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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I really need some help

3 replies

iWantachanger · 04/11/2023 08:18

I’m really low right now, I called Samaritans and it helped a little but I’m very low. I feel lonely, unloved and depressed. Was my birthday recently and I realised I have no one to make plans with, no one wants to ever do anything with me. I have a DH and 2 primary aged kids.

problem is I’m very shy and have low esteem. I had an awful childhood of neglect and sexual abuse by a male relative. I’ve had counselling for nearly 28 years and it did not help I feel. I’ve tried hypnosis but that didn’t seem to work. I’ve tried EDMR on YouTube as can’t afford actual treatments.

I just feel no one wants me around. I grew up with 3 older sisters who were close and I was the annoying little sister who was not wanted. They would sit in a room all 3 of them then go quiet when I entered and just laugh and call me “square” and “geek”. That’s how the older male cousin managed to sexually abuse me from age of 8 to 10 almost every night as my sisters would ignore me and I would be on my own. I remember lots of times when my parents were on holiday they went out and left me alone in the house. I always feel I’m in the way and people are annoyed with me. Their words really hurt me all the time. The other 2 are okay with me now but eldest one is very nasty. When I try to talk to her about my childhood she always says “fuck off about your sob story”, her daughters have now taken the role of bullying me and make fun of me. I haven’t actually spoken to her for 5 years now, I still talk to the other 2.

I feel so lonely and unloved. Everyone who doesn’t know my history always tells me how wonderful it must have been to grow up with all sisters. They’ve never celebrated anything, my wedding was depressing as I had no friends to have a hen night with etc. I’m always alone.

if I’m being truly honest I know people like my kids friend do try to make an effort with me but after every meeting I feel
anxious that I said something wrong or they think I’m a geek. I do tend to close off from people. I feel sad I got born into such a horrible family. In my mums eyes my eldest sister can do no wrong.

OP posts:
SpringboksSocks · 04/11/2023 08:32

OP I’m so sorry to read this and I can only imagine what you’ve been through. Shyness and low self-esteem might not sound a big deal to lots of people, but can be completely crippling. My suggestion would be to try to identify at least one positive thing about yourself every day (eg something you’ve achieved, a nice thing someone’s said about you etc…. or even just something bad that you don’t do if you can’t think of anything!).

Is it a case that you know lots of people and don’t feel close to them, or do you have a hard time getting talking to people at all?

Also have you got any online friends? I know for many people it’s not the same thing, but I do know some people who’ve found amazingly supportive friends online.

iWantachanger · 04/11/2023 08:34

@SpringboksSocks thank you. I do know lots of people but don’t feel close to them. I have forced myself to meet up but I must always come across strange and weird. I just can’t help feeling unwanted all the time

OP posts:
StrawberryWillow · 04/11/2023 09:34

I am so sorry you suffered such a traumatic childhood, that's really awful. Are the 2 sisters you still talk to supportive or there for you at all? How about your mum? Have any of them actually acknowledged what you went through whilst in their care? I totally get how difficult it must be to make friends when you are not confident with people, I'm exactly the same, I'm rubbish at small talk and just can never strike up a conversation with people. Agree with previous poster about picking a positive from each day. How about hobbies, maybe things like yoga or exercise classes? I've just started Zumba and I love it, I'm not necessarily talking to people, but just being out and having time to myself doing something fun with others around is good.

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