To find part time work with kids hard..

[bobbyeatsocks]

I'm going to sound pathetic but I'm really struggling. I only work 2.5 days a week but I'm finding it difficult with the kids. Either after little sleep from the youngest.. or I'm forgetting things for the eldest to do with school. I feel like I'm giving only 50% of myself to each.. and for only £500 after childcare going into the household income I'm wondering if it's worth it.
I'm always tired, have various different viruses at any given time.. I just feel something needs to give. I don't know how people do it.

It’s the best of both worlds AND the worst of both worlds.

As a PP has pointed out you’re doing all the home stuff because you’re part time. But you’re also working. So the mental load is ALL on you. No wonder you’re exhausted. You’re constantly switching between work and home and expected to be across all of it.

And at the same time you’re supposed to be grateful that you can have it all…

I work 3 days and totally understand where you’re coming from; I could have written this post. I have also worked FT (when I had 1 child) and it was challenging in a different way. I think we can all agree that there are challenges whatever option you go for - part time definitely isn’t the panacea some make it out to be.

I think the type of work you do plays a big part - is your job a source of stress? Mine is and that’s had a big impact on my health recently, as I’m also dealing with the stress of various home and issues with the kids. Even without that, as others say, it’s the carrying of the mental load and doing everything at home as well as work, commuting that contributes to the feeling of spreading yourself so thinly.

I just wanted to say it’s ok to be finding it hard because it is hard and part time is not unfortunately a magic solution - but I’m hoping that the compromise approach for me will pay off in the long run. Also a not quite 1 year old is tiny - it will improve in the second year I’m sure!

You have a baby less than a year old. You’re supposed to be tired and forgetful.

It might be worth asking GP for a blood test. Anemia for example, can cause tiredness and brain fog as can other things.

Bloody hell.
That's the dream for most people.

I really don’t think it’s fair to bash @bobbyeatsocks for finding something difficult just because you have it worse. Everyone has different family dynamics and everyone copes with things differently.

FWIW OP, I work PT (3 days) and have a 3yo. My DH works away from home for long stretches then is home on leave for the same time (currently 6 weeks on/6 weeks off). During his leave he can be called on at 24 hours notice - and often is. To anyone I meet at baby groups etc, I’m “living the dream” apparently. Having DH home for 6 weeks to deal with all the household stuff while I work and having dinner on the table is great and he gets so much quality time with our 3yo. BUT, then he leaves and it’s the polar opposite. I find the contrast between the 2 really difficult to manage. 3yo is a terrible sleeper so I’m up multiple times a night. I have issues with sleep myself so I find sleep difficult anyway. I also have no local family or friends so I’m actually very lonely which I find mentally draining.

I deal with 99% of the mental load of family life, quite simply because stuff ends up getting missed otherwise with DH being here and there. I feel like I spend all my time doing meal prep, trying to get 3yo to as many classes/groups as possible, working, prepping stuff for work, tidying up (current childcare comes to our house while I work and the house is a genuine tip by the time I get home at the end of the day), trying to spend what time I can with my 3 yo, fitting in FaceTimes to DH so that he can speak to DC (often he’s offshore out of phone signal and has time difference so this usually lands at very inconvenient times of the day!

I know there will be people that have it worse, but I do struggle.

Ridiculous some of the comments here. Just because some people feel they have it harder than you and have limited options doesn’t mean you can’t struggle.
And you have a one year old! I can’t imagine working while dealing with that!
You won’t feel like this forever, in the meantime do whatever you can to get through it x

Blimey, no need at all for the posts from full timers bashing the OP. There's always someone better or worse off than you - go start your own thread!

I found working part time & doing nursery/school drop off with husband working abroad & no family support much harder than now working full time having a WFH DH, grandparents around to help & a cleaner!
We don't know anything about the support OP has - this is what makes the difference.

OP, you must have gone back to work fairly recently, it does get easier. Go easy on yourself. Get some ready meals in for the nights you work (kids can eat at school/nursery), write a list of jobs such as washing , hoovering, loading the dishwasher etc that need doing on days off & split with DH. Just lower your expectations for a while.

I work full time with a 1 yo and 4yo (reception year). As does dp. We both wfh in professional roles (him since pandemic, me since before), flexibly, to avoid wrap around care for our eldest who is VERY sensitive. The youngest is in full time nursery and loves it, although I do miss her. She's still exclusively breastfed too (no cow/oat/pumped milk from any other source than me alas).

I am extremely forgetful and run our lives on lists and my phone calendar. I can't finish sentences. Dp takes most of the cooking, cleaning, drudgery, while I co sleep and do life admin, as neither child sleeps through (oldest has health issues, youngest is almost there). I buy random party gifts/snacks/calpol (molar time) most weekends to make sure we don't run out of things.

It's bloody hard. But we can't afford for either of us to be part time. I always thought I'd love to be a sahm, but I don't have the patience (maybe the sleep deprivation - last time i had a full night i went into labour).

Do the best you can OP. No idea how you work with such a small child but realise so many don't have a choice either. Everyone has their own battles in life.

I don't work but my health is utterly shagged. We don't always get a say in how the cards are dealt🤷🏻

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. Having a baby or young toddler is really tiring.

If you are working part-time, your childcare is probably part-time. For many jobs (not all, obviously), working is easier than looking after small children. So, full-time can be less tiring for some people. Might be worth considering if you're one of them?!

Sure, it's helpful to be grateful for what you have. And, the ability to spend time with your children, with £500/month left over after childcare, and presumably financial stability from your partner or elsewhere, are things many people desperately want. But that doesn't mean that being tired is unreasonable. Plenty of others struggle in similar or even 'easier' circumstances!

curious- why are you part time then? I am thinking of going part time but reconsidering after reading this...

mean

I work 3 days pw. We have an 18 months old. We couldn't afford for me to not work, so that's not an option. I'm always tired from sleep deprivation, my job is stressful and emotionally draining 😴 However we had such a difficult time to have DS (losses, IVF) and he is such a little ray of sunlight, that I plough on thinking it will gradually get a bit easier as he gets bigger 🤞🏻

@ChilledMama85 I went part-time after dc1 was born so that I could spend time with them, then stayed part-time after dc2. It also meant they didn’t have to go to wrap around care everyday. However, I’m now back full-time. Went back at the end of April.