really really hurt - it was through clothes and it still bruised really badly. Their little teeth are razor sharp, so it probably did really hurt the other child.

InTheRainOnATrain · 08/11/2023 13:24

Well I confidently say DS has never bitten a little friend. However he has bitten his nursery teacher, and his big sister 😬

You tell DC no and that biting hurts, move him away, you apologise, if DC is up to it then ideally they should say sorry too. That should be the end of it because it’s a very normal phase for toddlers. Terrible luck that of all the kids DS had to go for the one with the lunatic mother though! I bet the other parents were judging her far more than they were judging you.

Yummymummy2020 · 08/11/2023 13:25

My toddler has bitten me too op and left a huge dent in my finger. It was a very very short phase thank god, I think she bit her dad maybe six times though. Thankfully no other kids. Her sister never did but it’s luck of the draw if you get a biter ha ha. It was a bit much handing you a parenting card but biters do need extra close supervision. In saying that, if it was a first offence your mother in law was not expecting it. However, I suppose it’s very natural to be cross if your child gets bitten, and having not seen it happen I don’t know how close attention your mother in law was paying to your child when it happened. I think you did handle it really well though and I would have been cross being handed a parenting class card to be honest, a biting toddler generally dosent reflect on someone’s parenting unless they are blatantly ignoring it or don’t try teach them not to do it again. They are crazy at that age, and sometimes other parents can be even crazier!

Saucery · 08/11/2023 13:26

Oh dear, she sounds very…….intense. Grin
She made a huge deal out of a common occurrence. I would have laughed in her face at the parenting class card.

InTheRainOnATrain · 08/11/2023 13:31

Also wtf about her carrying around cards with details of parenting classes?
I’m fascinated by this. How often do you reckon she gives them out? Another kids pushes in front for the slide at the playground and bam, the parents get carded. Do you think she run the classes and it’s not going very well and it’s some kind of crazy marketing technique?

Cas112 · 08/11/2023 13:33

I would have made a point of her seeing me throw the card in the bin but I'm petty. I have no words of advice OP because I haven't experienced this yet with my first child but I think a biting stage can happen with some toddlers so dont beat yourself up. I'm sure more posters will come along and give you further advice. Some people just like to make others feel worse about situations rather than being understanding

Crunchymum · 08/11/2023 13:35

She gave you a card? 😮

SirenSays · 08/11/2023 13:38

Oh for goodness sake, what a drama llama. Some children go through a biting phase. It bloody hurts but he's hardly hannibal

ShirleyPhallus · 08/11/2023 13:38

I think maybe the breastfed 3 year old just tipped this one over the edge tbh

MaryShelley1818 · 08/11/2023 13:40

Neither of mine have bitten but they've done other equally embarrassing things and could just as easily have been biters!

The other parent is massively overreacting, DD2 has now been bitten twice by another child at nursery (the same one) they are so little and can bite out of frustration or because they don't have the words. Of course I'm sad to see DD hurt and want to protect her but these things happen.

I left soft play once in floods of tears after a parent screamed at me because DS (then just turned 2) grabbed their younger child round the neck. I intervened immediately, removed DS from play, apologised profusely but the parent was still absolutely furious. Thankfully DS grew up to be the most kind, mild mannered and lovely boy despite his toddler roughness.

Sofaz34 · 08/11/2023 13:45

I don't know how you kept your cool, well done. I would have kicked off at this stupid entitled woman, what a drama queen!

Nosleepforthismum · 08/11/2023 13:46

InTheRainOnATrain · 08/11/2023 13:31

Also wtf about her carrying around cards with details of parenting classes?
I’m fascinated by this. How often do you reckon she gives them out? Another kids pushes in front for the slide at the playground and bam, the parents get carded. Do you think she run the classes and it’s not going very well and it’s some kind of crazy marketing technique?

Grin I would love it if that was the case. Toddler version of getting a red card!

They had loads of cards/leaflets about classes and groups in the area at the front entrance so I assume she picked one up from there rather than holding on to a stash ready to shame parents when their kids misbehave. Although you never know!

OP posts:
Nosleepforthismum · 08/11/2023 13:50

ShirleyPhallus · 08/11/2023 13:38

I think maybe the breastfed 3 year old just tipped this one over the edge tbh

To be fair, he might not have been three. Guessing based on his speech and size.

OP posts:
Nellle · 08/11/2023 13:52

I wouldn't describe your son as "bitey" from one incident. He's just turned 2 and is experimenting with boundaries, what his body does etc. All you can do is firmly explain we never do that and he will learn.

I'm sorry you had to deal with what sounds like a derranged, narcissistic arsehole of a woman who must have ruined your day. I think I'd probably have cried. But I'm even more sorry you won't be there to watch when her child also does their very normal and inevitable first bite. I'd love to see her face!

Soupdragonandme · 08/11/2023 14:20

Biting happens often with toddlers, although I can understand her being upset when it happened to her DC. You sound very dismissive of the bite.

Aldo, no way would I have let my DC carry on playing after he had bitten another DC. He would have been taken straight home.

Screamingabdabz · 08/11/2023 14:25

When your own child is painfully bitten by another kid you do feel angry and defensive. It is only natural that she kicked off.

Yes biting is normal at that age but you should be doing everything in your power to preempt behaviour like that and heading them off at the pass with a stern no.

Nosleepforthismum · 08/11/2023 14:39

Soupdragonandme · 08/11/2023 14:20

Biting happens often with toddlers, although I can understand her being upset when it happened to her DC. You sound very dismissive of the bite.

Aldo, no way would I have let my DC carry on playing after he had bitten another DC. He would have been taken straight home.

I would have taken him home if I thought he would be able to understand it was as a consequence for biting. However, he was told off by my MIL, he cried (which he does if he thinks anyone is cross with him) and then went back off to play which I think is an age appropriate response. I also would have made him apologise if he could but his speech is delayed and so both my MIL and myself apologised a number of times on his behalf.

OP posts:
fruitypancake · 08/11/2023 14:57

She sounds like an absolute cow.. what an unpleasant experience for you and your Son. Of course it's normal behaviour , he is 2 x

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