Should he be contributing?

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Looking for some opinions here.

My stepson is 18 and spends around half the month with us. He left school when he was 16 so has been working for around 2.5 years now and has a full-time job. I believe he earns around £100 a day.

The thing I am having an issue with is that he doesn't contribute any money to the household (no rent, bills, food contribution etc), and I'm wondering if he should. He spends all his money on expensive clothes, shoes and holidays - literally as soon as one salary comes in he will buy two pairs of designer shoes, so it's not like he is saving it.

In essence my husband probably thinks he should contribute, but as he isn't here all the time, and his mum doesn't make him contribute at their house (as far as we know), he has never pushed the issue.

We buy all the food (he eats a lot as you would expect from an 18 year old in a physically demanding job) and we cook all the meals too. He'll make his own breakfast but we do dinner every night as we do those Gousto boxes for four people so there is just generally always plenty to go around. The only chores he does are washing his own clothes, and he will do the dishes if we ask (nag) him.

Do you think he should be contributing something even though he's not with us all the time?

Just to add, we don't desperately need the money, but my husband's spending on food is significantly higher than it would be if he wasn't buying all the food for my stepson when he is here, obviously.

of course he should be contributing. He wouldn't be able to buy designer shoes etc if he was renting a flat, paying bills etc. If you don't need the money, his dad should save it for him and give it back to him once he's in a position to buy a property.

He's not doing shores, he's not financially contributing... You know those useless cocklodgers on other threads, that's what he's being trained to be. Terrible with money and a bad flatmate/partner.

Yes, he needs to contribute. He should always have been in terms of chores. He now should financially.

Thanks and yes I agree - what do you think would be reasonable though? I'm going to talk to my DH about it this week. It's especially frustrating when he finishes the last of something and won't replace it, or eats food I bought specifically for myself that week

How you ask him to contribute depends on how much his Dad has contributed to him across his entire life. If he’s been a good dad and had him 50/50 and / or paid maintenance then fine. But if there were any issues then you should leave it otherwise you’ll end up annoying everyone.

From my pov if he was at uni your DH and his mum would have been expected to pay 50/50 for his food and accomodation until he’s at least 21 - so I’d leave it for a few years before charging. He’s an 18 yo earning £36k - that means he must be working extremely hard for it. I wouldn’t begrudge him enjoying it for a bit.

My husband has been the main caregiver ever since he and his ex got divorced (original custody agreement was he had the boys 5 nights a week and his ex had them two nights a week).

Now obviously the older one is 18 it's more sporadic. I also have a 16 year old stepson who is also with us around 50% of the time.

If my stepson had just left school I would agree with you, but as he has been working full time for over two years now I think he should learn that he can't just spend his money on £700 shoes (he had two pairs delivered yesterday having just been paid the week before).

I would charge but put it aside for a house deposit for him (and tell him that’s what we were doing). Considering how few costs he has, perhaps even 20%/25% of his take home salary.

He may grumble now but I’ll bet he will be very grateful later, especially if you can afford to top up his pot (could you even put it into one of those ISAs where the government tops it up too?)

I don’t have a stepson/associated politics so the above is what I would do for my own DS.

My children aren't at this age/stage yet but if my eldest was working full time and living with me half the month I would probably expect 25% of her take-home but divided by 2, so 12.5% as board.

Affordability in housing is around 1/3 of income. That's all housing costs, insurance, utilities but not food. I think that works. If you don't need it, saving it for him is great.

And a proper share of chores without nagging. If he was in a flatshare he'd need to do it.

House meeting, treat him like an adult, not a child. Ask what he thinks is reasonable and that you want to prepare him, not treat him as a baby. Adult to adult communication.

He's 18 earning 38k and squandering it, he needs to learn to pay his way. The point of some people supporting when kids are at uni is because they can't work full time but the ss isnt at uni so should pay his way. Although not many people I know pay their kids food and accommodation while they are at uni either as can't afford it, maybe am odd bit of help.
At the very least id speak to his mum and even discuss asking him for money jointly that is saved for him (without him knowing it's been saved)

Agree with others. He needs to contribute, a small amount toward food, and the rest can go toward a deposit for him. He will be grateful in the long run.

Sorry, this is a bit of a long update but I'm hoping to get a bit of advice off the back of this as my DH had a big fight with DSS18 over the whole contributing thing.

So about two weeks ago we agreed (me and DH) that DSS18 should pay £25 per week for food (so £50 a month as he is generally here half the month). Keeping in mind he earns around £500 a week it's absolutely nothing given how much he eats. He has zero other outgoings. This is the amount my DH was comfortable with asking for and he would still do all the food shopping etc.

DSS said no, he would rather buy his own food, to which my DH agreed. I knew DH should have just stood his ground but his reasoning was it would teach DSS more responsibility. As I assumed when he stayed with us this week all SS contributed was a loaf of bread and a pint of milk (so about £5 in total). Still having all his meals cooked for him and eating them when he feels like it (he doesn't eat with us as he goes to the gym around 7pm every evening so he just eats what we have cooked when he gets back).

So yesterday DH spoke to SS and said that plan wasn't working so it's back to £50 a month and apparently SS18 got really angry and defensive, saying it's not fair, he brought milk etc, and then ended up being very rude to my DH and calling him tight. There was a big argument then (I wasn't there, it was relayed back to me by DH) as DSS18 is the one being tight, refusing to pay for probably 1/4 of the food he consumes in a week while working full time.

And all this in the same week he had another pair of designer trainers delivered, this time a £300 pair. That's about £1,500 he has spent on trainers in the last few weeks but refuses to contribute £25 for food.

DH is now upset because of the fight, I'm pissed off with SS rudeness and not sure what to do from here. SS has agreed to pay going forward but any tips on how to avoid the tension, or anything else you would suggest?

Just to note, this isn't about the money. It's about teaching SS some adult responsibility.

I'd be making a chart of what you believe are the costs of him living with you (his fraction of energy bills, food, etc) and putting it in front of him.

Yep, this. The £50 a month deal is now off as he wasn't reasonable about it.

I personally think asking him for £50 per month was silly. He needs to learn tge real cost if living as an adult a d how to manage his money.

18 is still very young. If it’s really a proper full time job, I would have him contribute but if still more of a training/apprenticeship I probably wouldn’t yet but would encourage/help him to save money to help set him up later.

Also are there any siblings, if so what is the situation for them?

Stop resurrecting old threads!

@JustAMinutePleass what do you mean about the parents paying for accommodation and food if he was a uni student? Student support themselves. I never had a parental contribution for Uni I paid everything with my loan and my wages?

Would you make your child pay when they turn 18?