Do you know any children in Kinship Fostering for no reason?

[whatwherewhywhenwho]

Or did you growing up? I think children being raised by grandparents or aunts is on the increase and wonder what your private thoughts are of those family set ups.

I grew up in kinship fostering despite having a completely normal mother who went on to raise other children in a traditional way a few years later. By completely normal I mean no drugs, or drink problem, or chaotic lifestyle. She was a young adult when she had me but an adult all the same.

As I grow older myself I'm only now realising how odd this must have looked to other people outside my family but I think as a child you just accept your own circumstances as your norm But it's pretty weird in hindsight?

Would you think my situation was strange?

My grandad was brought up by his grandparents. He was the third of ten children, numbers four and five were twins. I assume he was a toddler when they arrived. He was the only one to be brought up by grandparents. This happened in the 1920s.

I have a work colleague bringing up his granddaughter with his wife. Mum and dad were 16 and 17. For some unexplained reason mum isn't involved. Dad works away, but has legal guardianship, and sees daughter regularly and takes her on holidays/ days out, but grandparents are main carers.

One of my parents employees was brought up by aunt and uncle in the 1970s. Mum had some mental health issues and presumably dad wasn't around.

My mother in law has a cousin brought up by his maiden aunt and grandad. Mum had post natal and took her own life, dad was unknown.

Another one I've just remembered, a friend of my mums was brought up by her dad's cousin. She's the youngest of four kids. Her mum died young, and dad decided she'd have a better life if his cousin who couldn't have children adopted her. The ones who adopted her were a married couple with a small sheep farm. I don't know if her adopted dad or mum were the cousin. This friend of my mum would be in her late 80s now. I remember her explaining that she knew her dad and siblings, but it was a distant relationship, and she considered her aunt and uncle to be her parents.

The point I'm making is that it's nothing new, having other family member bring up children, than the parents. No doubt it's happened throughout history.

Yes I know it's not new. It's also not really the usual set up though.

I suppose what I mean is that now I realise that when I was a child, some of my friends and their parents probably wondered what had happened. There were a few unkind comments I remember and at the time I brushed them off.

Obviously most people are not unkind but it is only natural to sometimes have a little curiosity about other people's situations, I think.

My Grandson had a friend raised by his Grandmother - the mother had left (i do not know the background to this) and the father struggled with a young baby. But the grandmother said when the boy got to 11 that the Dad needed to step up and have him now he was older - he would be 14 now.

I also have a friend who raised her Grandson - their son remarried and had a couple of children and he would have had to share a room with two much younger siblings. The grandparents lived round the corner so he moved in their to get his own room - he is around 19/20 now and still living with his Grandparents.

My son in law was raised by his Grandparents but that was in a different culture where his mother had to move out of the country for work. She married an English man who had been a senior manager at the hotel she worked in and he paid for her children to go to boarding schools in the UK. This was much longer ago though.

My best friend at primary school was raised by her grandmother when her mum died.

Her dad was still around but it was just accepted that he couldn't possible be expected to look after his child and work (90s).

Then when he got remarried his daughter was expected to move back in with him (his new wife apparently could be expected to look after his new child and work).

The step mum resented the daughter. The daughter resented both the step mum and her father because she was forced to leave her grandmother who had basically become her mum to live with relative strangers.

Honestly it was rubbish all around and I've always felt for her

I'm sure it was a sore point. Unfortunately people are often curious and ask probing questions, without considering someone's feelings.

If I recall my grandad never understood why he lived with grandparents, and wasn't close to his siblings or parents as a result. I suspect it hurt. My mum has wondered whether his mother was struggling with five young children, had some depression, and a short term fix became long-term. There was a large gap between child five and six (grandad referred to it as two hatches 1-5 and 6-10).

a friend at school was raised by her grandparents from the age of around one, but her mum was apparently in prison by the time I knew her. I didn’t ask any questions so don’t know any more.
i think for no reason is quite unusual. Normally it would be because the biological parents aren’t able to raise them for whatever reason.

I think it was difficult to be a working, single mother in the 80s

I expect your Mum did the best she could in a difficult situation

In some cultures it's much more common than among white Brits. But the extended family bonds are stronger in those cultures and so it seems to feel quite natural.

So yes, if you were from one of those cultures I wouldn't give it much thought at all. If you were white British I supposed I'd be mildly curious, but not to the point of asking intrusive questions or judging anyone.

