AIBU to feel unimportant?

[Lamaitresse]

I’ve always had quite low self-esteem, but do my best to try to build my confidence.
Over the last 10 years or so I’ve made some really good friends and have been feeling pretty boosted by these friendships. Some of my friends have been going through really tough times (one has had cancer) and I’ve been there for them all the way. I think I’m a pretty good friend, and when birthdays come around I see it as an opportunity to make my friends feel really special, and I always try to do something thoughtful and call them on the day.
It was my birthday last week (mid-40’s so not an important one). My dh and dc’s put together a really lovely day out, and gave me a gorgeous handmade card etc. I was very touched, and felt very loved.
We had a super busy day, then went out for a meal in the evening & I had a couple of drinks. When we got home & the kids were in bed I suddenly realised that four of my best friends had completely forgotten it was my birthday, and hadn’t messaged or called.
I felt really upset by this, like I am totally unimportant in their lives, even though to me they are very important. I started thinking that maybe I need to step back a little, if these relationships mean so much more to me than they do to my friends.
My dh thinks I’m overreacting, that it’s normal for people to forget birthdays, but I actually feel pretty hurt.
Three of these friends have now realised that they forgot - I spoke to one today as she’s going through a bit of a tough time, and my birthday wasn’t even mentioned.

YABU - you need to woman up and get over yourself

YANBU - you have good reason to feel sad about this, and maybe you need to rethink things

Do you have your birthday on Facebook or anything like that? Just as if my friends didn't I wouldn't remember, it doesn't change how much I love them, I'm just rubbish with dates.

I think it is a bit hurtful tbh. If they are good friends otherwise, could you scale back to a card for them, then you wouldn't feel the imbalance so much?

You are not U to be a bit sad about it but TBH I am at the point in my life where I just don’t have it in my locker to make a fuss about the day people were born unless there is a party or other event to celebrate it.

My friends and I just meet for a mid-week dinner either the week before it the week after someone’s birthday now and whoever’s birthday it is doesn’t pay. Nothing fancy usually Wagamama or Pizza Express etc and not everyone can make every time but it’s the best we can all consistently manage nowadays as life is fucking hectic, we all have things going on, kids at different stages etc

@Coffeeisnecessary yes, it is on Facebook, but I guess three of them don’t go on it much.

@BasinHaircut I completely get that, and think it’s a brilliant idea. These friends are all spread around, and two are in another country, so messaging/calling is the only option really!

It's shit, yes especially as you have been there for them. A quick text would not have taken long. Most people either remember dates or put important ones into their calendar's.

No matter what is happening in my life I will always send a quick message whether it's a birthday or something else important.

I stopped using social media years ago and funnily enough birthday wishes stopped coming in, that's family and friends.

It's hard when you're in their company and speak regularly, as talk about birthday's comes up. It's not for the want of receiving gifts, it's just the acknowledgement.

When I turned 50 my friend of 30 years forgot. It hurt so much but I couldn't express my feelings as it was just a birthday and I'm a grown woman and shouldn't be upset over this but I was and still am and I've taken a step back.

Your feelings are important and if you feel upset over this that's perfectly ok. It's up to you how you move forward, you can take a step back or just do no favours or take time to acknowledge their special dates .

I have a lot of friends, not many of them ever remember my birthday. I personally don’t mind too much, it doesn’t mean they don’t value my friendship. But I know if the shit hit the fan, there are lots of people who’d be there for me and that is far more important to me than not remembering my birthday.