First time poster here. So long story short, husband and I have been together 11 years. I have been in his son’s life since he was 6, he is now 17. Over the years we’ve had some turbulence, particularly where the ex wife was concerned but things had settled down in the last year or two and I was enjoying our blended family. He lives with us full time with a night or two a week spent at his mum’s. We also have two other children together. Unfortunately recently, step son has started to think he is a grown up. Going out drinking, vaping, not doing things when asked. He has become really lazy around the house since leaving secondary school and despite my efforts helping him to create a CV and apply for loads of jobs, he is showing virtually no interest in wanting to get out there and earn his own pocket money, saying a job will interfere with his weekend hobbies. Husband keeps giving him spending money despite this, which I disagree with as he’s getting free money for doing nothing and it isn’t teaching him well for the future. Plus he’s spending most of it on alcohol when he goes out with friends at weekend. We went away recently and SS decided he wanted to stay at home for a couple of nights on his own, and agreed to stay at his mums a couple of nights too. Asked if he could have some friends round one evening. I was wary about this as I know they’d be drinking and also I had never met the friends in question. Husband overruled me and said fine but I wanted to limit to 2 friends. Husband overruled this and limited to 4. Neighbours contacted us to complain about the noise and behaviour, but the house was ok and no damage etc. Now the biggest problem I had was when he then had a second “gathering” with multiple friends I didn’t know on a night he was meant to be staying at his mums. Without telling us he went ahead and did this and we only knew about it as the neighbours complained again, but this time apparently the noise and behaviour was worse. I contacted him and told him how disappointed I was that he’d gone ahead and done this a second night this time without any consent. I felt it was very disrespectful and that he needed a consequence. He did apologise but I still wasn’t happy as he had gone behind our backs and planned the whole thing knowing he wasn’t allowed and then lied about it. Husband disagreed with me basically saying kids will be kids. His parenting style is to moan about the kids behaviour but do nothing about it. So now I’m left feeling like my home is not my own and he can basically do what he wants. Baring in mind I run around after this kid and do all his washing, meals, along with a lot of emotional support I’ve provided over the years and encouragement. In helped him choose a college course and apply for it. Ive tried to help him find a part time job. Given him lifts here and there when he needs them. I feel like not doing these things anymore and saying he should do his own washing and cooking from now on, since he doesn’t appear to have the respect towards me that I feel I deserve. I know for sure he wouldn’t do this at his mum’s house and he seems to have a lot more respect for her than he does us, although she does pretty much none of the above for him and hasn’t washed a single item of his clothing in nearly 4 years. AIBU to want to have boundaries in place in my home and have them respected?