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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ban DD’s boyfriend from coming around

29 replies

ceeboi90 · 08/11/2023 11:48

My DD is 16. She's in a relationship with a just turned 18 year old (turned 18 on Monday).

About 2 years ago he was accused of coercing his then girlfriend into sex by threatening to share her nudes. I don't believe anything was done.

He's been in a relationship with DD since earlier this year, and I believe he's a bad influence on her. He didn't have a good childhood, his dad was abusive towards him and his mum so I have tried to be mindful of that, he also still lives with them and I didn't want DD going over there.

A few months into their relationship DD told me she was worried she was pregnant, took a test and it was negative. All fine. She admitted they weren't using any contraception because bf “doesn't like” condoms. She went on the pill but I don't believe she's taking it as she should. He's disrespectful, doesn't say hello or please and thank you. DD doesn't attend college because neither does he, he's dropped out his course and I'm worried she will do the same. There's multiple times where I've got home, she isn't at college and he's here, the house is a mess due to crisp packets etc.

WIBU to ban him from coming round?

OP posts:
Catza · 08/11/2023 15:13

ItsThatTimeAgainXmas · 08/11/2023 13:47

I know it sounds awful but worst case scenario as a mum I'd do this for my child (she is still only 16!) Than risk her getting pregnant by this loser. However the other suggestion of moving her to injection or something else is better if she'll agree.

Show quote history

Covert administration of medicine is a form of abuse. In rare circumstances where it can be legal is when the person receiving medication does not have capacity to make decisions about their treatment (which needs to be certified by two medical professionals). 16 year old is presumed to have capacity unless proven otherwise. Making bad decision is not an indication of lack of capacity. I very much hope that you, as a parent, never temped to do this.

plumtreebroke · 08/11/2023 15:21

Catza · 08/11/2023 15:13

Covert administration of medicine is a form of abuse. In rare circumstances where it can be legal is when the person receiving medication does not have capacity to make decisions about their treatment (which needs to be certified by two medical professionals). 16 year old is presumed to have capacity unless proven otherwise. Making bad decision is not an indication of lack of capacity. I very much hope that you, as a parent, never temped to do this.

Show quote history

Not to mention if she is taking it herself as well she would be getting double dose. If she just forgets can you have them in the kitchen and see she takes them with breakfast, coffee or whatever she has. Like you might have with vitamins when she was younger.

LakeTiticaca · 08/11/2023 15:50

Your house your rules. But just remind her that if she does get pregnant then the baby is hers and she will be the one doing the care, you won't be sitting in with baby while she is out socialising with all her child free teenage friends.
It might sink in and she might start being more careful

Conniebygaslight · 15/12/2023 15:15

please do not ban him coming over as you will completely push her away. My 17 year old wonderful DD is in a dreadful relationship and he refuses to come to ours or be involved with anything in her world at all. We are clinging onto her as much as we can. She’s tying herself in knots trying to please/fix this absolute scumbag. If your DD is in your home you are in a much better position than you think. Talk to her about the implant and support her.

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