I really want to spend money on me !

Itsbecauseiamamumandlovethem · 2023-11-03T23:05:48+00:00

I absolutely love my children and understand that they are struggling with finances ,in comparison with us . We are not wealthy ,but we have bailed out problems as they have occurred ! Anyway I really want to go to NZ to spend time and explore with my bestie and go via Vancouver to see my son . Am feeling so guilty because I am spending money that could be their inheritance…please can someone give me a shake.X

Wakemeuuuup · 03/11/2023 23:08

Of course you should go.

I'm all for inheritance but it's your money and something you really want to do. If you don't do this it's like you're just waiting to die, not living

JustALittlePotatooo · 03/11/2023 23:09

I'd personally rather my parents spend 10k on a holiday than me receive 6k or whatever when they die. Plus, if you don't spend it it might go on care fees anyway when you're older, and then you'll have missed out on your holiday plus no inheritance

WrongSwanson · 03/11/2023 23:11

I'd far rather my parents enjoyed their lives. Otherwise I would just feel guilty and burdened by any inheritance

Dacadactyl · 03/11/2023 23:11

Go on the holiday.

It's driving me mad that my parents won't spend money when they've got plenty. I just wonder what they're stashing it away for?! Doesn't make sense to me that after a lifetime of working they're just watching the bank balance grow and not going to see the world.

RaininSummer · 03/11/2023 23:14

It's your money. It's not their inheritance until you are dead.

Toddler101 · 03/11/2023 23:14

Go on your trip. You've earned it. It's your money, present tense, it's no-ones inheritance yet. Enjoy it!

Startagainjanuary · 03/11/2023 23:14

I’m helping out my son now at Uni, I will give him my old car when I replace it for when he finishes Uni and I intend to give him 50k house deposit when I downsize, after that I’m spending what I have when I want to. He’s welcome to what is left. Go on your adventure. Enjoy life. This is all with no inheritance received by me from anyone.

Aquamarine1029 · 03/11/2023 23:17

I would shake the absolute shit out of you if I could, and I say this as a mum of adult children who I adore.

Go wherever you wish to go and celebrate life.

Sonolanona · 03/11/2023 23:21

Go on your trip!!
We are the same, not wealthy by any means, but last year dh , our ds2 (adult but autistic) and myself went to Australia to see our adult son get married... it was so lovely we are going again next year. We are taking the rest of the siblings, plus son-in law and grandchild... most of our savings for two glorious weeks all together!

Meantime we have helped all the kids at different times ( a few K towards house deposit for one, currently helping another to keep her home after divorce etc)

Maybe we will be totally broke afterwards, but in the last year (we are 55 and 61) we have lost a few friends to cancer, heart attacks, another has MND,... tomorrow isn't guaranteed so enjoy today!!!!

Original poster

Itsbecauseiamamumandlovethem · 03/11/2023 23:23

Absolutely all the replies have made me cry with relief! I just really want to go but then feel guilty spending money on me rather than my children!
They are lovely and all tell me to do it . Thank you 😊

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ToadOnTheHill · 03/11/2023 23:26

Its not inheritance until you're gone. Sorry to be crude but you could require very expensive care or get sued, anything could happen. Spend it or gift it now.

Original poster

Itsbecauseiamamumandlovethem · 03/11/2023 23:28

Sonolanona · 03/11/2023 23:21

Go on your trip!!
We are the same, not wealthy by any means, but last year dh , our ds2 (adult but autistic) and myself went to Australia to see our adult son get married... it was so lovely we are going again next year. We are taking the rest of the siblings, plus son-in law and grandchild... most of our savings for two glorious weeks all together!

Meantime we have helped all the kids at different times ( a few K towards house deposit for one, currently helping another to keep her home after divorce etc)

Maybe we will be totally broke afterwards, but in the last year (we are 55 and 61) we have lost a few friends to cancer, heart attacks, another has MND,... tomorrow isn't guaranteed so enjoy today!!!!