I am late 30s. Two friends my age were raised by grandparents. Mainly down to MH issues and one parental death on each side.

Another friend - her mother raised her brothers children due to drug and alcohol addiction.

A work acquaintance is guardian to her grandchild due to serious neglect.

So yes, I’ve seen it happen a fair few times.

My MIL was raised by her grandparents and still calls them her parents. She knew her 'sister' was her real mum but because it was the 50s and her actual mum was an unmarried teen, it wasn't acceptable.

She still calls her mum ' my sister Sarah'. Never just Sarah.

She's pretty messed up by it all despite the fact her family were very loving and took great care of her. Her actual mum went on to have kids and even adopted 2 more as well.

It was defined as Kinship Fostering by the social workers who paid my family member a fostering allowance for me.

Well if you had a SW there was definitely something else going on that you were not privy to. Nothing stopping someone from having a relative care for their kids while they work away. It's legal and needs no intervention unless there are signs of abuse or neglect.

There really wasn't anything untoward happening.

It was much later on, when I was about 10 or so, my relative realised she was able to receive a fostering allowance so started the process of getting it. We met with social workers every now and again and they called it kinship Fostering.

one of my best friends at primary in the 70's was brought up by her grandma and aunt. Her mum lived in a nearby city and visited every now and then. My friend called her aunty and mum by their first names.

Was quite normal tbh

I wouldn't think it weird, no. Just none of my business. Some people live with extended family and it's unlikely to be for happy reasons so I wouldn't go asking questions. A couple of DD's classmates live with grandparents and I don't know why.

I would be interested to hear more about how it feels though, especially knowing your mum then kept other siblings at home. In a way it's easier for the child to process if they can see a good reason. (I expect there was a good reason, to them, at the time.)

I would be interested to hear more about how it feels though, especially knowing your mum then kept other siblings at home. In a way it's easier for the child to process if they can see a good reason. (I expect there was a good reason, to them, at the time.)

Admittedly it doesn't feel fantastic @Chlorinara and it has played a bigger part in my self esteem that I realised until recently.

It's odd. As a child I could never admit to myself how much of a deep longing I had for my mother. I think possibly I closed a part of myself down to cope.

I was a clingy child with my lovely Foster mum and I used to think that was just my personality but it probably was a sense of not wanting to lose another mum!

I was born in1969 my mum and dad were married just before I was born, but only 19 they are still together. At my secondary school 3 girls in my year were pregnant at 13 giving birth at 14 and all the kids were raised by the grandparents and described as accidents. The mums came back to school and nothing was said of it. Could your situation have been similar ? Family too embarrassed at teanage parent and pretend it never happened?

I have a now adult friend who had very similar situation. Raised by her grandparents but her mum seemed perfectly normal/no issues and had other kids after.

I wasn’t close enough to know the details, I always thought it was odd but could see the grandparents did everything they could for her. I always wondered if it left her with sadness though. She’s grown up to be an awesome woman.

I think that's a completely normal reaction OP. I wouldn't at all claim it's the same but I was a boarder from a young age while my siblings stayed at home. Us boarders were emotionally quite tough at the time but when our own children got to that age it suddenly felt a lot more complicated.

More common than alot on here said my own child was taken my dps parents all. Because they always wanted her and yes I tried to get her back but said parents went on to threaten us if we tried to get our kid back police didn't give a flying fuck either

Hi. I've recently been a Kinship Carer for my grandchildren. I have to state that they are now back with their parents but I was unsure how long I was going to be their carer for (it was only a few months). Two teens and a primary school aged child. A shock to all involved.

There were times that I thought they would never be returned to their normal family life because of the barrier put in place by the social system - and that sounds extreme from just a few months experience but that's how the 'system' works.

My experience has been short but harrowing. I'm happy to answer any questions but I can now see how families are not reunited if they don't have additional family and friends' support, if meetings are not attended, if questions are not answered 'correctly', and more. But I also understand (now) that these guidelines are put in place for protection purposes.

My mum was raised by her grandmother for most of her childhood. (Her own parents were clueless and worked away on occasion so it made sense I suppose)

I think this was more common in the fifties and further back. I went to school with 2 girls brought up by their grandparents and thought their mum was their sister. I obviously didn't know as a child but found out later. Was a small town and I realise that most people knew except the children.

This was the mid 90s in London, the family were African (I don’t want to specify the country).