Why is parenting so difficult?

[HogwartsAlumni]

Name changed.
Why is it so so tough to know how to do the right thing as a parent?
Or should I say, why is it so difficult for me, I’m sure most parents don’t find it so tough.

I have 3 DC. Pre teens and a toddler.
I know now that I had an unusual childhood, very sheltered in some ways. My parents were emotionally unavailable and it’s like me and my siblings didn’t understand feelings or caring for another person. But it was the norm for us, it didn’t feel like a bad childhood, it’s only as Ive gotten older and become a parent that I can see how dysfunctional it was.

But God help me, I don’t know how to parent. I know that I don’t want my children to have the childhood I did, and in lots of ways it is better. I am openly affectionate, I want to give them my time and attention, I want us to spend quality time as a family.

But fuck me, I don’t know why they don’t respond positively. Why the hell is everything a challenge? Why do they oppose nearly everything?
Maybe I tried too much to make their childhood better than mine, so I wasn’t firm enough? Maybe for some things I was too firm and inflexible? They are so fucking disrespectful. And entitled. They don’t give a shit about anything I say.
And it makes me so angry that I shout and I know they hate that, I’m pushing them away and it’s not fair on them. But I just don’t know how to change things.

Do your kids listen to you?
Do they look up to you, talk to you, turn to you for advice?
How did that happen? What can I do?

They listen sometimes, a lot of the times they do are the times when I’m at my most chilled but that isn’t hugely regularly unfortunately! My parents were all about hugs and at night time we’d always say I love you. I’m lucky that that has carried through with my lot but we’re a chaotic family- I try to just remember that all that really matters is that everyone is happy, healthy and good to other people and so sometimes I bite my lip and sit down and watch YouTube with them, or watch them play Minecraft or we have a board game night or watch a movie. But most things are negotiations or battles!! They do talk to me in the most part but that’s because I try not to be confrontational when I need to know something iykwim- a lot comes out just chatting in the car for examples. Advice wise- I suppose we haven’t hit any of the major obstacles that require advice

I don't know the answer, but i do empathise. I could have written this myself! 🌷

Sometimes they listen. Sometimes they don't and I have to threaten things like locking their phones or blocking YouTube or not letting them have their pocket money. I won't be pestered - I tell them that if I have to repeat myself then one of the above that's will happen. I ignore strops.