I’m really low right now, I called Samaritans and it helped a little but I’m very low. I feel lonely, unloved and depressed. Was my birthday recently and I realised I have no one to make plans with, no one wants to ever do anything with me. I have a DH and 2 primary aged kids.
problem is I’m very shy and have low esteem. I had an awful childhood of neglect and sexual abuse by a male relative. I’ve had counselling for nearly 28 years and it did not help I feel. I’ve tried hypnosis but that didn’t seem to work. I’ve tried EDMR on YouTube as can’t afford actual treatments.
I just feel no one wants me around. I grew up with 3 older sisters who were close and I was the annoying little sister who was not wanted. They would sit in a room all 3 of them then go quiet when I entered and just laugh and call me “square” and “geek”. That’s how the older male cousin managed to sexually abuse me from age of 8 to 10 almost every night as my sisters would ignore me and I would be on my own. I remember lots of times when my parents were on holiday they went out and left me alone in the house. I always feel I’m in the way and people are annoyed with me. Their words really hurt me all the time. The other 2 are okay with me now but eldest one is very nasty. When I try to talk to her about my childhood she always says “fuck off about your sob story”, her daughters have now taken the role of bullying me and make fun of me. I haven’t actually spoken to her for 5 years now, I still talk to the other 2.
I feel so lonely and unloved. Everyone who doesn’t know my history always tells me how wonderful it must have been to grow up with all sisters. They’ve never celebrated anything, my wedding was depressing as I had no friends to have a hen night with etc. I’m always alone.
if I’m being truly honest I know people like my kids friend do try to make an effort with me but after every meeting I feel
anxious that I said something wrong or they think I’m a geek. I do tend to close off from people. I feel sad I got born into such a horrible family. In my mums eyes my eldest sister can do no wrong.