Cutting parents off

[Disneystar88]

Has anyone done this if so how do you get them to get the msg.
childhood wasn’t great dad used to hit my older brother tell him he was dead meat if he had to come out of work (he was like 18 but clear mental health issues) I left home at 17 couldn’t wait .
fast forward years I had my first child ended up moving back in with them temporarily at this time there nasty dog bit my child (age around 2) so I move out and relationship not great for a while but kept it going more fool me , I was happy when the dog died this was years later as they refused to get the dog put down.

Now fast forward again I now have two children 14 and 8 a few years ago they got another dog a chihuahua but it’s a nasty thing already bit two strangers so I banned the dog from my house since then the relationship is sour I refuse to have a nasty dog in my house around my kids and elderly dog . They refuse to get the dog training etc . They don’t like this new rule especially my mother who has turned out to be toxic maybe always but I only just realised luckily they live 3 hours away so the last 2 years not seen them much however they have a holiday home in my town so are around 6 months of the year.
This year example probably came round twice one waits in car with dog and then they swap . I literally kept the relationship going for my kids but this seems to be the end now I realise on their side the dog is more important than grandkids.
Also to top it off my sons school suddenly closed and I was left with the option of home schooling or the nearest smaller school is further out but no public transport - also at this time my partner got health issues and off work on sick we need to get a car so asked if they can help as it would get there grandson back into education they said they would look at outgoings and see what they could do . Then I was ignored for two months they didn’t reply and this text wasn’t about this issue . My partners parents helped without question, I asked mine if they can’t help a lot can they pay the tax and insurance again no response.
I know people say shouldn’t fall out over money but you can see there’s alot there it’s not just about money. Also they pay for my brothers (guilty conscience maybe ? car , insurance etc yearly and we were asking as a one off never asked for help before but this year has been awful for us. My older brother lives with these two and seems to have forgiven for crap childhood whilst I’m left with bad memories of it all.
other brother left home too has his own family that my mother used to slag off her parenting all the time to me x was only wearing a nappy etc I told her straight if she has a problem tell my sister in law as I’m not interested in being a bully .

So minimum contact it is but I want to cut the relationship completely now how do they get the message. Ignored for months regarding the car money then she texts asking what kids want for Xmas , because it was about the kids I just replied saying money in a card is fine and if any presents it must be same amount for both (last yr one child got more than other and it causes questions and upset ) also really annoyed me why they did that.

maybe I should of replied a car so no getting soaked going school etc

I just want them not to turn up at my house and not to contact anymore .
what’s everyone’s thoughts aibu?

thanks if you got this far

The dog thing happened after and I only went to live with them for two months as needed a roof as left abusive partner .
I was actually going to post without the car bit , may have had a different response but wanted the whole picture out there.
If they had gave the money the other issues remain

Go NC and don't ask for anything else, money, help, whatever. They are not obliged to pay for cars or the associated costs. You clearly thoroughly dislike them and rarely see them so don't expect their support. I don't doubt they were shit parents, stop expecting them to improve and your life will be easier.

I ran away at 14 ive not been home yet.
Its been over 22 years i think they got the message.

If having contact with your parents is causing you so much upset, go NC.

But you must accept that your children are YOUR responsibility and not your parents. Yes, they should want to see your and their grandchildren, but this should be without strings attached.

As a mother, you should be looking after your children. Work and save for the car. If you can't do that, get the bus or walk. We all make our life choices.

I cut mine off for a while. In the end it wasn't worth it. Too much shared history, memories, blood-bonds, etc. Eventually people tend to go back to what feels like home, rightly or wrongly.

I’m 50 and I’m the middle child. My parents are millionaires. They brought my older sister a house aged 18 and a car she went to the university they chose and did the degree they told her to apply for.

my father was physically abusive and verbally abusive constantly calling me a slag, slut, stupid etc I didn’t have sex until I was 25 and have 3 degrees. They refused to pay a penny towards my degree (science at Cambridge as it wasn’t what my father wanted). Didn’t get a loan or grant and I was buggered as they were supposed to pay. I started my life about £20 K in debt whilst my sister was debt free.

Brother also towed the party line and got his house and car.

My parents tolerated me maybe they would visit once a year for one night arrive at 10 pm and gone by 2 pm the next day.

Any opportunity to abuse me verbally or even physically they did and I was so desperate to be loved I often came back / brought the car they wanted me to etc

I then had children and my father adored my eldest but also hated my youngest. He wanted us to move home. I was divorced (married a controlling abuser like my father) and we did - put my house on the market and got a job and moved - in with them 2020 and lockdown happened.

Now I was properly fucked as I had sold my house, hpuse prices went through the roof - I was prime target meat as he had total control. Then he did the dirty on me and I had to leave his house for my own safety and this meant paying rent and mortgage etc and court fees to the ex I lost about £50 K. He was furious that we moved out and got our own place.

we moved out in 2020 and live 5 minutes away and they have spoken to me once - literally once. I have had 3 birthday, as have the children and 3 xmases and I haven’t asked for s penny and won’t and they don’t even text us happy Christmas.
3 years of therapy and 3 years later we are NC and we live 5 minutes walk away.

Their loss and they did me a favour. I judge them by how they have acted towards me and the children - horrible people. And I’m lucky my children loathe them. They will die sad and alone and surrounded by cash.

they have no friends

go nc and get therapy!

I’ve done this at various times but actually this time it’s a no. I can’t live with mine and the abuse and after years it does get easier.