Thank you . Maybe I spend too much time procrastinating! I think that I just worry too much 🤷‍♀️My mum went on amazing adventures and it never crossed my mind that it was inheritance..my children are pushing for me to do it!😊

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PrinnyPree · 03/11/2023 23:37

I would be devastated if my Mum didn't go on a once in a lifetime holiday just to leave an inheritance. I'm sure your kids feel the same, it's your money you saved, I'm sure your children don't feel entitled to it. Please have zero guilt, they will be happy their Mum is making lovely memories! Xxx

WannaLiveInABubble · 03/11/2023 23:40

I would much rather my parents enjoy the money they've earned, travel and live life than not just to leave me inheritance. GO.. ENJOY!

PrinnyPree · 03/11/2023 23:40

Itsbecauseiamamumandlovethem · 03/11/2023 23:28

Thank you . Maybe I spend too much time procrastinating! I think that I just worry too much 🤷‍♀️My mum went on amazing adventures and it never crossed my mind that it was inheritance..my children are pushing for me to do it!😊

Show quote history

Aww in that case you HAVE to go, if they realised you didn't go just to leave money to them they'll be left with guilt rather than just money. Xx

Original poster

Itsbecauseiamamumandlovethem · 03/11/2023 23:44

PrinnyPree · 03/11/2023 23:37

I would be devastated if my Mum didn't go on a once in a lifetime holiday just to leave an inheritance. I'm sure your kids feel the same, it's your money you saved, I'm sure your children don't feel entitled to it. Please have zero guilt, they will be happy their Mum is making lovely memories! Xxx

Yes my children are lovely human beings and appreciate me and are definitely not entitled..its me just worried about their future with COL !

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mrsfollowill · 03/11/2023 23:56

When my dad retired and got his pension he and mum did some amazing long haul trips whilst they were still fit enough- drinking 'Singapore Slings' in Raffles en route to 3 weeks in Australia- 3 weeks in South Africa was another magical time. Loads of European holidays as well- foodie trips to France- week in Venice etc. Dad died 20yrs ago but had those brilliant experiences in the last 10 yrs of his life.

My mum is now 80+ and even though she can rarely leave the house due to illness/disability still has the memories which are priceless!
I don't care about inheriting money - I've earned my own and built my own pension as well. I think it's fabulous they had such a good time. I intend doing the same

mrsfollowill · 03/11/2023 23:57

Forgot to add - you MUST GO!!

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 03/11/2023 23:59

Oh good lord! Of course YANBU!! I had this argument with my mum a few years ago and I had to get a bit sweary with her and say 'you owe me NOTHING. You raised me, taught me so much, are an incredible grandmother to my DC, and I consider you to be one of the best people in my life. For all that you have given us, I need you to start taking a bit more for yourself, so that YOU can be happy.'
Then I swore a bit.
I think she got my point. She's been on about fifteen holidays since, and it's made her so happy that I feel happier knowing that she's doing things that she really loves (she went to Canada too, and had an amazing time).
Just think how much you have paid in over the years. Now it's time for you to do what you want.

persisted · 04/11/2023 00:42

You say you are ‘worried about their future with COL’ whilst I know this is meant kindly I would find that quite patronising from my parents. You will have gone through times with tough finances and managed it, as will they. Not spending your money implies you don’t think they’re capable when they clearly are.

JustWhatWeDontNeed · 04/11/2023 00:49

Honestly? Fuck any thoughts of inheritance. They get whatever is left after you've lived your life.

PinkPantherPrat · 04/11/2023 00:53

Definitely go

MermaidMummy06 · 04/11/2023 00:55

Spend it. My GM told me once she really wanted to go overseas to see family, but would be spending the small amount she'd set aside for each of her grandchildren to inherit. My DM also talks with guilt over there being no inheritance. I tomd them do whatever they want. I'll earn my own!

Honestly. It's your money, spend it!!

redalex261 · 04/11/2023 01:29

Spend your own money. Enjoy experiences or whatever, you have earned it, not them. Your kids will do fine without it. TBH a high proportion of people fritter inherited money away on what their parents would have considered crap as they perceive it as a “bonus”.

Catopia · 04/11/2023 08:10

You have earnt this time in your life. Take the trip. See your son in Canada - maybe not just once but once a year! He will value those memories far more than the inheritance.

My parents spend the first few years of their retirement travelling lots, and I'm so glad that they had those experiences and took that time together.

NZ I cannot recommend highly enough. I am going for the second time early next year. It's a wonderful, special place, but I recommend doing it when you are still active, as the hiking etc is wonderful.