I'm struggling and I don't know what to do

[sadcreature]

Hey all. NC'd for this thread as it's outing.

I am a woman in my late 20s. My dad died a year ago and I've really struggled since then. I've really been struggling lately in general. I was in a long-distance LTR with my boyfriend until about three months ago, but he made some shitty/insensitive comments and told me he didn't want to have kids (neither of us have any) but that we could "wait and see" if he changed his mind.

I was honestly in a mess about all of this, and broke up with him because I don't think he'll change his mind. I've been trying OLD but good god it's soul-destroying. I'm disabled and fairly ugly (not trying to be self-deprecating, it's true) and it just feels...hopeless. I'm scared to be alone forever and never have kids, and wondering whether to just go back to my ex. I feel like I'm surrounded by happy people and there's just...me, without prospects like some sort of Jane Austen character.

Well done on dumping him. Doesn't sound very nice and you shouldn't be with him just to wait and see if he decides he wants kids - take control if your own destiny.

If you're in 20s you still have plenty of time. Why not focus on you for a while? Life isn't just about finding / having a partner. At your age I got divorced and was single for a few years - did all sorts of nice things for myself then eventually found a new partner when not expecting it.

You have a whole life ahead. Dump when you need to!

Never go to someone as an alternative to having your own company! Huge hugs op, it took me years to put one foot in front of the other after my dad died- I’d drive to work every day bawling as I drove, muddle through and then drive home crying. You’ve had a tough time of it. You also have the world at your feet, you’ve your health and endless possibilities of getting out, doing hobbies etc. Try and keep putting one foot in front of the other

Yes I got divorced in late twenties. I focussed on friendships and enjoying myself rather than meeting someone. I ended up meeting someone through a friend a few years later.

I had so many boyfriends in my 20s- I look back now and I'm so relieved I let those horrible ones go, I feel lucky that I didn't get pregnant by them. Life is so much harder with a bad partner. It destroys the very core of you.

My dad also died when I was in my 20s and it was a messed up few years, but things did get better with time. I did some travelling which really helped.

It's a tough decade in many respects. There's lots of fun times but lots of self doubt and feeling lost. Just be you.

Take a year out to learn about self-love, improving your self-esteem, what healthy and unhealthy relationships look like, work on your fitness (not so you're 'hotter', so you feel good and healthy), spend your money on nice clothes and things for your home/self instead of dating and drinking, figure out what your core values are and what you really want in a relationship, and when you finally feel fucking great about yourself, THEN re-enter the dating market.

Do not do so before this as you will settle for the first guy who makes you feel like he can solve your problems and it will blow up in your face in a few years' time.