A poll - should partner working fewer hours do more housework?

[TheBerry]

Person A and Person B contribute equally financially to the household and currently earn about the same. However, Person A works longer hours. Person A also historically earns more and is likely to earn more again in the future.

Person B does a bit more childcare.

Should Person B be more responsible for cooking and chores? Or should they be allowed to relax in their downtime, and cooking/chores split equally?

YABU - Person B should be doing more cooking and more chores, since they have more free time.

YANBU - the cooking and chores should be split equally, and Person B shouldn’t have to do more just because they work fewer hours.

It should be split so both individuals have the same amount of free time (ie free time from work, childcare, chores etc). The actual earned income shouldn't matter if you're a true team

I agree @Dacadactyl it does, but it kind of goes with the territory. Both DH and I have had to sacrifice stuff, but yes it should be equal.

(Though in fairness in this scenario, DH bought a running buggy so I got peace while he ran)

Aw ffs, nobody is saying it's a miserable thankless task. Just that it's nice to get some downtime to relax, pursue hobbies - whatever 'me time' is to them.

Living in an insulated, heated house is also a massive privilege when looked at globally. Many don't have that luxury. Does that mean we should be so grateful to clean our houses that we don't see housework as a chore?

For many families, in the UK and more so worldwide, having access to a wide range of healthy groceries is a privilege. Does that mean we should be so grateful to cook constantly that it's not seen as reasonable to split it between a couple?

Yes I think B should do more, but this depends on the kids ages. I don't agree with the idea that whoever does childcare shouldn't have to do chores, they mostly go hand in hand since the kids cause most of the mess in the first place. But are you talking about a 15 month old or a 9 year old. Because the two are incomparable, its quite easy to spend 24/7 with a 15 month old and still not get the dinner cooked on a bad day. I work PT and do most of the house stuff, and honestly could not compare my life now with a few years ago when my little ones were small. I can pop out to the shops, do my exercise and get the chores done in a fraction of the time. I get lots of down time, plus kids do some chores now too. So right now I think I have the easier job, DH has a lot of work stress. But 5 years ago he was the luckier one and I would have swapped in a heartbeat.

Of course it is work, what a ridiculous thing to say. You can't leave a small child on their own and expect them to grow up to be an active, healthy, emotionally literate adult, you have to put the work in to help them grow and learn, it doesn't just happen on its own does it...

The fact that not everyone can experience it doesn't diminish the fact that looking after a child is working. It's this sort of attitude that keeps women stuck at home doing the bulk invisible (and unpaid) labour, because we should feel 'privileged' to have a child in the first place. 🙄

I work 80 hour weeks and earn the same as my husband. I did all household chores on my one day off. I am now divorcing him as he is a selfish prick who refused to do even half of the chores. The person working less should 100% do extra jobs so time spent doing any kind of job (paid or household) is equal.

I work part time (0.6) and have always viewed my days ‘off’ as time to do all the tasks which give us evening / weekend downtime. When my children are on half term, entertaining them also comes into this but they are older now and fairly self sufficient so other than some trips out & feeding, I have plenty of time for chores.

My husband certainly doesn’t expect this, but his wage enables me to work part time to benefit our family, so it makes sense I use that time to make our family life easier. When our children were little I got less done and we split more chores equally over the weekend etc.

To be honest, I don’t really have time to relax on my days off!

@LittlestG I don't mean privileged in that way I mean privileged to be able to spend that time with them. Because many people don't have the choice but to go to work and would love to be able to spend time at home looking after their child.

And I still disagree. It's not work, it's caring for your child. It's not a frigging chore. if you view childcare for your own child are work, what on earth did you have kids for!

What a really sad sad view that helping your child grow and develop is such a grind.

This
It's about free time

I'd expect person B to pick up a bit more slack than person A, with their being a fair split of roles when they are together, if person a gets in significantly later, I'd hope B would have made dinner. How old are the kids, also has a huge factor in this. How much downtime is B getting access to, given A has none if they are at work, and kids are always home, doesn't b get child free time regularly? Too many factors without further clarification

Person A and B dont earn the same hourly rate though do they?

B shouldn't be penalised for having a better paying job when they cover their share of costs.

Nobody is saying that ffs. She works less to spend more time with the kids through choice. If she worked more she'd earn more bit it would cost them more in childcare.

Therefore her employment plus childcare time should be compared against his employed hours. Then chores split in a way that gives them equal downtime

That's not a genuine partnership if it's only based on what you contribute financially. So if one person can make in a day what the other can make in a week, it would be fair for the first person to sit back on their arse and do nothing the rest of the time.

Marriage, sharing a house and raising children should be done as a team. Not based purely on financial contribution.

Each person should be investing an equal amount of time and energy into the family (the split between employment, childcare and chores is irrelevant but the total hours for each party should be roughly equal).

So I work 10 hours per week and dh works 37. Mon-wed I technically have free time between 9-3 I go to the gym twice a week, visit elderly parents, walk dog and spend a couple of hours each day doing housework. Evenings I do pots/tidy up but we share bed time. Weekends we split it 50/50 and both get free time.

A poll - should partner working fewer hours do more housework?

I really don’t think it’s as black and white as that. There are many variables to consider.

When it comes down to it, if you love and care for each other you help each other out.

It is your home that every household member shares, so everyone according to their abilities pitches in.

Forget this trying to tally up who works harder and deserves more downtime. Or trying to keep an even score.

Everyone should be getting enough downtime and rest and recreation. Everyone should be pitching in and helping. Nobody should be pushing themselves to the point of exhaustion because they’re drowning in household chores and childcare responsibilities and never getting a break.

One of you is sick or injured, the other should step up and support them in their recovery. It might mean that they’re doing more than their fair share. Well next time it might be them who needs some extra support.

Neither of you likes cooking? Then both of you either do it together or take turns, just because you love each other and want to make things a bit easier for each other.

Everyone is responsible for cleaning up after themselves. It’s not loving or respectful to leave mess behind for someone else to clean up for you. Your partner is not your house elf.

Love, respect and help each other out.

@obje if both are doing 50% of the Bill's why not 50% childcare?

If I earn less 30% less than DH, I wouldnt expect him to say he is doing 30% less domestic labour. Especially if we are paying equally int the pot so the hours arent really relevant.

Someone posted the other day that they earn more but DH does longer shifts and he couldn't be arsed to pick up his kids because he works longer. That isnt a partnership.

But if I could bring home the same money for less hours, I dont see why I should do more domestic labour/unpaid hours. Split the cost of a cleaner or the part time person could more hours and the lower earner can cut back and do more domestic labour.