Please help me feel better about this

[LdnAnna]

DH doesn’t want a second child. I do. I cannot force him to have another and I am pretty certain that he won’t change his mind. His reasons are fair.

I don’t want to leave him or split our family up. I therefore need to accept it, be grateful for what I have, and do my best to move on. I just need some help doing so.

I intend to book some therapy. However, in the meantime I would love to hear some positive stories from parents of only children or those of you without siblings. I'm hoping this will help me to focus on the positives and begin to move forwards. Currently, I feel a lot of sadness and guilt. Particularly as lots of friends are beginning to have their second. The announcements feel rather heartbreaking (despite being happy for them).

Thanks all.
A x

I'm an only child. My mum would have loved to have more kids but complications made that impossible as she had to have her fallopian tubes removed.

She made her peace with it eventually although I can't offer any insight as to how unfortunately. What I can say from a child's perspective is that I never missed what I didn't have (siblings). I had a really close relationship with my mum and having no siblings meant there were none of the complicated dynamics I saw in some other families. I also think being an only child made me really comfortable in my own skin and in my own company. I never had to jostle for position or for attention.

I was was spoiled in a lot of ways but my parents were really balanced and taught me good lessons so I grew up confident without being entitled or spoiled - which I know can be a stereotype of only children. I know how to get my needs met but I also know how to give back.

All in all, I had a great childhood. Sometimes I wish I had a brother or sister to see what that relationship is like but for every person I know who is close to their siblings, I know someone else who can't be arsed with theirs. A big family doesn't guarantee a happy family.

I'm sorry you can't have the family you pictured but I hope this helps I'm some way.

poke a hole in the condom/forget the pill

This may or may not be helpful but I was the second baby, obviously very much wanted but also intended as company and a sibling for my older sister. We have no relationship. She struggled greatly with my arrival, never liked me and caused me nothing but pain and torment up until I completely stopped talking to her in our 20s
My parents are heartbroken it's like this. At least you never have a hope of this happening with just the one!!!

You don't say how old your child is but I assume a few years old max ?

I think the therapy is a good shout plus the previous poster makes a very valid point.

I only have one DS - not through choice -,I would have liked 2-4 (mind you that's before I had any!)! but I treasure the memories of when he was little and whilst the teenage years have their ups and downs he really is my world and I cannot imagine not having him as my DS and am super grateful that I got to be his Mum .

Im parent of a now adult only child, who is an amazingly good person.

Hi. I'm an only. My mum would have had more but dad was nope. I had best childhood both parents very engaged, always time for me. Took me to places kids wouldn't nessarily go if you and more than one - stately homes, museums etc as well as kids stuff.
Have fondest memories of reading with mum, watching old movies and playing cards.
Cycling with dad, helping with diy.
We were a great trio. Lots of holidays and weekends away around uk.
Always open house for friends when I was a teen
I was never lonely. Loved my own space, reading in my room or drawing. Home was like a quiet safe haven

My son and DIL only have and will only have their one precious son. I am delighted and spoil him rotten 💙

I couldn't forgive this tbh. I'd feel so much resentment towards DH if we hadn't had our second. He didn't really want another, but I convinced him. And he's glad I did. I've had to convince him about most of our big decisions in life and he always says I was right and he's glad I did.
Honestly, I'd keep working on him, because always missing the baby you didn't have will sting forever. He's taking that away from you.

Are you serious? This is terrible advice.

Unfortunately OP, I have no experience on this one as I'm one of two and have just had DS2 back in May.

I will say, I've had a couple of colleagues who only had one by choice and they never expressed any kind of feeling of missing out etc.

As a PP said, maybe push the idea further with your DH if it's something you feel strongly about. Maybe in a few more years when your DC is a bit older, he'll feel differently.