Wine... no other alcohol but realised..

[thebester]

That I have no off switch.
I have no interest in my other alcohol really, could take or leave but with wine , it brings such a happy cosy nostalgic feelings and memories but t as mentioned, there no off switch. So I need to bin it.
Health, expense, tolerance and for so many other reasons.
Back story is that husband left me with our kids and never looked back. They have AN so I see wine as my thing, my treat.
Can this be given up without support do you think? I've had therapy for the marriage ending and ensuing sadness and lack of coping.
I've just taken up walking in the evenings so that at least curbs the boredom and loneliness.

Just stop drinking wine. The key is not being able to moderate it. I have drunk it twice in 10 years and as I also can't moderate it both times were disastrous, really awful. Examine other ways to get this feeling, you know you have a problem and it could get much worse. Try to start to alternate other non alcohol treats into life. What do you actually like, enjoy, food, books, candle, new things for home, new walks. Don't let it engulf you.

What support you need really depends on how much you are drinking. If you are physically dependent then it is very dangerous to just stop. If it has just become a habit, and you are not drinking large amounts every day then you should be able to do it on your own. There are helpful threads on MN that might help if you need moral support.

Whether or not you can give it up without support depends really on the level of your drinking (especially whether you have any physical dependence) However your comment about the nostalgia struck me- it really sounds like you're giving wine more credit than it's due, ie you've got an idea of it being a treat and tied in with memories and emotions when really it's the idea of it you've fallen for rather than the actual drink itself. I'd really recommend reading Annie Grace 'this naked mind' book, she's an ex marketing exec who ended up with a drink (wine) problem and looked at the whole thing with the skepticism of someone in advertising - does alcohol really deliver what it sells to us? I've gradually found after reading her book and a few others that alcohol doesn't interest me any more. I feel a lot happier for it - better sleep, general mood is better, more energy - and I don't feel like I'm missing out at all.

I agree the question is how much are you drinking? I totally understand how easy it is to fall into the habit of drinking to relax when your kids have SN. Been there done that. For me it was never that I drank vast amounts, but I did find it hard to avoid having a drink in the evenings. It was a habit and a craving that I needed to break.

For me the issue was purely psychological, and since “relaxation” was my thing, I bought CBD drinks to have in the evenings instead. Just that idea of having something to drink that was different (not boring, not water) was enough to kick the habit.

My sister could have written your post. It took her ten years but she died of multiple organ failure and eventually internal bleeding due to alcoholism. I'd suggest trying to avoid that.

I can drink a bottle of wine easily and maybe a glass out of the next bottle. I can do that 4 nights per week then I wouldnt bother with it for another four nights.
I link it with relaxing, nostalgia, boredom, loneliness, escape, a lightness to my life.
It cheers me up:

So can you cut down the number of days more easily than the amount you drink in a night? So could you e.g. only drink 2 or 3 days a week and cut down that way? But always sticking to a single bottle, never opening the next?

Or would it work better for you to e.g. keep drinking 4 days but cut down to just half a bottle each night?

Drinking little and often is suppose to be better for you than binging but whichever works to reduce the total alcohol is probably a good idea right now.

I can fully relate, i got to the point where if I had wine in the house I would drink it. I realised it had the potential to become a bigger problem so I challenged myself to stop buying wine for at home and thankfully managed without a problem so had caught it before it became an issue. I now get a bottle every couple of weeks but it’s not the same.

for me I know if I am feeling stressed I have to avoid alcohol. The times I feel I need a glass of wine are the times I can’t have one!

(I know I don’t have the healthiest relationship with alcohol but I also know I am in control of it now)

I think it's just wine. I've no interest in any other alcohol so wouldn't bother. I need to replace some with something I think. Early night with Netflix, skincare, candles and tea and of course chocolate.
I don't now how easy this will be. It's such a habit now.
No physical dependence or withdrawals.

I would suggest reading some “quit lit” as a starting point.

Everyone has their own favourites, but my recommendations are The Sober Diaries by Claire Pooley, The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray and The Naked Mind by Annie Grace.

I was drinking more than you, as a “coping” mechanism (ha!) and gave up using lots of reading, the TryDry app and the alcohol free living support thread on here.

Nearly at 600 days sober, and life is immeasurably better without alcohol in it - I’m off my anti depressants, and have better energy, sleep, skin and hair.

I like the "Under the influence" podcast. 2 people who have quit completely and one person who is cutting down so it explores all options really. They also have a group programme but it's quite expensive imo so I haven't gone for that.

Also "The Kindness Method" book might suit you. I'm half way through and really like it. It also gives you something to focus on when you're not drinking (you create mind maps - sort of lists to help you).

A few years ago (after a very long and acrimonious divorce and looking after my dad until he died) I was in the same position. A bottle a night helped to blot out the horrible reality of my life at that point and was the only way I could sleep at night. It was when I started opening the next bottle that I knew I had to do something as then I easily lost track of just how much I was getting through.

I’m an “all or nothing” person, I don’t do moderation, so I knew it was a case of stopping completely. First thing I did was add up how much I was spending at a bottle a day, which added up to quite a lot over time (and that was a sobering thought in itself ) and then I replaced the habit with others. I did cryptic crosswords and then I took up knitting, which was better as it kept my hands and brain busy - I knitted hats and scarves for everyone for Christmas, which was quite handy too. The first week seemed odd, but after that it was just a question of replacing one habit with another.

That was eight years ago, and it was enough to reset my calibration. I do have a glass of wine occasionally now - very occasionally - but it is just that now, a glass. Mostly I drink coffee, herbal teas or sparkling water and I am very thankful that what could have developed into something worse didn’t. I think you have to find whatever motivates you, and then find something to replace the habit and keep on with it till you don’t have to think about it any more. Good luck!