To let my siblings get on with it.

[Whoopy]

Df died a few years ago, leaving dm alone. She sold up and bought a house near me, though my brothers and sister are close by too. She relies on me for many things, from helping her if she is unwell (e.g. she hadn’t been feeling well overnight but waited until I had finished a nightshift to phone me, instead of phoning one of my siblings), to sorting fuses (old plug in style) when they blow or general upkeep / redecorating in her house.

I know both of my brothers have tried to buy her house, as an investment, which she refused. Brothers have now asked both my sister and I to chip in and buy the house between us (at much less than half the value of the house), obviously up-keeping the house and allowing her to live there for the rest of her life. Brother has said this to her and she seems quite keen. The thing is, I can’t afford to do this (which I’m 100% certain my siblings knew, before they asked me). They are still wanting to push ahead, but now only giving her 3/4 (£45k for a house worth around £170-180k) of what they had said they would give her.

I have to admit I am more than a bit pissed off. They are going to be paying £15k each and looking to get over £50k in return. Dm has spoken to me and said that she won’t go ahead with this if I’m not happy. What the hell can I say back to her? Of course dm, go ahead it’s not a problem or tell her I’m pretty pissed off.

She has also said, that if she sells to them, she hopes it won’t change her being able to call me when she needs help. So Whoopy my fuses have blown, can you come and fix them, or will you come and plumb in my new washing machine or dishwasher, decorate my bedroom etc.? I did reply to this saying that if she is ill I would help, but there is no way I would continue doing these other jobs for her and she would have to call one of the others and she has taken the huff with me.

Would I be unfair to just give her her key back, to give to one of my siblings, though I know none of them would drop everything to go down and help her, like I have done?

I would arrange for your mum to get legal advice.
I'm no expert but thinking logically needs to get three valuations and use them!
I'm not sure this can be done but say the house was worth £100k split it 4 ways so siblings have a quater each mortgage - leaving your mum with quaternary of the asset. Then your mum makes a will leaving her quater of the property to you. That way you gave a vested interest in the property and won't be so bad when your mum calls you for help

Ack. You need to get on this right away, others are right about the legal advice. What your siblings are doing is classed as deliberate deprivation of assets, which has grave consequences if she needs to go into care in the following seven years. She (not them!) can be prosecuted for this. It is a CRIMINAL offence which means in theory it can involve jail time.

You need to frame this carefully to her - I would indicate that although they don't realise it, the siblings are risking breaking the law. Don't specify that it's her who would be in the shit, let her assume it's them. I would then delicately suggest that either way, the two of you should see a good, kind solicitor, and once you are there, you should broach preparing a power of attorney agreement for you (LPA) since you are the impartial one who won't be one of the owners of the home. Any decent solicitor, understanding that it is her only asset, will agree that you are the correct choice if you are not going to become part owner of the house in the process.

Martin Lewis actually believes that ALL responsible adults should arrange this when they are very young so that in the sad case that they become incapacitated through an accident, stroke etc, their loved ones are able to pay the bills. Otherwise, if she fell and had something like a broken hip, for example, you wouldn't be able to take care of her power bill while she's in the hospital for six weeks. Frame it to her like that, and that you'd never act on it now because she's clearly in charge of her faculties now, and that she can set it not to take effect while she is fine. The agreement can be locked down in that way to prevent premature abuse. You need, need, need to get this sorted before your selfish siblings try to get their hands on her money.

Here's a great link from his site explaining how it works and why it isn't giving control away until she is ready: https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/power-of-attorney/

I don't understand your post. They want to buy the house she lives in or another house?

You are not listening or taking on board any of the very helpful advice that is being offered here. In fact you are making every excuse as to their behaviour and why you cant do what is advised

Good luck with this one. It has DISASTER in big capital letters written all over it

Firstly if they buy the house and she needs to go into care it could be seen as fraudulent. Secondly the house is presumably your (and your siblings) inheritance. If they buy it you don't get your share.

Your mother sounds vulnerable you should be power of attorney and protect her from the vultures

Is this social housing that your mum has been renting for a long time & your sibs want mum to buy at the heavily discounted rate? Or have I got the wrong end of the stick?

are your brothers contemplating??

Cheating their mother out of the value of her house???

Thats what you need to talk to your mother about. Your brothers are trying to swindle her b

This. Your brothers are scum. Why would you not speak up!!!

Exactly @LoneFemaleTraveller but @Whoopy says that speaking up would damage her relationship with her mother. Maybe the OP should consult a solicitor and then get some sort of letter, outlining her siblings' scheme to cheat their mother (obviously trying to minimise inheritance tax) - putting it in black and white - and stating (again in writing) her objections to the scheme.

It's outrageous and if any of my siblings tried to do this to my mother, I would go nuclear.

