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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To priest or not to priest? Reception school help!!!

63 replies

Rainbowflashlight · 03/11/2023 22:51

Our DS is due to start reception in 2024.

We are orthodox Christians with strong Christian values, not originally from the Uk, we want our daughter to go to our local Church of England school.

We go to the church as and when though… and the churches we go to are all Orthodox, we are not committed to a specific one.

Would it be appropriate to go to the specific Church of England church that the school is affiliated with and ask the priest to sign the supplementary form? It will be the passport for our DS to go to this school.

We are also relatively new to the area and I haven’t seen this priest ever before in my life…. And it feels weird!

AIBU - Don’t do it, you will annoy the priest
YANBU - Go for it, the priest will understand and help

OP posts:
Original poster
Rainbowflashlight · 04/11/2023 12:14

@Backtomyoldname I believe an Orthodox priest would prefer the kid to attend a non-churchy school, as there are no Orthodox Church schools, in fear that he may be tought something that is not in line with Orthodox principles.

He would also advice to visit ideally on a weekly basis an Orthodox Church (…even if the closest one is 45min driving and we also have a baby to look after…) in order to raise the kids with the “correct” values, principles etc.

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMooncup · 04/11/2023 12:38

Rainbowflashlight · 04/11/2023 12:14

@Backtomyoldname I believe an Orthodox priest would prefer the kid to attend a non-churchy school, as there are no Orthodox Church schools, in fear that he may be tought something that is not in line with Orthodox principles.

He would also advice to visit ideally on a weekly basis an Orthodox Church (…even if the closest one is 45min driving and we also have a baby to look after…) in order to raise the kids with the “correct” values, principles etc.

They're generally in favour of attending a Faith School. If they weren't I wouldn't have spent years handling documentation completed by Orthodox (Easter, Oriental, Russian, Greek, Romanian, etc, etc) Priests, Baptist, Pentecostal, Seventh Day Adventist, etc, etc, Marthoma, and all other faiths and denominations for a Faith school.

Original poster
Rainbowflashlight · 04/11/2023 12:59

@NeverDropYourMooncup Thank you, this gives me hope…!

We will go to our closest Orthodox Church and we will speak to the priest after the service…

Please wish us luck!

OP posts:
Callmemummynotmaaa · 04/11/2023 12:59

OP. I can’t answer in relation to orthodox priest preference, but, our local catholic school and CoE schools are very clear on the importance of attendance. Both are oversubscribed. Families attending church have to get specific attendance booklets signed weekly, and these have to be brought to each parish office on two particular dates to be inspected in order for the priest or pastor to sign the forms needed for school.

Some leniency would be shown if you had your previous priest documents showing weekly attendance, but only if you could document living there at the same time. If living locally, it’s local attendance that counts. Limited to no leniency is shown for expanding families (those with newborns would be told they are welcome to attend) or those with additional needs.

It causes controversy here. It seems from the threads that the only way to find out for your school, is to ask. Perhaps both the Orthadox priest of the church you are most easily recognized? And the local COE priest? (But be prepared that without frequent attendance they may say no).

Original poster
Rainbowflashlight · 04/11/2023 13:03

@Callmemummynotmaaa Thank you!

To be honest we used to have an amazing non-church school near us that also was outstanding. Last year the head changed and new ofsted report graded it as good.

Thats why I was not bothered with specific church attendance, although we used to go to the church both in my home country and also in the Uk when that was feasible given the new baby etc. (as the closest Orthodox Church is not local and it’s a proper logistical challenge with naps/feeds)

OP posts:
Original poster
Rainbowflashlight · 04/11/2023 13:04

We are Christians and believers, but it’s hard to be a practicing Orthodox Christian in the Uk if you leave in a relatively remote location…

OP posts:
Original poster
Rainbowflashlight · 04/11/2023 13:07

Tomorrow we will go to the Orthodox Church (starts at 10.30am) with the form and we will try our luck… Baby will have to have his lunch in the church during the service at 11.30am and then he will have to nap in the pram just for 30’ and ultimately miss his 2hour lunch nap.

