Adult ADHD - can't cope with work anymore

[WingingItNoMore]

I'm not even sure what I want to say but I'm not coping anymore and I'm desperate. I just can't work anymore. Even with medication, (which I hate because they make me feel so dull and joyless) I just procrastinate every day. I do the bare minimum. It's not even as if I'm living it up. I just sit at my desk scrolling on my phone for rubbish all day long. I work nights before deadlines. I'm all the time stressed and scared to be found out.

I WFH and that's definitely part of the problem but I can't get myself ready and the kids in the morning. I mean I could but somehow I can't. I don't do it. I loathe myself. I feel so guilty. I wish I could quit my job and do something that is more suitable. Something that isn't desk based or requires so much of self motivation. But my job pays decently and we need the money. My family always tell me that I have imposter syndrome but I don't. I am an imposter.

There's so much else that's going wrong at the moment. I'm totally overwhelmed but my post is getting too long and I should sleep. I dread Monday because I committed to do lots of things and I haven't done them. I'm totally out of my depth at work. It's quite difficult (for me). Highly mathematical. Constantly need to update my skills but it's also quite dull. I've winged it so far but I live in constant fear of being found out. I can't ask for help. I've already asked for too many concessions at work and I'm definitely not disclosing my ADHD.

I don't know what my aibu is. I mean obviously I'm being unreasonable. There is no doubt about that. I should stop whining and just get my shit together but I'm not. Or quit my job but I don't want to do that.

I read something recently about using coffee and exercise to manage ADHD. Basically an early morning quick walk around the block and a huge Americano.

Could you do a day in the office each week? You could schedule your most important appointments/tasks for then

Sometimes when I am stuck in procrastination hell I just start with the easiest simple thing - usually updating my timesheet and then write that down on a “done” list, usually then I can tackle something else until I’m in the “flow”

Deadlines. It's the only way I get anything done. Ever.
Deadlines and breaking down tasks.
Having an agenda for the day, planned out.

Can you get a work coach?

Can you go in to the office?

Also try dirtea or something similar (mushrooms) which gives laser like lucidity

Re getting ready, is there anything you could have duplicates of (some your own, some might be a reasonable adjustment) so you can keep a work bag packed and ready to go.

I find getting ready for work waaay harder now I work from home but also particularly difficult if it's not every day.

So e.g. depending on your office:

Go and buy a travel mug, an entire spare box of teabags/tin of coffee, biscuits whatever you need for drinks to be sorted at the office.

A second charger and mouse and any adapters you need for your laptop so that the only thing that needs to go in the bag is your laptop. A charger for your phone if it will struggle with charge during the day.

A stash of tins of soup/pot noodles/oatcakes so you have something to take for lunch if that's something that you struggle with. I.e. ohhhh I haven't got anything suitable for lunch in the office...meh I'll just stay at home.

Find a pair of office suitable shoes that go with every outfit and keep in bag/at the office.

Then the final hurdle is presumably outfits: I wear dresses every day when I am out so then I don't have to match anything. I have a rainbow of jumpers and just pick one that goes rather than a full outfit coordination.

Obviously actually doing all of the stuff above is also very difficult but if I had a friend ask me to come and spend an afternoon helping them sort that out/basically just coming over and making sure it gets done, I would be happy to.

Then in the morning you literally get dressed (which you do anyway), grab a tin from the cupboard/accept buying lunch as a cost of doing business, shove your laptop in the bag and walk out the door.

Instead of going omg where's my charger/mouse/adaptor and I need a mug and teabags and what am I doing for lunch and omg where are my office shoes at which point the whole thing becomes overwhelming. (Which is what I do!)

I do think you have to separate you from the ADHD OP. It’s a tough thing to live with, it does not make you a bad or untalented person.

I am awaiting diagnoses myself so I don’t have a whole much of advice, but the lack of structure and sleep you are describing would drive anyone nuts. So -

I’d stop working at home right now

I can’t see any reason not to disclose at work? You can do it as part of telling them you need to be in the office.

Scrape some money together (or ask work to help) and get some sessions with an adhd coach. There are techniques which help. Plus doing all the boring stuff (sleep exercise, diet)

I agree w PPs you sound a bit depressed so do see your GP. I do think getting into work might sort a lot of it.

Do some reading around ADHD as I do think you are confusing it with you.

my week has been almost entirely what you described in your OP. I really appreciate that you’ve shared your experience and the kind responses because I’m deep in the procrastination and hating myself for the procrastination at the moment.
I also work from home and I’ve found a lot of the advice you’ve had really potentially helpful (doing it is another thing!) hope you have a good weekend OP and know you’re not alone x

I don't have ADHD but work better in the office, can you go in?

I also create my own internal deadlines for work. If I have, say, a paper that needs to be written in a month, I break down the tasks and put slots in my diary for me to do it.

Might that help?

Thanks for the replies. A new week a new start. I've got a full calendar and tons of work and I got a few messages from my colleague basically saying I definitely need to get started on something so I'm panicking a little. However the meds have kicked in now and before I waste my ability to focus I'm going to put my phone in a different for charging.

I'll reply properly later. Regarding going into the office. Yes, I can and it would definitely help but the same issues that stop me from working from home also stop me from getting ready to go into the office. I do use a pomodoro timer but it doesn't seem to mean much. I just ignore it. I divide tasks into tiny components and tick them off my to do list. Also, I set deadlines for myself as well. In the words of Douglas Adams I love the sound they make when they whizz past me... (Or something like that...). My brain only works with a gun against its head and I can't hold the gun because I know I won't fire it.

You may need your meds changing or tweaking. Mine has just been increased, and whilst it's not perfect, it's better.

Declaring your ADHD means you can have a conversation with occupational health, who may be able to help with reasonable adjustments. It also covers you legally as you have a protected characteristic.

I have undiagnosed ADHD and it's tough.

As you can see I'm here on Mumsnet instead of working...

I'm a teacher! I get to stand up all day and it's very interactive and fits well with the ADHD.

I work 3 days a week, so it gives me the other two days to do all my planning and marking. It leaves my evenings and weekends free for the kids. Most of the time I manage, but last week was horrendous with procrastination and I felt so crap.

My top tips:

1. Write a check list. Do it as soon as you start work. Break the days tasks into chunks. Allow yourself some procrastination time once you've done so many tasks. Ticking off things helps with motivation. My first task is always "write check list" then I get one tick already. yay!

2. Put your phone in another room. Or lock it away! If you need it for work, consider getting a separate work number on a very basic handset that has no internet! Or at the very least put it the other side of the room.

3. Start early. Get up before the kids if possible. The earlier you get some stuff done, the better you will feel. The longer you leave it, the worse the procrastinating and inability to get started.

4. Make sure you are getting sufficient physical exercise. It helps with the focus.

Either go into the office as much as you can (provided there are others there!), or get a new job. WFH isn’t for everyone!