@Whoopy but my siblings would call me to the dogs to everyone they could, saying I was only helping her to get my hands on her money. is that not exactly what they are doing??? if your sis and bil are poor then where are they getting 15k to give to your mum?? tell your mum not to do this at least for the sake of family harmony! if they do this then poor sis and bil will end up borrowing large sums willy nilly!

@Whoopy You are sounding rather passive while your siblings are trying to get their hands on your mother's assets and your potential inheritance. You need to voice your objections very clearly to your mother, not just wash your hands of the whole thing.

It's obvious that if they do go ahead with this plan to buy her house for half its true value, they'll then just try to get as much of the money back as well, pleading poverty etc. So your mum will be left with no house, no money, and they'll dump her on you to look after.

As others are saying, this is deprivation of assets, should your mother ever require care. Yhere is a possibility of financial abuse regarding the money she has already gifted to certain siblings. They are also cheating yiu out of a share of your inheritance. Legal advice required ASAP.

In answer to your thread title OP, yes you are being unreasonable to let them get on with it!!

I can totally understand your desire to wash your hands of the lot of them and walk away, but as you clearly love your DM enough to help her with the little jobs that none of your siblings can be bothered with, then surely you have love enough for her to protect her from what could ultimately be a MISERABLE old age. I don't think you've said how old she is, although I may have missed it, but as others have said this has DISASTER written all over it, unless YOU take action to protect your DM.

How old is your dm?
Your siblings are basically trying to steal from her.
Personally I would tell your dm to get proper legal advice.
If you don’t oppose your dm selling to them then you’re enabling a vulnerable person to be abused imo.
My dm would probably take below value for her home from me but I wouldn’t do it because it’s wrong. Your db should be helping her from his own money not stealing hers.

Well that's quite the wheeze your siblings have cooked up. "Let's rip off our mother and leave all the difficult bits to Whoopy. Now, shall we go to the Bahamas or the Maldives?"

Proper legal advice is essential.

If any sibling gets annoyed with you for not going along with this scheme it's not because they're remotely concerned about you or your mother, it's pique for not being allowed to get away with it.

Please @Whoopy , listen to the advice that posters like @Froooty have given.
What your siblings are proposing is not just immoral but possibly illegal. They are already financially abusing your mum and she doesn’t realise that. Stop being frightened of upsetting your appalling siblings, stand up for yourself and your mother.
How dreadful it is when people abuse their own parents like this.

This is exactly the type of stunt my siblings tried with my mother. Wanting to use their share of any (potential)inheritance to buy the house cheaper, whilst leaving my mother with less money.

I put a stop to that, helped her buying a retirement flat and had cash in the bank. And when she died in 2018 they got worse. They got less than they expected, but more than they deserved.

I know it's probably not the right thing to do but what about equity release? Gives you mum some cash now and gets paid back when the house is sold. Hopefully seriously reducing their grab.

CFs

You might want to look into the tax implications as well - I don’t think your siblings can effectively receive half a house for free without that being considered a taxable capital gain. They would also certainly be liable for capital gains when they come to sell as it’s not their residence.

Years ago when quite young - so no deprivation of assets I don't think. My Great Uncle a single man, split the ownership of his house between my mother and my uncle.
His solicitor insisted that he keep 1/3 share for himself as if DM or DU were to get divorced their share of the property would be a family asset and my father or aunt could force him to sell his house if he no longer had a share in his home

If what your family are proposing to do goes ahead leaving your mother with no stake in her own home. Regardless of deprivation of assets, a divorce could force the sale and she could end up homeless.

This is not right and is not looking out for your mother in any way. I dont think it will go anywhere once a solicitor becomes involved as there are too many ways in which this is entirely dodgy.

Poor you OP as family greed is just toxic.

Sorry I haven’t been back before now, but dm took unwell and ended up in hospital (we think she’s going to be fine). The younger of my brothers came to visit her, but other brother and sister were busy so couldn’t!

Brother asked me why I was so against dm selling her house, to raise some money she could spend now. I pointed out everything from my point of view and also some of the things that were said on here (didn’t tell him I was getting advice from all the lovely people on Mumsnet though). Apparently my, not so ds, had told him that I had plenty of money to pay my share in buying dm’s house! He asked me to meet him for lunch today, so I don’t know what he’s going to say, he just said that he had a bit of thinking to do.

Report back after lunch.
Sounds like you gave him some things to think about.
Also that your sister is spreading false information, other DB might not have any idea on the truth either.

Interesting! Do come back and tell us what he had to say OP.

Just to add... NO-ONE has an inheritance til someone dies.

And anticipating an inheritance says everything about a person.

Why does your mother need money from the house if she has £20,000 in savings? That doesn't make sense at all. I think this is elder abuse and I would be contacting adult social services about it.