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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU going through his phone

52 replies

user1467114819 · 05/11/2023 18:24

So long story.. I suspected husband was hiding something (not the first time really) so I browsed at his phone on Friday just because I wanted to know, wasn’t surprised when I found messages to some woman, didn’t read through them all but enough to know they’ve met up etc etc, I didn’t even bother mentioning it because I couldn’t be bothered with the Agro, he then went out that night and had the cheek to text me saying how he wants another baby (we have one child who’s 11) so I couldn’t stop myself confronting him that I knew what he was up to, why the hell would I want another baby with him, he lied a bit and then eventually must of realised I actually had seen messages and said ‘well we just went on 2 casual dates’ so anyway today me and daughter were out of the house all day and he out of the blue this morning starts texting going completely nuts about the fact that I looked at his phone, turned it around on me and basically said ‘you should be lucky I’m still around you would be homeless without me etc’ I then told him ‘if you want to leave them leave I’m really not bothered’ but all I asked was that he doesn’t cause drama in front our child she’s so sensitive I don’t want that worry and stress on her right now, he then proceeded to send a photo of suitcases saying ‘I’ve packed everything I’m going’ I told him ‘ok go that’s fine, but can you please tell ‘our child’ that you are working away for now until I can ease her into the idea not just springing that on her’ he then kicked off again saying it’s my problem and actually text our daughter saying ‘I’m leaving for good I’ll come see you once or twice a month’ luckily I managed to get to the text and delete before she seen it .. the only thing I wanted from him was to spare our daughters feelings and not put her through that right now, yes I know eventually she would need to know but not like that. I then started ignoring his messages as we were out, i then had another message saying ‘well if you want me to stay for ‘our child’s’ sake then I’ll stay but I’m not paying anything’ I said ‘I didn’t ask you to stay I asked you to not tell our child in that way and just say you are working away for now’ and he says ‘I’m staying but I’m paying no rent no bills nothing, that’s the price you pay if you want me not to tell ‘our child’ anything’ like wtf! So basically he doesn’t tell her about the issues (he knows I worry about upsetting her etc and it’s not fair on any child to have that drama) but he lives in the house and doesn’t pay towards anything, he works in a very well paid job most of the time working away, I work part time in a much less paid job as I’m the one who looks after our child. So after the very long story, my question is have I caused this drama and aibu by going through his phone in the first place?

OP posts:
LoneFemaleTraveller · 09/11/2023 06:46

Can you have her stay elsewhere while you have him leave?

Smugandproud · 09/11/2023 06:56

@Catza unfortunately we don’t live in a world where everything is better if we follow the law to the letter.

My dm in the 1950’s was pregnant with her 4th dc and no money for food whilst my df was buying theatre tickets and records.
She went through his pockets and found a 10 shilling note. It meant we got food that week. My df assumed he’d dropped the money and never found out the truth. In your eyes what my dm did was wrong. But who was the real villain here?

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