When will ds notice and will damage be inevitable?

[griefstullthere]

My ex partner of several years has never met our son who is now 18 months. I have asked many times if he wants a relationship with ds, he says yes and then I hear nothing. I was hopeful he would start to become involved and left the door wide open for that but as so much time has passed I think I have to accept he is not going to do the right thing.

Ex has no other commitments or family or relationships… I don’t know how to explain his absence to our son? When should I expect ds to start to notice? When will he ask? I don’t know what to tell him. Will this damage him? I worry more and more everyday.

When he is around other children talking about their daddies.

I would just say that he doesn’t have a daddy at first. When he’s old enough to know that there must be a dad, then explain a bit more. If the dad is as flaky as you say, don’t build up expectations of seeing him that are just going to be disappointing.

It’s impossible to know. Plenty of people with absent fathers grow up to be happy, well-adjusted adults. Some don’t. But you can’t do anything to make his father change, so you just have to be the best mum you can.

If you grow up with love - that is all you need. I know many people who are damaged by fathers that were present but horrible. Equally I know people that have had minimal or zero access to their dads and are OK with it because they have all of the love and resources that they need.

as DC grows up, questions and inevitable and maybe some feelings and thoughts might creep up. But make the effort to make yourself open and approachable and don’t be afraid to answer their questions.

When he asks don’t lie - find an easy version of the truth.

My son asked me around 4 why he doesn’t have two sets of grandparents so I had to tell him my mum was dead and I’d never met my my dad. I told him my dad wasn’t very good at being a dad, that it was better for him not to be in my life and that instead I had lots of other family who loved me and took care of me.

Something like that maybe?