To feel like I have a lot going on atm?

[biostudent]

So I am 28, I have a boyfriend who I am very much in love with, we have a son together plus he has a daughter (my step-daughter kind of). We own our house and have for almost 5 years. DSD is almost 10 and DS is 3 and a half. DS is experiencing some struggles of his own and is currently non-verbal and clearly has development delays in terms of his behaviour and skills like potty training (still in nappies). My partner works 48 hours a week minimum, but can work up to 72 hours a week if he picks up overtime and so because of this I take on the majority of the household chores and life admin for the kids etc. I work 20 hours a week and can then spend 21-30 hours a week doing uni work, plus we quite often have therapy in one form or another for my youngest. I am studying part time through the open university for my Biology degree. Having a child who is most likely going to be diagnosed with some form of neurodivergence is hard on both of us as well, and to top it off DSD is really pushing us with attitude at the moment. I also have a father who is severely disabled (he is the reason I am doing a bio degree - to go into researching his disease) and the weight of that on my mind takes its toll. I know the degree is my choice, but my father doesn't have unlimited years and I would like him to see me graduate. Neither my partner nor I are unhappy with each other and our roles in the house, but I just want to feel like I'm not the only one who is overwhelmed with things going on, almost acknowledgment that I'm not being unreasonable to think I have lots happening, as friends and family always seem to brush me off if I ever need to just vent to anyone, to the point I just don't bother trying anymore as I'm made to feel silly. AIBU?

Just want to add, my partner doesn't think I'm silly for feeling like this, he definitely feels like I do too much and would love for me to be able to stay home more and work less but financially it isn't an option at the moment.

Yes you do have a lot going on, it sounds really tough. I think the problem is a lot of people have a lot going on, or they think it’s ‘just life’. It doesn’t mean it’s not tough though and it is nice to have that acknowledged.

you are the person that just keeps going, gets things done, and smiles throughout. I am right yes? So, that's why no one ever offers help. YOU need to ask. And it's not because you are failing! You need a break, and that is ok. Take care of yourself, the cleaning can slide for a day or two. 😀x

@Bluetune Thank you - that feels like all I needed to hear! I am a bit of a people pleaser and I have always been someone that people would come to with problems or to vent and I'm more than happy to be that person, it just never feels reciprocated. Fully agree that lots of people have lots on, the last few years have been incredibly tough for everyone and I fully believe everyone needs a pat on the back for getting through them! :)

Yes, you do have a lot going on

However, from my experience it is easier to do multiple things when you are in your 20s

It gets harder when you are in your 40s, 50s

I wish that I had the energy of a 20 year old, so make the most of your youth !

@MarilynSays I do like to just push through - I could just do with some time to put my feet up and relax for a day! DS usually has other ideas but my god I couldn't be without him! I'm not very good at asking for help, I'm more of a struggle til I've succeeded person, apparently I've always been like it, even as a very young child, but I will try and see if I can find someone to help :) x

@ZzzGodzilla Oh gosh yes, I'm definitely glad I've started now and not later! It's hard enough at 28 rolling out of bed at 6am with my toddler raring and ready to go for the day haha! x

Try and find a way to cut back it's OK while younger I did loads in my twenties but I would now struggle with that level of nonstop in my 40s. Also as I never asked before family where used to leaving me to just get on with it even now.

You do, however the majority of women could say this also, I have 3 children, one with 2 forms of heart disease awaiting surgery, one is a toddler, am a lone parent, work part time also cater for my daughter, and my father. Also own my own house and have that to run, clean etc. sometimes when we are feeling overwhelmed like this we just need a break. Yes it’s hard but life is.

Carer not cater

You definitely do have a lot going on and I'm sorry you don't feel like you are getting the recognition of that or any support. I think the default human response can be for others to either brush it off or a level of one up man ship to make you feel like you are being unreasonable to be feeling that way. But you aren't at all and I hope the acknowledgement that it does sound tough helps a bit. Hope things start to ease up a bit or you can get a bit of headspace.

@JonjoMonjo21 I fully appreciate that everyone has their own problems and most people have lots going on! You sound like superwoman! I just kind of wanted reassurance almost that I'm not just kidding myself that I'm busy if that makes sense, I started questioning if I was just being stupid and actually don't have a lot going on? I hope that makes sense!

No I don’t mean it like that, all I mean is we all have a lot going on, some more than others however when u get to the point when it’s all feeling too much and overwhelming u need a break x

I agree with @Bluetune in the first reply, and very much what @ZzzGodzilla says.

Yes, it is a lot. but such is life, and in your 20s and 30s you have superpowers you can only dream of later in life

Thank you everyone - I know I'm not the only one who has lots going on and I would never try to undermine what someone else is going through or experiencing, it just feels a little like the people in my life are doing that to my experience etc, but the comments validating it has really helped :) its put a positive spin on my day x

You're amazing!

I work p time, am doing a degree level course and have a DS with SEND.

Even though DH is great, it is still a lot.

If DS still struggles in later years and or he has care needs above what an average/normally developing child that age has you can apply for DLA.

Just saying, as no-one mentioned it to us until DS was 9!

Good luck with your studies and all the other roles your play.

Try to be gentle with yourself and not get burned out.

Ask for help as and when you need it .

@Alltheyearround Thank you - it's so nice to have people in the same boat who get it, I'm not just a pansy who can't cope! Thank you for your kind comment and I hope all goes well for yourself! <3