It would have been unreasonable to do this every Sunday!

OP posts:
Callmemummynotmaaa · 04/11/2023 14:07

I hear this! I’d 2 under 2 (now 3 under 4) and work in healthcare (so in our home we shift work/work weekends. The max ever home on weekend days is one parent to 3 kids and we live an ocean/plane away from family). So church attendance even bi-weekly would never have been feasible. Sadly…our faith based options were very quick to tell us, that they understood and didn’t like the system themselves but that putting strict limits in place was their way of safeguarding it/respecting attendance. Hope they are nice(r) tomorrow for you! Seems to be very location dependent.

Friends that have met criteria, have sacrificed a lot to do so (to be fair to them). Ie. Spending 2-4 hours of their only family day together at church based activities. Missing kids party’s. Unable to travel frequently to visit family if a train away. Etc etc.

NannyR · 04/11/2023 19:28

Rainbowflashlight · 04/11/2023 13:04

We are Christians and believers, but it’s hard to be a practicing Orthodox Christian in the Uk if you leave in a relatively remote location…

I don't know much about Orthodox Christianity, but if you consider yourselves practicing Christians, is regularly attending another, more local, denomination church a complete no-no? I think the Roman Catholic Church is more closely aligned with Orthodox than Church of England.
As a Christian myself, I'm struggling to understand the mindset of attending no church at all being a better option than attending one of a different denomination.

Gifgirl · 04/11/2023 19:42

OP, I work for the CofE. I'm afraid to say that we wouldn't be signing forms for people that we don't know.

Schools want to know that you are regular attendees of church. The forms will ask the vicar to clarify that you attend regularly as a family, and for how long. No minister is going to be able to fill that form in for you unless you have been going regularly and for quite some time.

StarlightLime · 04/11/2023 19:44

The priest is literally confirming your attendance at his church, op.
You can't just rock up anywhere as a complete unknown who hasn't actually attended the church at all.

SoShallINever · 04/11/2023 19:48

Oh OP, come on, you are basically asking how you can get your child into an oversubscribed school ahead of others. You don't go to Church and you probably won't go even if your DC get a place. Just do the right thing and send them to a non faith school, you can still do the God things at home.

CurlewKate · 04/11/2023 19:48

Well, at least you're not pretending you're doing it for anything but the school place. A bit icky, but not actually dishonest.

If it's oversubscribed you may need a CofE baptism certificate. And regular attendance.

Wolfiefan · 04/11/2023 19:49

For a C of E school you would need to be regular C of E church attendees for those two years. It’s not enough to consider yourself Christian or attend as and when.

FFSWhatToDoNow · 04/11/2023 19:50

How orthodox is it to expect a priest to lie to get you an advantage you aren’t entitled to?!

CurlewKate · 04/11/2023 19:51

"Friends that have met criteria, have sacrificed a lot to do so (to be fair to them). Ie. Spending 2-4 hours of their only family day together at church based activities. Missing kids party’s. Unable to travel frequently to visit family if a train away. Etc etc."

What, like actual church going believers? Well, beat me on the bum with a Woman's Weekly!

StarlightLime · 04/11/2023 19:54

CurlewKate · 04/11/2023 19:51

"Friends that have met criteria, have sacrificed a lot to do so (to be fair to them). Ie. Spending 2-4 hours of their only family day together at church based activities. Missing kids party’s. Unable to travel frequently to visit family if a train away. Etc etc."

What, like actual church going believers? Well, beat me on the bum with a Woman's Weekly!

Quite... Shame on you, op.

SweeetFemaleAttitude · 04/11/2023 19:56

You need to read the entrance criteria, no one can tell you. Normally they count any member church of ‘churches together in England’, for those living in the parish. This means you don’t have to attend the church linked to the school, for example those attending a Russian Orthodox Church would be attending a member church.

