To think he is lazy and selfish!

[rollonretirementfgs]

DH works remotely. Sometimes goes to London, sometimes works from home. Computer based job.

I work 3 days a week. Children go to school 20 minutes drive from home. I do school runs 3 out of 5 days.

I also do all shopping, cooking, most of the washing up, cleaning/organising the kitchen.

I feed and walk the dog, DH sometimes walks him.

I do all washing, ironing, putting away.

I do ALL cleaning, tidying. Making beds, tidying toys, organising things.

I do all school prep (PE kits, uniform etc)

DH takes eldest child football training and to matches on Sundays.

DH participates in leisure activities/sports 3 nights per week plus Saturday morning.

Is this a fair split of responsibilities? I think he is lazy, DH thinks this is fair.

I think the key to this is equal leisure time. If you don't have an incredibly time consuming hobby, you need to take one up. Possibly golf? And/or cycling, book club, walking group, local historical society. Then pursue these interests a minimum of 3 times per week. No time is not an option. If that's what he gets that's what you get. Leave a list or verbal instructions for what needs doing when you are out. Watch out for strategic incompetence, he will need to learn.
You can enjoy your time off and come back rejuvenated, hopefully combating your resentment. He will learn how much goes in to running the house in your absence.

This.
Cant believe a lot posters say he works more so you do more...wtf.
He would have to do it all if he was living alone..OP would be doing less if she lived alone...not having to carry his load. He needs to do more, the entitled lazy twonk

On the days you work he should get the dinner on as soon as he finishes and have it ready when you come in . Presuming you commute. He should walk the dog everyday before he starts as has no commute and you are getting dc ready/ driving to school. During his lunch break he could thrown on a wash/ empty the dishwasher while the kettle is boiling. All these things help but take absolutely no energy from him.
Going to sports is important as he is at home in his office all day so needs to get out...fine!
On your days off go to a gym/ meet a friend/ go for a walk..don't let yourself be at home all day working.
He is quite definitely not pulling his weight and it wouldn't take much for him to take a few burdens off you.

Sorry I don’t understood this at all?
Surely paid and unpaid work that contributes towards the family’s welfare should count. On another thread she would be being told she is lazy for only
doing 3 paid working days and none of the unpaid work she does acknowledged. Both extremes of opinion ridiculous

The problem with counterfactual is... he might let the house get into a tip state, or tell the kids no footie is possible, or have to rehome the dog because no one able to look after it, if OP didn't exist. The reality is that they both work & they both contribute towards running the household.

I would like to know if the list OP gave is exactly the same as what he agrees he does, or if he would like to amend it.

Who does the invisible labour here? Organising? She does. I commuted and still commute 4 hours...a day. Im a woman. I would still contribute ay home more than he does. So much allowance for men on here. Its easier being single living alone without having to keep the bloke happy by the man doing less, only stuff hes happy doing.

This would only be remotely fair if all the extra housework and childcare you do takes up no more than 16 hours total each week, thus filling up your two days off. Given your list, sounds like it's considerably more than this. So yes, he's a lazy bastard.

Her labour should absolutely be acknowledged but what is either creating so much work that the the work of the laundry, ironing, online shop, cleaning, organising and some batch cooking can’t be done in her 2 days off? The kids are school aged too so not as if she can’t get on with anything when they’re at home either. Why can’t she go out in the evenings and weekends he’s not out? Yes he should help a bit more at the weekends if he’s off, take turns in having a lie in, cooking dinner etc and by all means get a cleaner etc if it helps. He sounds a fairly decent guy tbh

I’m sorry your standards are where they are, it doesn’t mean the OP’s have to be, though.

You sure are vehemently leaping to the defence of this man across multiple posts, aren’t you @Kats43…

I just think people are leaping to an unfair judgement on him. Yes agree they should both have equal rest and leisure time and they need to work out how they can achieve that if that’s not happening. He sounds like he’s doing almost enough (wonder if he even realises she doesn’t think he is) don’t think labelling him a lazy bastard is going to lead to anywhere but misery for them both in the end

Just some things aren’t as important as a happy marriage and family, yes nutritious food is important but if your going to some obscure market to hand pick ingredients, hand knitting all the kids clothes, ironing bed sheets etc or just creating more work than you need for yourself or maybe by just being disorganised then complaining you’ve got too much to do then you’ve got your priorities wrong. OP be much better off sitting down with her DH to formulate a plan that’s fair and works for them both

I don't think that sounds fair. He needs to step up with childcare and household stuff. Cleaning should be joint effort. It's probably fair that you do more childcare as you work less hours. But household tasks are joint. It's also his home and he is not one of your kids he's a grown man.