To think we need to spend time together without the DCs?

[TheProjectManager]

Just that. Just getting back from 2 days away and we had 2 fights in front of DD (both of which I started). I just think after 13 years of looking after DCs we would get on much better if we actually spent some time together without them. No GPs in the picture and both work full time so how would we do this without paying mega bucks for childcare? Just wondering if or how others do it?

'Family time's is a huge compromise IMO as DC's are 7 years apart and different genders so we often split and spend time with one each to keep them happy, same with their weekend activities.

DH works late and long hours and it's difficult to 'connect' in the same dreary house each night whilst we cook, clean and make sure teenage DH does homework and stays off screens. Now he is going to bed at the same time is us there is very little time for us both.

I've got a few good friends that I connect with and we bare souls and support each other. I'm not lonely but I just think we need some suggestions in prioritising our relationship.

I wish we had a shared hobby or something .... Going out for dinner once a month and discussing the kids and work doesn't seem to do the trick.

We've got a holiday coming up at the end of the year and I am dreading it. I just feel we are coexisting and not really connecting on any level. The arguments I started as I am used to doing things my way with the kids and he is at work 90% of the time. When we spend time together away that dynamic changes and it causes friction.

Reading back it seems like the most depressing post ever.

Please help wise MN xx

Hey I’m sorry I’ve got no advice but I’m feeling the same way. We have a 2.6month old and no grandparents local so very rare to get anytime off. However we did both book one day off together recently when DS was in nursery and Just laid on the sofa watching films. It was bliss and felt like the old us! Could you perhaps book a day off together? It is hard and I’m sorry you’re not feeling great x

When you book holidays do you organise them so there are sports academies or other activities they can get booked into so you and DH can get some time on your own?

Couldn't not reply to this op. I really hear you. We've got two dc 7 years apart.

Teenager just hangs around the house 24/7 complaining and eating everything. Dh works long hours and with both dc doing their own hobbies dh and I are like ships passing in the night.

Things we have done to try to reconnect.

We now take an evening walk together, eldest is old enough to babysit for an hour, may not be an option for you if yours are younger but it can get easier once they are old enough to be left for a little while. Even just doing the food shop without the dc and having a sneaky bar of chocolate in the car.

Book the odd day off and have a date while the dc are at school. Obvs can't do this much but a couple of times a year we take a day just us.

Watch something on tv in bed together each night, it's like a mini date night.

If they’re not old enough to be left on their own for a few hours then maybe see if a friend would help out for babysitting and you can return the favour? Once a month is a good start but maybe not enough and if you ended up discussing the kids and work etc then doing an activity together would maybe be good. You might be able to find a shared hobby? But take it in turns to suggest an activity for the day/evening you’ve earmarked for together time?

How old are your DC? Our eldest is nearly 13 but will still go up to bed at the same time as the younger ones and she can read, watch TV or whatever in her room. It means from 7.30 we always get our evenings together

That sounds tough, can you both book a day/half day AL together and go out for lunch or a walk while the DC are at school if getting out in the evening is too tricky?

Very similar here. All that works is to book days off work together when DC are in school/nursery and go out for brunch and a film to get back before school run. But obviously cannot do this too often as you use up holiday days!