To wonder why people outside of my home exhaust me?

[Gerres]

I’m not sure how to explain this but I’ve always wondered how friends or even acquaintances can spend hours on end with each other and not need a break. I spent 4 hours round my friends house today and now I have a terrible headache and I’ve done nothing for the rest of the day.

For me I can only spend a couple of hours with other people otherwise I feel like brain is frying and I need time to relax. I think it’s because you have to be concentrating when you’re with friends. I can only put a front on for so long until I just want to be the home version of me. I’ve spoken to people about this before and no one seems to get what I mean.

One thing I just don’t get is how some people can go on holiday with friends and spend a week in each others’ pockets without getting a burned out brain. Like don’t you need time alone to be the home you.

Masking drains you. Lots of people mask as a coping mechanism and for me personally I've only really recently appreciated how much I do this in every day life, as it has always been the way I behave in the outside world.

It tires me to spend time with people who have to present a formal, positive, 'acceptable' version of themselves. On the occasions that I have friends who don't do this, but let me see the un-curated self, I can spend a virtually unlimited amount of time with them.

When I was a student and lived with friends, this happened so naturally. I actually think British people have more trouble with this level of relaxation around friends than people in my home country.

I am always surprised on Mumsnet how many people hate having houseguests, having people drop in unexpectedly, having family members turn up to stay for a while, and I think this must be the reason- that a more formal version of the self needs to be polished up for almost everyone.

Could you be neurodivergent? I've just found out at age 46 that I have always been autistic. It explains many of my quirks, coping mechanisms and trauma. What about you?

You’re an introvert. Introverts can find company exhausting.

I feel the same. I also have a group of friends who all feel the same, so we'll all talk about how after we've met up, we need an hour when we get home to be silent and recover.
Other friends would think I was weird for saying that.
I don't put a front on and I'm always myself. But I do have to watch what I say in some regard. It's the talking and active listening that wears me out.
This is partly why DH is my best friend, I can say whatever pops into my head and just be completely natural.
The idea of going away with friends for a 'girly weekend' is hell to me!

I’m similar

If I meet friends in the evening I always end up going to bed really late as I need a long “wind down” period afterwards

You’re just an introvert OP. It’s not weird and there are loads of us.

I’m another one who’d describe my myself as a ‘sociable introvert’ - not shy, pretty good social skills, do enjoy the odd night out or weekend away but find extended socialising or just being other other people drains me, and I need time to recover afterwards. I’m someone who definitely needs a lot headspace - being around others all the time (sometimes even my own close family) is exhausting.

In contrast I find things like reading, gardening, studying, walking, travelling etc all energise me. And I much prefer doing things like shopping or going to the cinema or theatre on my own. Just need to be alone with my own thoughts.

If I meet friends in the evening I always end up going to bed really late as I need a long “wind down” period afterwards

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing Yes! I always have a nice time, but it’s like I need to restore equilibrium or something before I can rest. Sometimes being around others for long periods literally leaves my head spinning (even if there’s no alcohol involved!)

You are probably an introvert. I was told years ago that extroverts get their energy from other people, introverts get their energy from things. I guess things like their home, or books or being in nature.

Introverts live in a world that seems to be mainly full of extroverts. Being fairly extrovert is the ‘norm’, so introverts and the Neuro diverse can feel isolated.

The way to feel comfortable about this is to read up on it, the other posters on this thread will show you that you are not alone.

I suggest Pinterest, to see the funny side of life, plus helpful advice. The book Quiet (The Power of Introverts in a World that can’t Stop Talking)by Susan Cain, and look up also The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine N Aron.

Society would be a mess if it was only full of extroverts, same as if there were only introverts.

We have many strengths that others lack.

I'm the same as you @Greenfinch7 I could spend almost unlimited time with some of my friends, I actually crave their company sometimes and regularly go on holidays with them. I feel so comfortable with them. It's small talk with strangers or people I don't know very well that does me in, my mind just goes blank and it's painful. My OH is the opposite, he can chatter away to anyone. I honestly dread some social events. I can force myself to do it but the relief afterwards is wonderful!