AIBU: to not know what I have done wrong?

[NamechangewhathaveIdonewrong]

I have been trying to see my Dr (a private specialist ) for a few months without success. I have emailed and called the clinic many times. Last week they made an appointment for end November. I asked if I could also be included on a waiting list for any last minute cancellations ( I’m very unwell and they have done this before). I didn’t get a response so called reception. A new member of staff picked up the phone and said that I didn’t have an appointment booked for November. I was concerned and asked if they could check again (I have email confirmation of the appointment). They were very rude.: said they didn’t need to look again and there were now no appointments until the new year. I asked if I could speak to someone else. They said this wasn’t possible. I asked how I could escalate my concerns, was there a complaints procedure , they said no and cut me off. I called back and they cut me off again. I phoned for a third time and got someone else who was more helpful. Said I did actually have an appointment in November. I was relieved and began to explain what had happened , that my health has deteriorated and if any appointments come up before then please could I be considered. However she interrupted me to say that I should know that the person I had spoken to previously was non binary and used gender neutral pronouns. I explained that I had not been told this and had not seen them in person so was unaware but now I knew I would use whatever language they prefer. She implied that this was the reason why they had hung up on me.

After the call I was reflecting on what had happened. I don’t see how I can have possibly known that the person was non binary? . Nor do I know how I would have used language that discriminated against them and merited ending the call. It’s not like I would have referred to them directly as male or female. I was simply talking about making an appointment. I didn’t intend to cause upset but also feel a bit frustrated that my health issue and poor service has become about how they identify when I don’t think it’s relevant at all. I am confused. AIBU? How should I have handled this?

There no way you could have known and handled it better. I think you’ve been treated appallingly. This is the real life consequences of putting people personal beliefs about themselves above reality.
How incredibly selfish of the staff member. You’ve done nothing wrong OP.

Personally if someone I was paying treated me like that, regardless of their gender identity, I'd go elsewhere. Is that possible for you?

Can you find a different doctor?

But surely you just said "can YOU look again" . Second person. Not he or she

How the heck are you supposed to know that? What an idiotic reason to hang up on you and how incredibly unprofessional! I’d send in a formal complaint. I assume you didn’t refer to them in the third person using he/she during a one to one conversation so how the hell were you offensive? Bonkers.

Could you write directly to the Dr concerned and say how unhappy you are with the way you were treated and if wasn't for the previous good relationship you would seriously be considering finding another health provider. If it's a private practice he will suffer financially if his patients leave.

Quite. Bet this didn't play out the way OP claims, personally...

Make a complaint to the regulatory authority. I would be tempted to go to the media as well

I'd honest to God have to be on my death bed before I used that doctors again.

I'd be switching elsewhere.

Hang on I don’t get this. How would the person on the phone possibly have known that you didn’t know they were non-binary? You didn’t refer to them in the third person when speaking to them direct?

I can’t understand how you could have referenced their sex via a pronoun. Surely you used ‘you’. Did you you say ‘Sir’ or ‘Madam’? Even if you did, you did nothing wrong if things played out as you say. I would look elsewhere.

I assume it was the second person the op spoke to that noticed the op was (quite reasonably) referring to the first person spoken to as he/she instead of they. So the first person could not have known the op considered them to be the sex they sounded like.

The new receptionist was probably bollocked for hanging up on you and used it as an excuse to their manager. Nothing you could have done differently but I would insist on them providing you with the complaint route and procedure.

how can you indicate to someone you're talking to that you know they're nb? it's not as if you're using 3rd person pronouns, or were you saying "well, miss..."?

When you get into speak to the doctor, bring it up and ask who the practice manager is and what their complaint process is. Don't speak to receptionists, speak directly to the bosses.

I would make an enormous complaint in this scenario.

Outrageous behaviour from the receptionist.

If this is who is in charge of our health. I know the person on the phone wasn't a doctor, but a gatekeeper to the doctors, then we are all ducked in my opinion!

I'm questioning humanity right now.... you can't see a Dr about your detriatimg health because you didn't guess my pronouns right.

Bloody hell. I've seen it all now

Complain in writing. That is unprofessional nonsense.

I also don't know how the first person would be so offended as surely you wouldn't have referred to them as any gender at all? Why would they have hung up, surely they would have just said that they refer to themselves as so and so.
Both were total twats anyway (and incompetent ones) and I'd be making a complaint.

I can’t work out how you’d use pronouns when speaking one on one to someone, you don’t refer to someone as she/her or he/him or they when taking directly to someone, only when talking about them, you refer to them as “you” when talking directly.

rhis makes no sense.

Wow.
Just wow.

Write a formal complaint, naming this person.

Thank you for your responses. I am grateful. Sorry for not responding sooner: I’ve been unwell and sleeping. I have received an email saying the office manager will call me tomorrow. The Dr is very good otherwise I would just go elsewhere. To be honest I am still baffled. I am certain I didn’t use pronouns with the initial person but may have done when speaking to the second one and referring back. To be honest it all seems slightly ridiculous. I genuinely didn’t mean to cause my offence (and don’t think I did really). I think they probably made a mistake over my appointment and panicked (which obviously they didn’t need to : we all do it). Hopefully it will all be sorted out tomorrow. Thanks again.