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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

If you live far away from your family what is it like?

20 replies

Teandtoast1 · 04/11/2023 21:13

Potentially looking at moving 2 hours away. We don’t live near family at the minute but they are only an hour away.

So it will just me and the hubby and kids in a new town. Which excites me just wondering if we will feel isolated.

OP posts:

DominiqueBernard · 04/11/2023 21:17

I don't think you will feel particularly different about being 2 hours away from family rather than 1, if you don't see them very regularly at the moment (i.e. once a week/10 days.)

What will feel different is being in a new town where you are away from your local friends and what you know (bakery, pharmacy, doctors, dentist, hairdresser, gym, pool, etc.) and your DC in a new school, new hobby clubs, etc.

Sofaz34 · 04/11/2023 21:23

I live 2 hours away from family, we have a much better relationship because of it. You do have to accept though that seeing them is more effort as it means overnight stays. Also if you rely on them for childcare or even the occasional baby sitting you may regret being far.

towriteyoumustlive · 04/11/2023 21:27

My parents live 3 hours away so I tend to go and stay so see them for long periods of time but only 3 times a year.

I see more of my parents than the inlaws who live 20 mins away!

PetsAreBetter · 04/11/2023 21:27

Two hours isn't that far. In some ways it's quite good, unless you like to have family spontaneously pop round of want to have dinner with your parents once a week. I'm an introvert who likes a bit of space though.

Brenna24 · 04/11/2023 21:28

2 hours away would be a dream for us. Currently we are lucky to have my closest family member 2 hours away but the whole of my husband's family are in one European country and my mum in another. We are on Scotland. We do fine. I take a lot of photos to send to the grandparents and my husband's sister abroad and we manage to see my siblings on a semi regular basis. There is no backup for school pick-up, emergencies etc. we just have to work that out between the 2 of us and I guess beg favours from friends if it ever came to it.

Maryamlouise · 04/11/2023 21:29

We are 8 hours away so it means longer visits not very often, no childcare help but two hours away seems fine - easy enough to visit for the day etc

theduchessofspork · 04/11/2023 21:29

I don’t think it will be significantly different with your parents, just the usual adapting to a new place. Good luck with it.

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/11/2023 21:30

2 hours isn't far. I've lived a plane journey away.

EasterIssland · 04/11/2023 21:30

My family lives in another country
my husbands 5 walking mins

its got its benefits but also when things become hard you miss having someone close to you to provide you support

MotherOfVizslas · 04/11/2023 21:33

It has improved my mental health remarkably being far from my family😂

They can't suck me into their (very frequent) dramas, and I control when I see them.

Riverlee · 04/11/2023 21:34

If you don’t have a lot to do with your family now, it will be no different. The only difference is that an hour you can pop over for an afternoon, but two hours is more of a day trip.

if you were the type of family that saw each other regularly, had lots of childcare help etc, then that may be different.

RandomQuestionOfTheDay · 04/11/2023 21:34

I think 1 hr away vs 2 is quite different, though it depends on how often you see them and what support you or they need - a 2 hour round trip for Sunday lunch is doable, a 4 hour round trip probably not going to happen.

But if you don’t rely on them for childcare (even the emergency kind) and they don’t rely on you for taking them to hospital appointments etc then it’s not a big deal.

GOODCAT · 04/11/2023 21:36

We are two hours away. We never stay over so drive there and back the same day. It is mostly fine, just get difficulties in helping each other out easily. Tend to visit every 6 weeks but can be more if needed. It is virtually always us who does the travelling, which is not a problem.

The main problem has been that all the issues around mum getting older and needing more support has fallen to my sister as she is closer.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 04/11/2023 21:37

We moved 4 hours away from both sides of our family when our dc were 6 and 9, to the opposite end of the country, where we knew nobody. We've been here 9 years and have really liked it since we moved.

Anneta · 04/11/2023 21:37

Two hours is not too far away from your family. I have family three and four hours away but these days with FaceTime it’s so easy to keep in touch. I end up seeing both of these family members longer than other family that live 20 minutes away. Visits tend to be for a long weekend or a short break away together three or four times a year.

romany4 · 04/11/2023 21:42

I moved 400 miles from my family at 19 to be with my DH.
Was very hard at first as I was young and knew nobody but it's all worked out fine. I talk to my mum at least twice a week and we text nearly every day. I stay in touch with my siblings via WhatsApp and fb.

I'm now over 50 and I still live hours away. My own little family is here and I'd never move back now

Octavia64 · 04/11/2023 21:46

Making friends in a new town is a skill.

Say yes to any invitations, join a few things and generally be outgoing. It'll be easier if you have kids.

Two hours isn't that far for family, you can still do visits.

(My mum lives 5 hours drive away and my brother is the other side of the world)

Emeraldsanddiamonds · 04/11/2023 21:48

Speaking as the child of immigrants to New Zealand, I think my family would fall over laughing about the two hours. My family came in the 1950s when there was no email or zoom and toll calls were insanely expensive. Some of my husband's family got on a tiny wooden sailing ship and risked their lives in the 1870s.

Sallyingon · 04/11/2023 21:55

I live two hours away. It's fine, but I think we have missed a lot of every day stuff, like popping round for tea or my mum coming to the kids school plays and stuff. I would have liked to help out my sister when she had her kids too.

LyTinWheedle · 04/11/2023 22:04

During the small child years I don't think I missed out much as they aren't the regularly pick up from school sort of grandparent, in fact they are more the 'drop you like a hot potato if something better comes up' sort of parent BUT now my children are grown and leaving home I have very elderly parents 7 hours drive away which is turning into a right royal pain if I'm honest!

It's not something that ever factored in to my decision to live far from home but now it's a lot later on I'm starting to realise it is important. So just a heads up for you because you end up middle aged and full of people that rely on you much quicker than you could imagine.

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