Tiggles · 04/11/2023 19:57

As a priest I sign a lot of school forms for lots of different schools (primary and secondary).
I would never lie on them, or be economical with the truth, but I would always be happy to sit and listen to a person's circumstances and help when possible.

SweeetFemaleAttitude · 04/11/2023 19:59

My personal experience of attending a non-English church at a distance from home is the priest signed the form, and recognised the practical reasons for attending the nearest Christian school. However, he did know us long-term. He didn’t stick to the ‘every week’ rule, travelling over an hour and a half there but he knew us as part of the community who collectively struggled at times to travel

OtherSideofNowhere · 04/11/2023 20:03

Rainbowflashlight · 04/11/2023 13:03

@Callmemummynotmaaa Thank you!

To be honest we used to have an amazing non-church school near us that also was outstanding. Last year the head changed and new ofsted report graded it as good.

Thats why I was not bothered with specific church attendance, although we used to go to the church both in my home country and also in the Uk when that was feasible given the new baby etc. (as the closest Orthodox Church is not local and it’s a proper logistical challenge with naps/feeds)

If I understand this correctly, you do have a good school locally that you could attend, but you prefer the outstanding Ofsted one? Have you visited the schools? Has the CoE one been inspected recently? If not, there's no guarantee that if Ofsted turned up tomorrow they'd say it was still outstanding. It's got a lot harder for schools to keep their outstanding ratings.

Dogdaywoes · 04/11/2023 20:30

I'm a non-denominational Christian. I attend a non C of f E church regularly. I applied for a c of e primary for my kids because I wanted them to attend a Christian school and there are no non-dom Christian schools here. I just put the church I do attend on the form and ticked the box of "religious affiliation". My kids aren't christened but it wasn't an issue because we did still meet the requirements. I suspect if it had been over subscribed with people claiming religious affiliation (it wasn't, but was oversubscribed) then we may have struggling more.

StarlightLime · 04/11/2023 20:31

Dogdaywoes · 04/11/2023 20:30

I'm a non-denominational Christian. I attend a non C of f E church regularly. I applied for a c of e primary for my kids because I wanted them to attend a Christian school and there are no non-dom Christian schools here. I just put the church I do attend on the form and ticked the box of "religious affiliation". My kids aren't christened but it wasn't an issue because we did still meet the requirements. I suspect if it had been over subscribed with people claiming religious affiliation (it wasn't, but was oversubscribed) then we may have struggling more.

How did you meet the requirements if it was oversubscribed?

Dogdaywoes · 04/11/2023 20:33

StarlightLime · 04/11/2023 20:31

How did you meet the requirements if it was oversubscribed?

Show quote history

Because non-dom Christian is considered religious affiliation. The criteria was LAC, religious affiliation then proximity. We met on religious affiliation.

Commonwasher · 04/11/2023 20:59

Hello,

The best thing you can do is phone the parish office of the church that the school is attached to and make an appointment to speak to the priest (called the Vicar or Rector in the CofE). Tell him/her you are Orthodox, new to the area, and wanting to talk about local churches and schools. Then you can meet them and explain your situation.

I would leave the form at home as nobody is going to sign it upon first meeting. Explain that you have not been to church since coming to the uk and having a baby (perfectly understandable), explain how your faith is important to you and how you hope to bring your children up within a church community, explain that logistically it is hard at the moment as there are not many Orthodox churches in your area, explain your quandary about wanting your child to go to a school with daily Christian teaching & worship. You could also tell them that you have a priest from where you lived previously who might vouch for your church attendance. If your child is baptised, that will help you — it will not matter which denomination baptised them as baptism is recognised throughout the church.

They will be interested in your journey and story as a whole, and what your hopes are for your family & faith are, way more than whether you turn up for the required number of Sundays in order to tick a box.

You might want to do likewise with the Orthodox priest. But, again I would leave the form until you have seen him more than once! In my experience, most church leaders are pleased that people in their congregation want their children to go to a faith school with regular biblical teaching & worship, even if this is not necessarily their first choice of denomination.

Hope it goes well.