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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A fuss about buying wellies

36 replies

Losingtheplot333 · 03/11/2023 13:00

I am working away today so last night I asked DH to buy DD some wellies for bonfire night tonight on his way back from picking her up from DM, which is just five minutes out of his way.

so as I was leaving for the train today.,I shouted up the stairs reminding him and he did his usual harrumph(think Kevin the teenager full shoulder harumph) ‘but I’ve got lots of work to do’ I explained that she would need them for the mud at the bonfire night and he had said he would go for them when we chatted last night.
Bear in mind that yesterday he didn’t even start work till 1030 in the morning, he works from home and I was off so I know this…
I said fine, but this is 30 minutes out of your day, so just work till later. ( he is doing the work for my company so I know it doesn't matter if he gets it in later today. )

he was still complaining, and I said you know I get everything for DD and I never ask you to get anything that’s only because I’m away that I’m asking you to do this and she needs them this evening.

he got really angry, saying why did I have to get emotive and say things like that in front of dd. I felt I was just stating a fact which she knows as she is 10 and has only ever been shopping with me for clothes etc.
i feel he was being emotive, I was just explaining why it was unreasonable to complain about doing the task. Aibu?

OP posts:
Original poster
Losingtheplot333 · 03/11/2023 14:09

I agree we should have had footwear sorted before now!😊

OP posts:
Original poster
Losingtheplot333 · 03/11/2023 14:11

Thanks. That seems completely reasonable. Why should women always be the ones that take their time to get everything for dc

OP posts:
Fionaville · 03/11/2023 14:21

YANBU. Unfairly, it's part of a mother's mental load to realise whats needed and buy all the things for the DCs. You should be able to ask your DH to go and buy them.
As the @InTheRainOnATrain saying its unusual for a 10 year old to wear wellies. That's a weird reach. My DD10 and her friends often have wellies on. She's had them on nearly every day this week. Dog walks, pumpkin picking and once for a Halloween hunt in the woods. She'll have them on this weekend for bonfire night too. What else are 10 year olds supposed to walk round wet, boggy fields and woods in?

InTheRainOnATrain · 03/11/2023 14:45

Fionaville · 03/11/2023 14:21

YANBU. Unfairly, it's part of a mother's mental load to realise whats needed and buy all the things for the DCs. You should be able to ask your DH to go and buy them.
As the @InTheRainOnATrain saying its unusual for a 10 year old to wear wellies. That's a weird reach. My DD10 and her friends often have wellies on. She's had them on nearly every day this week. Dog walks, pumpkin picking and once for a Halloween hunt in the woods. She'll have them on this weekend for bonfire night too. What else are 10 year olds supposed to walk round wet, boggy fields and woods in?

OP’s DD clearly doesn’t do a lot of outdoor muddy stuff like boggy fields and woods because otherwise they wouldn't be 2 sizes too small. And then thinking of my nieces/nephew and older siblings of my 6YO who around that age- never seen any of them in wellies. My nephew even refused snow boots for skiing as was insistent his trainers were fine, because pre teens! Probably depends where you live though.

And OP your issue is taking on the mental load all of the time for 10+ years. Absolutely fair enough that you’ve had it but so long as you keep doing it, your DH will keep expecting it.

Original poster
Losingtheplot333 · 03/11/2023 16:03

Thanks for understanding my point of view. Also, we live in the countryside so wellies round here are a must really, as the river sometimes floods in
severe weather like we’ve had this week. I think the people commenting about not needing wellies live in the city perhaps 😊

OP posts:
ChekhovsMum · 03/11/2023 20:00

YANBU. He thinks clothes buying, noticing when things are too small, dressing kids appropriately for the weather etc is a woman’s job, when you work as well. Posters who just blindly accept this are really not thinking about the implications for women of all this extra labour. It makes people miserable and causes relationship breakdowns. It gives working men with working partners an easy home life so that they can do more at work, earn more, maintain more friendships, do more hobbies and generally be more rested and content with their lives than women are. It’s a fucking disgrace and we should all be fighting it.

Original poster
Losingtheplot333 · 03/11/2023 20:10

This!! Thank you for seeing that this is so wring

OP posts:
Original poster
Losingtheplot333 · 03/11/2023 20:23

Totally agree I shouldn’t have said anything in front of dd. Thanks

OP posts:
BigBoysDontCry · 03/11/2023 20:24

ChekhovsMum · 03/11/2023 20:00

YANBU. He thinks clothes buying, noticing when things are too small, dressing kids appropriately for the weather etc is a woman’s job, when you work as well. Posters who just blindly accept this are really not thinking about the implications for women of all this extra labour. It makes people miserable and causes relationship breakdowns. It gives working men with working partners an easy home life so that they can do more at work, earn more, maintain more friendships, do more hobbies and generally be more rested and content with their lives than women are. It’s a fucking disgrace and we should all be fighting it.

Hear hear!

Obviously not all partners are like this but a lot are, even if it doesn't start like this it descends into it as one partner takes on more and more. Often not even realising it and at times actually enjoying the autonomy and control.

Then they wake up and realise that they are doing 80% of the work and 95% of the thinking.

The lack of understanding and appreciation causes resentment to build up and before you know it the relationship is done.

Original poster
Losingtheplot333 · 04/11/2023 17:03

I agree re him keep doing it which is why i am splitting up with him. Dd had a pair pf waterproof walking shoes for the woods etc until she recently outgrew these but due to the flood I decided to replace the wellies for the above muddy trip

OP posts:
Original poster
Losingtheplot333 · 04/11/2023 17:05

yes that is a very good analysis. Totally agree

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