About my DC’s meltdowns

[Strugglingmum3]

DD is 4. Sometime she has violent meltdowns. Hitting me in the face, kicking me, pulling my hair, throwing things, recently trying to break a chair. Often at bedtime when she doesn’t want to go to bed. Sometimes at other times. This week one of them was when she didn’t want to get in the car to go to school. Another was when she wanted go to to softplay before the supermarket when we we needed the shopping first. The rest of the time she is lovely.

I’m really struggling. I spoke to nursery last year and they mentioned ADHD, but ExH thinks it’s my fault for not being strict enough (but I left him because he told me he’D never tell me I’m a good mum after I had PND so I’m not sure if he’s right). I’ve read a lot and am trying hard…boundaries , consequences, staying calm, giving her choices but her behaviour seems to be getting worse not better.

Posting for traffic as I’m struggling. I think she’s ok in school (but have parents evening coming up). ExH doesn’t speak to me (and is inconsistent in replying to emails and can be really cruel) so I can’t have a proper conversation with him about it.

I’m feeling a bit broken by it all. Any advice/support? Thanks.

Hi sorry you are having a hard time with this. My child had loads of “meltdowns” really awful ones, was really tough. From aged 2 to about 8/9 - they became less and less frequent and then got less and less intense but my goodness it was really tough. My child does not have asd or adhd. What really helped was reminding myself there was nothing wrong with my child, and nothing wrong With my parenting. There’s a great book called “raising your spirited child” as well as Instagram profiles - drbeckygoodside (who coined it as “high feelings kids”), jes_martini, mindfulmessmom, and also any gentle parenting profile - but those are good places to start.

you are doing a great job, it’s so hard and stressful when they are so upset and hard to soothe

Google the Incredible Years programme. I did it free through a parenting group with barnardos and found it so helpful

You can buy the book new or second hand and audio book is on audible

I would pursue it. My eldest had crazy meltdowns and difficult behaviour and people kept telling me oh it's normal, he'll grow out of it. He didn't and I struggled for ages thinking I was just a failure. He has ADHD and I wish I'd got it recognised earlier.

(He has now grown out of it! But it was a tough time)

Grown out of the meltdowns and behaviour - he still has ADHD.

My daughter was an absolute fucking nightmare at that age.

She's now five and it is starting to improve. Less frequent, less violence, quicker to deescalate.