To kick him out and not give a f?

[feelinglost11]

Been with DH for 7 years, have 1 DD together and he has 2 DD from previous, we've been married 17 months.

He made some new friends at the start of the year, been going out everyday of the week not coming home until 6am on weekends but was jus told I'm being paranoid etc.

Went abroad just the two of us in august and low and behold found out he'd been cheating. No sex from what they both say but they had kissed a few times on nights outs and was texting 24/7.

I thought I've got to push it to the back of my head while we're away and deal with it when I'm home. Got home obviously DD is obsessed with him (she has GDL, autism and a few other things so doesn't really understand too much) so I tried to move past it. It's been 2 months now he's done nothing to change, still be going out etc I always go on his phone when he's not looking (unhealthy I know) and don't find anything but I've just had enough.

I tried to call it quits a few nights ago but he gave the sob story he has nowhere to go, where are his kids gonna see him, nowhere will accept the dogs etc ..

Just for context my mum brought me a house in 2020 so admittedly I don't have to pay rent but he's lived in my house for years, got 2 dogs I didn't want (sorry dog lovers) and his 2 kids have the big bedroom for when they decided to come over, they are pre-teens now so hardly come over, while our 5 year old is in the box room 7 days a week. He's like having another baby I can't even comprehend it but whether he's here or not my life is no different.

I've just had enough of all of it but I haven't got the heart so kick him out. I can't forgive him for what's he's done and I'm just miserable. After I tried to finish it the other night he woke up the morning like everything was sunshine and daisies and I don't have the energy to start it all over again..

Help 😩

Don’t let this man emotionally manipulate you in to changing your mind about him leaving. He didn’t care about your feelings or the consequences when he was behaving as he was, why does he now expect you to not only care about his feelings but to prioritise them over your own

Get him out and give your child a decent bedroom.

He’s mugging you off OP. Wife who no doubt does everything for him, looks after his child, provides accommodation for his older kids, provides a roof over his head so any financial contribution is considerably less than he would pay otherwise? Sounds like he’s into a cushy little number to me. You deserve better.

Hrs taking the piss out out of you and your allowing him. You're nit responsible for him.
Get his arse out of your house.

That wasn't a sob story OP. That was a logistic issue, he doesn't give a shit about your feelings. If he had those issues sorted for him, you wouldn't see him for dust.

For starters that big bedroom that isn't being used needs to be swapped for your bairn. It's time to start shoving him out of the door. Tell him he isn't welcome and the door is over there and he can take his dogs with him.

He is a cocklodger, living the life of a single man, while you do all the domestic work and pick up the tab. No way do I believe he only kissed this other woman. I would be showing him the door today, with all his stuff in a fucking bin bag and yes, as a PP said, he can fuck off to where he was staying at till 6am. Let's see if the woman who was shagging him likes him living with her. I do feel sorry for the dogs, poor things, lumbered with a useless owner like him.

OP, you KNOW what you have to do - for your own sake but more for your child's sake. You do not want this utter knob in their life.

Oh come on, OP, this cocklodging bastard is making a complete fool of you.

Pack his bags and kick him out. He's been living rent-free for years so he should have enough money to go.

He's a cheating freeloader. Get rid.

Start prioritising yourself and your daughter.

He sob story is still all about him .

sooner he has gone the better .. he does not show one ounce of consideration for you or Dc ..

his family should also know you deserve more .

OP
You deserve to be treated with love and respect
Im horrified that this abusive manipulative man has demolished your sense of self so much .
Dont cover for him with “friends/his cousins , your family .
Tell them what he’s done - it will liberate you
You owe him nothing
Chuck him out
Change the locks
Block him and any enablers
Get yourself checked out for SDIs

You deserve much better

You have the right to be angry. He has destroyed your relationship not you.

Unless there was abuse I would never kick someone out onto the street.

But I would give him until X day to find somewhere to stay, perhaps next weekend.

This isn’t working and it doesn’t even matter if he’s had sex with someone else or not.
He needs to leave.

Everything will be better without him.

He sounds disgusting.

The longer he is there the sooner you'll reach inertia and he will potentially have his claws in further and it will be messier.

Kick him out. Be nice and offer to keep the dogs for 3-6 months, following which they will be rehomed, if you want to.

Expect him to look after DD and be involved as much as he does his other kids. Let some other poor woman take responsibility for him.

This.

Give him notice to quit and start divorce proceedings. If you are close to/ need the good opinion of his family explain to them what the situation is. No reasonable person would expect you to put up with this nonsense. Present your decision as a fait acompli. Possibly show them the post on MN.

If they cut up rough so be it. They will have shown you where you all stand. It could be blood loyalty or the prospect of putting up with his arse. Not your problem.

He has brought this all on himself and the kids WILL be taken in by someone until he can provide a home. Your DD will not miss him as much as you fear: he's hardly ever there.

Prenez courage, OP. All will sort itself out but you have to set the ball rolling.

He sounds like an utter cunt but you might need legal advice regarding the eviction.

Or rather your mum might if she still owns the home.

He cheated on you and has no respect for you. You owe him nothing. Send him packing.

He’s probably thinking why should he change though? He sees you giving him chance after chance, knows you are close to his family , will care about the impact on the kids etc so probably assumes he can keep getting away with it.You have to show him - with actions - that you will not tolerate it any longer.

Im sorry OP . You don’t deserve to be treated like this

This. The big room in YOUR house should have always been for YOUR child. Kick him and his baggage out. Your dd will adjust. He is just using you and making a fool of you.

He steps not one toe in that house op.

You need to end this relationship for your own good. This is going to eat away at you and destroy your self confidence, make you resentful and watchful and it will ruin your life.

Please don't let him do this to you. Your life is worth much more and you need to boot him out and never look back.

Don't martyr yourself for your dc. It's not worth the impact it will have on you as a person and all your relationships.

So he's having an affair, has no intention of stopping, his dcs take over your house, and he's lived off you for years.

His sob story is irrelevant. Why are you reading this rather than packing his bags?

Instead of saying he doesn't want to leave because of YOU he's just said he has nowhere to go the dogs etc...! You deserve so much better!

You know what you need to do OP, don’t let him take advantage of you any longer.

He needs to accept the consequences of his own bad decisions, if he started dicking around to an extent that it affects his current living situation he should have had a back up plan in place. The fact he hasn’t isn’t your problem

@feelinglost11

OP this man is playing you for all his worth and you are failing to follow through and get rid, once and for all. The way things currently are he will still be in this situation until your daughter has left home and you've retired.

If you need help to shift his worthless hide from your home then DO get the support of your family to get him and his dogs and his children (your step children) out their property. He's never going to move as things are working out just great for him currently.

Be brave and hoist those "big girl pants". Deep breath, get support from your family, get him out and divorce him. Do not buckle. Do ensure when you manage to divorce him that you go for final financial settlement, before your decree absolute, so he doesn't come back and sting you for any money, property, etc which your family might pass onto you. That's for you and your child's future. 🌹