Potential relationship - or not?

[sajamor0811]

I need some advice on whether I'm overreacting here or have good reason for feeling as I do.

About a month ago I matched with a guy on Facebook Dating who I've chatted with via WhatsApp most days since. However, I think the danger with online chatting for too long is that it becomes difficult to see things going beyond friendship.

So I suggested speaking on the phone and then when that went quite well a couple of times meeting up. Although it's all been agreed to I find it draining to be the one doing all the work here.

There never seems any great enthusiasm, either so it makes me feel uncertain as to where I stand. Of course I don't expect undying love to be professed or expected before we've even met.

But I had a previous relationship end because my boyfriend was so passive and undemonstrative. It put me in the position of having to mindread and constantly fight to get anything from him. That made me feel either confused or like I was being neurotic and needy. In the end I couldn't cope with it any more and he admitted his heart wasn't in being with me.

When I talked on the phone with this guy from Facebook last night the conversation was flagging and I could sense myself trying too hard to revive it. He did ask if I'd thought of where to meet up which would seem to show he's looking forward to it. However, now I'm not and angry with myself for that. Am I putting him in a no win situation and at a still unmarried 49 on Wednesday do I really have many choices?

I've been on so many painful dates where the spark just wasn't there and it was painful making conversation. I would kindly sack it off now tbh but that might be from dating fatigue from my single days

I would meet up with him, just so that you know there's no chemistry. You do have choices, whatever your age.

If you don't have anything to talk about, then forget it, OP. That would be a very miserable date.

Meh he doesn't sound very dynamic and that's not because of you. There are men with a bit of go about them much older than 49.

If he's local and you have nothing better to do that evening then I might have a low stakes date (coffee or a drink) and see. I wouldn't be making any more suggestions or maintaining the conversation beforehand much though.

In fact, I used to have a chat, arrange a date, meet and take it from there rather than chat everyday. Unfortunately the chatting bears no relation to how you will actually get on in person so it can be a waste of time.

Suggest a coffee date or a lunchtime walk, something that doesn't take up too much time. An hour is worth it just to be sure.

A month is a long time to be chit chatting back and forth. Online, phone and in-person are totally different types of communication and some people aren't great at all of them. I absolutely hate phone calls that don't have a purpose other than small-talk.

I'd maybe think about moving faster in future if this one is a non starter. Start with coffee or something else that doesn't have a big time commitment. A first date doesn't have to be a big thing these days. You could have Oscar Wilde on WhatsApp and Oscar the Grouch in person so there's no benefit to stringing that part out.

Hope it all goes well. 49 doesn't mean you have to compromise, you just been to build your confidence and get clear on your priorities. Don't settle for shite.

If you don’t have a connection you can’t force one or it won’t feel right, ultimately. There are more out there!