To move daughters bedroom?

[peekaboo1986]

Dd 12 has had the master bedroom with en-suite, walking wardrobe and dressing room since we moved into our house in 2016 she had just turned 5. The room is massive 6m by 8.5m and the attached dressing room is 6m by 3m which she uses as a play room, it made sense at the time as she had the most stuff being the youngest. I would now like the bedroom back for dh and I, dd would have our current room which is a decent size at 6m by 4.5m, the other two dc will stay in their current rooms which are a similar size, ds room is actually a bit smaller. Dd doesn’t respect what she has it’s messy as she now has to much space due to not having toys, the en-suite is covered in makeup and god knows what on a daily basis and I’m getting more and more annoyed with it.

Dd doesn’t seem to be very accepting of the plan and said she won’t be switching as it’s not fair.

AIBU to insist on swapping, dh and I need a new bed and I would love a super king and I would really like use of the en-suite we pay for, we pay the bills so should we have over all say?

YANBU but it’s a shame you didn’t move her a couple of years earlier. There will probably be a lot of upset about it but hopefully you’re planning to let her choose the decor in her nee room. A dressing table is going to be a must with her being used to een en suit

Why the fuck did you give her the master to begin with? There's 2 of you, you are the parents, you own the house, and the room you're in is a perfectly reasonable size for her.

Your mistake is leaving her in there until 12 when they turn into entitled madams that the world is clearly against and parents are the worst people ever! She can dislike it all she likes but you are the parents and will be swapping whether she likes it or not. She can go willingly and you'll sort out whatever decor etc or she can be a brat about it and have the room as is.

What on earth were you thinking when you moved in??

How incredibly stupid !! Move her. Of course you should move her, she never should have been there in the first place!!

should have said she can have it decorated as she likes, new furniture that she can pick as she will now need a wardrobe and drawers as she will be losing the walking In wardrobe. I don’t expect her to have our hand me down furniture. The plan is to re-carpet the stairs, landing and all 4 bedrooms at the same time.

I am also shocked you didn’t take the master although if it did genuinely serve to keep toys away from other areas of your house maybe it was a good move. Anyway long term YANBU to take it back, this could be made more palatable if you were offering a newly decorated room.

What I was thinking at the time was she she would and did make better use of the space than us. She had a big wooden Barbie house, toy kitchen, Lego table etc etc and it meant the mess was contained to her floor!

we live in a town house and the whole top level is the master room.

Yanbu to make her downsize but I'm also amazed that you ever gave her a bigger room than your own. Apart from anything else, you and your dh are two people! And she's the youngest? I wouldn't be surprised if her siblings felt resentment she's had special treatment for so long.

Maybe I'm selfish but I'd never even consider giving one of my dc a bigger room than my own, unless for accessibility reasons.

Also a bit baffled by the point how she's the youngest so has the most stuff - I can't imagine how that works tbh, I'd have thought it's the other way round if anything

Dd doesn’t seem to be very accepting of the plan and said she won’t be switching as it’s not fair

She doesn't get to decide. You've decided that you having the master bedroom now works better for you. She gets told that's what's happening.

Yanbu but it isn't surprising she doesn't want to switch, she probably feels very at home there and it feels like her space. It is quite a difficult age for big changes and they don't tend to go down well, but it is your house and you get to choose. I think she may just have to get used to it.

Dd doesn’t seem to be very accepting of the plan and said she won’t be switching as it’s not fair

Not up to her, she needs to do a she's told, you're letting her behave like a spoiled brat and then questioning who's being unreasonable.
I would have made the decision and informed dd.
She doesn't get to choose in your house.

Gosh. Is she the youngest?? Missed that bit.

even if she’s the oldest (ad I’d assumed) the other dc will notice the disparity and be increasingly jealous. She really really has to move. Can’t be up for discussion

I can see the logic when she was younger but yes tell her you’re doing it and she can have an input or not which is up to her. She’s not going to like it but you just have to accept that at her age she won’t like it

Frankly, you need to just get her told.

"On Saturday, I am switching the rooms around. You've got until then to sort out what you are bringing to the new room and what can be thrown out"

This would seem indulgent if she was an only, but what did your other children think?!
Of course you're not wrong wanting the primary bedroom with en suite for the adults who pay the mortgage

As others I'm amazed you gave the master to a child

Also amazed the other two didn't kick off over it

She is 12. She is a child. She has no choice and you move her to a smaller room

She isn't responsible enough for a nice en suite it seems

I think you need to be firm but not heavy handed here. I'm not surprised she's resisting though and in an ideal world you would have done this a year or two earlier. Brace yourself for a world of 'its not fair' and epic sulking.

I'm gobsmacked as well that you gave a massive bedroom with walk in wardrobe and en-suite bathroom to a 5 year old.

Of course she's going to kick off now if you move her. Good luck OP, you're going to need a set of steel balls for this one.

All children get on great no jealousy or rivalry over the room situation, if any ds and my eldest dd are on the youngest dd side in her keeping the massive room. They all spent a lot of time up there in their younger days as the dressing room was the playroom where all the toys were kept, they still spend a lot of time up there now all together.

Tell her to get stuffed. Seriously though, you are being more than reasonable than saying she can decorate. By all means acknowledge that it’s a bit crap having to move when she’s had that room for a long time, but realistically she has been incredibly lucky to have it that long and is lucky she’s still got a nice big room of her own to go to. You are the parents, it’s your home that you are responsible for and none of the children are entitled to any specific room. My dad wanted me to stay in my little room I’d had since I was a baby when we had two much bigger spare rooms, my mum didn’t agree so we both just moved all my furniture in one day when I was 14. She figured the only reason he didn’t want it is he didn’t fancy doing the legwork and he certainly wasn’t bothered enough to move anything back!!

I'm just astonished you gave a 5 year old the massive, ensure bedroom with walk in wardrobe, which she's occupied for SEVEN years.

Indulging your child wasn't your best plan.