To be really upset about DC split with boyfriend

[Damonalbarnsbigtoe]

Just that really, they’ve been together for almost two years. Both 20 and first loves. He has become part of our family and I’m going to miss him. He was always respectful and caring towards my DC and I felt they were always safe with him. I am obviously very supportive of their mutual decision and am not letting DC know how much this has upset me. AIBU to feel like this?

In a word, yes. They're young and each other's first loves. The likelihood of it lasting forever was tiny.

No YANBU to feel like this, and you're doing the right thing by not telling DC. You've welcomed this person as part of your family, it's normal to feel there's a void. It will settle.

I feel your pain op. My daughter split up with her boyfriend (they were engaged too) earlier this year and I secretly still feel sad as he was a nice person.
be prepared for lots of people on here telling you to stop being stupid and get a life- some have great difficulty in understanding the loss and will see it as your daughter’s business and nothing to do with you. However, when you welcome people
into your family I think it can impact upon everyone when they are no longer there.

YANBU, but how fantastic that instead of some abusive relationship, it was a good one and they have parted ways as best possible in this scenario.

My sister was heartbroken when one of her DS broke up with his GF. I didn’t understand how she could feel like this till now. DS and his GF have been together 5 years and she feels like family. I would really miss her if they broke up.

As long as you are not making a song and dance about it to your DC then of course it is totally normal to be disappointed and sad that an important relationship in your child’s life has ended. It is also normal to be sad that a person you have become fond of will no longer be around.

for god sake don’t let her get any inkling that you are thinking like this. She needs to be able to walk away from relationships that aren’t right, without worry that it will upset or disappoint you.

No, YANBU to feel this way, I've been through it with a couple of DS's long term gfs - you get used to them being around, in one case we got to know her family etc, so it feels very sad when the split comes.

But ultimately it's their decision and feelings, so we just have to step back and go with it.

You’re definitely not being unreasonable and you are wise to keep your feelings to yourself.

@Haydenn I’m not. Hence me putting it out into the ether on here instead.

@Damonalbarnsbigtoe I was gutted when DS split up with his first girlfriend and I didn’t like the next one nearly so much. It worked out in the end.

When DD split from her boyfriend (her choice) he was devastated. I felt awful for him. Obviously my loyalty lay with my DD but it did hurt me to know how much pain this lovely, kind, young man (who had become part of our family) was in.

Thanks everyone.

Well you feel how you feel.. very upset is quite a strong reaction though, a bit sad would be more expected. It’s maybe because it’s a sign they are moving further into adulthood and the next boyfriend probably won’t spend as much time at your place.

YANBU. And well done for keeping quiet about your feelings. My parents moped around and talked about how they had been thinking of my first boyfriend (3.5 years) as a son-in-law, and it made me feel like I couldn’t talk to them about relationships because they were just going to judge/be disappointed in me.

Totally get it, when my dd split with her boyfriend I felt like my adopted son had gone. But it was her choice and I will always put her first. I was tempted to contact him but never did.

I’m sure my mum was devastated when I broke up with my first boyfriend. We had been together for a couple of years and he really was lovely. I don’t think it’s odd - you presumably knew him well and cared about him while they were together and it’s sad to see it end even if it’s for the best for them. Time is a healer!

I really liked my eldest’s ex but equally I completely understood why DD broke up with her. It didn’t mean I wasn’t sad for both of them too. Just the gamut of emotions of parenting teens/adults.

YANBU to feel that way.
It is lovely to see them happy with a lovely partner.

Equally, it is probably good for both of them to experience different relationships and meet lots of people.

As long as you don't say anything to them, it is normal to feel a bit sad when any relationship ends.

YANBU. My eldest DD has been with her BF for 4 years and he lives with us during uni holidays. I often think about how very sad I'd feel if they broke up. He's just a lovely human being, which is obviously what my fantastic DD deserves.

I think it’s completely normal-I was upset when my dd split with her first bf-he was lovely and always was happy to chat. Just couldn’t handle her being away at uni. My son’s gf is wonderful and I’d be very upset if they split and I no longer saw her. Not least because he totally adores her so he’d be crushed. It’s understandable you’re upset-you welcomed someone decent into your family who made your dc very happy if only for a while.

I felt exactly like this when my DD split with her bf. He had become a part of the family - we keep in touch through facebook but honestly it was a weird time as he felt like another son to me.

@NotManyDaysTilChristmas It does feel weird. I would never let it be known to my DC but he did feel like part of the family and even though they’ve decided they’re not compatible he is someone who I got along well with and so will miss. As @BogHag reassuringly put it, time heals.

My diss was like this when her ds broke up with gf. Lots of crying and saying ' I dont want them to split up '
We had a chat about it, ,told her that ds cant stay in the relationship just because she doesn't want them to split up,,its his life after all.

Totally understandable! The idea that you’d suddenly switch off any feeling or bond you had with someone who came into your family is bizarre. I think it shows that you’re a good person and hopefully DD takes after you!