To be quite upset with my friend over my birthday?

[WiffleBallBat]

To add some perspective, this is a person who has had nobody else in their life for many years. I have been their sole friend and invited them over on their birthdays, holidays even Christmas day so they wouldn't be alone. She didn't get any presents from anyone else so I always made a big fuss and got he presents and card.

She usually gets me a nice present and card too.

I've helped her through many bad times and accompanied her to appointments and all sorts.

This year she has a partner and my birthday is first in the year and was recently. All I got was a 'happy birthday' message via WhatsApp. Then radio silence all day

Her birthday is soon after mine and I was planning a lunch out and had chosen her presents.

It's not about not receiving anything physical, it's the fact that for the last 5 years of her life, when she had noone, I was there and made sure she never felt alone on her birthday or never went without someone to talk to.

And now that she has someone else she can't even bother to pop round with a card, post a card, phone me or ask if I want to do anything on my birthday (like we do every year)

AIBU to feel a bit used and to do the same on her birthday?

Just feeling sad.

YANBU to feel sad but unfortunately people change and let you down, never give to receive and you won’t be disappointed.

There is no excuse for an adult to drop a supportive friend, just because she's got a fella now. Give her the same treatment that she's just given you.

YANBU

as someone who gives a lot it can be disheartening when it isn’t reciprocated. I would continue being her friend but I would go all out for people that go all out for me.

I'd be worried her partner was isolating her

Absolutely not. Her partner is female and they only see each other on a weekend.

Nothing could be further from the truth than that.

i think time to step back. Definitely dont make a big thing about her birthday or give her gifts. She is a taker

There's a reason why she has no other friends 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think this is true. She has BPD and it's been a roller coaster.

I've stepped back a bit since she's gotten a partner as she's been busy with her but I might take the opportunity to just break away completly.

Yeah, that's really shitty OP. She's dropped you for someone 'better'. Happy belated birthday x

I wouldn't drop her as such, but I would take a step back. When her birthday comes round, drop her a chatty message to wish her happy birthday and ask how she is doing etc.

If you wanted to make a point, you could add something along the lines that you know you are not doing presents any more, but if she is free for a birthday coffee anytime soon, you would love to see her. But that depends on how irritated you feel on the day!

its certainly a pattern with some people

I’ve known a few people like this. She’ll rush back if the partner disappears. But you’ll know what she’s really like.

I would do the same as her. Message her ‘happy birthday’ and leave it there. No card, no pressie, no lunch, no hosting her for dinner.

You sound like a lovely friend, OP.

Was she generous before? How has her contact been since having a new partner?

What's she been like on your other birthdays?

Spend whatever you were going to spend on her present, on yourself.
Friends who drop you when partners are on the scene are shit Friends.

Mirror the effort she makes with you with her, so just send a happy birthday text and mute her on WhatsApp for a week. That's what I've started to do with certain people after getting my fingers burnt. I give them the same amount of effort that they spend on me.