to want to get married on spur of moment without my family there?

[Sufi]

DP and I are thinking about getting married. He's 40 in a month and we've arranged a long weekend with 14 very old, close friends and kids in the Lakes. I've been married before and fell out with my dad when I got divorced, though I've since developed a much closer relationship with my mum and dad since my DS was born.

Last night we thought, why not get married at the same time? It'll be easy, no hassle and avoid all that family c**p and all the expense - and it'd be a surprise, we'd just tell friends the night before we did the deed.

We both realy like the idea, but I'm worried it'll upset my mum (not that arsed if it upsets my dad). But if we have my mum and dad, we;ll have to have DP's - who he doesn't get on with (and nor do I), and then our siblings, and then great-uncle Fred etc etc. - and all of a sudden it'll be a big fat hassle, which neither of us wants.

what do you think - AIBU to want to do it this way? I have to make a decision tonight as it's only 4 weeks to go and the register office has told me to book the last slot before it gets taken up!

Sounds perfect Sufi

DH and I got married rather suddenly with no family there whatsoever. It was the best thing we could ever have done (we've been married more than 13 years now).

Part of our reasoning was that if we even invited 1 family member then we'd have to invite them all (and many of them we'd really rather avoid!)

Do it, do it, do it!

Also, if you invite just your ma bet she won't come without your pa

Not worth the hassle

Sounds like a good solution Sufi
Best of luck and congratulationsxxx

My mom always said she would put the ladder outside my window so I could sneak out to get married, but in the end she was happy to be there.

Go for it.

My SIL did this some years back now and it did cause hurt for the parents (both sets IMO). I think this was at least in part because they were told afterwards - so if you want a wedding with close friends I think great - good for you - but perhaps tell your mum beforehand so she feels part of the surprise and not less important than your friends.

I think if you did it with no one your mum might take it better than with friends and not her.

Think you need to tell your mum beforehand - why surprise her afterwards? Then she can feel a bit involved, rather than knowing you planned it behind her back? We got married with 2 witnesses no no-one else, had a huge reception the next day, and still haven't heard the last of it from the in-laws about how they weren't invited to The Wedding. We did tell them beforehand, got my family's blessing and a load of grief from his...

Like Nike says, just do it

Congratulations!!

sufi, sounds great. if i was you id ask your mum aswell but of course thats upto you.

sounds wonderful and v romantic

congrats and hope you have a wonderful day

ps why was your dad pissed off about your divorce? whats it got to do with him.?
sounds like your mums better off without him

Only read OP

YANBU. Not at all!! Do it, do it, do it! You wont regret it.

DH and I eloped to avoid similar family politics and ended up getting married midst ski holiday. Planned from start to finish in 6 weeks. Never regretted it. Have the most awesome memories.

We offered to have blessings after the event in this country to appease parents.

I say go for it. But tell p's immediately afterwards and face their inevitable wrath/disappointment which you can try to alleviate by saying it was a last minute decision. they will get over it, given time and if you don't rub it in. I hope.

we did something similar and loved it

do you have time for bans/notice?

thanks everyone. I've booked a slot at the register office (just have time to do it) and Mum coming up tonight, so will have a proper chat to her about it tomorrow. If she's really unhappy/upset then I won't go through with it - and probably never get married as a result, but hey! I'm hoping she'll understand... but it's not the end of the world if she doesn't. It's not that I don't want her there, it's that I don't want a big hassle, to deal with family politics (on both sides) and really want it to be spontaneous - because me and DP are for keeps, we have a little boy now, and I don't want that to get lost in dresses, cakes, flowers, expense, gritting teeth, trying not to think about how mean my Dad was when I got divorced etc etc. This way, it'd only be about us and our son - no one else knows, BTW, what we're planning, and we intend on telling friends who are going up to the Lakes to celebrate DP's birthday the night before... ah, families: can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.

Thanks again everyone for your honest opinions (and for all the congrats)!! xx

good luck tonight.

hi all. In case you wondered how it went, mum is really happy for us to get married this way - she's glad i told her beforehand and we're off to get me a dress tomorrow, so it's all working out!

brilliant, v pleased for you

yay! nice one sufi.

Go for it! I had a similar scenario with being married before. DH parents divorced and didn't get on. We went to St Lucia and got random strangers to be witnesses. No family or friends but fantastic time. We did tell family before hand though and they were fine about it. They had the full big day the first time.