Silent - aibu

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Quite often when I ask my husband questions, it is like talking to a brick wall. I get very little in the way of interaction.

Eg how is work? What do you think about the Middle East situation? "I'm worried about one of our kids, what do you think? Etc

He's quite bland and hates talking about current affairs and news. He hates a debate and would rather stick to discussing his quite specialised hobby. He says it's because "he doesn't know much". It's not true. He just chooses to only read about sci fi. He doesn't care about stuff I'm into.

Today I told him I was concerned about something medical. And again I may have been chatting to a brick wall.

We had a massive argument. He says I don't know the ins and outs of his work which is a load of rubbish. I don't think anyone would expect to know exact details of everyone's work day. He has no clue what is on my calendar, or who I chatted to or what my client is called.

He says I talk too much. I maybe do but I compensate for him. Eg small talk, chatting with kids, I also wear my heart on my sleeve and if something upsets me I chat about it. I enjoy debates..etc.

I've noticed conversations with his parents are one sided. He talks about sci fi, and tv shows but will not ask details or questions to others.

Anyway, we are on a long journey. So I've stopped. I've stopped talking. And the silence is deafening. He has literally nothing to say to me, even when given all the space to talk.

It's just a crap situation. I feel I get nothing in return. I'm not being mentally challenged if that makes sense.

Aibu? What have people done to resolve this?

ok so he’s not into chat, and it’s ok for him not to be interested in the Middle East etc. Rightly or wrongly my head is full of work stuff and I don’t want to learn or discuss or debate on my downtime like I used to before I was working and a Mum and permanently tired. I just want peace. So I can relate to your husband.

But I’d be concerned when you’re talking about your health and he’s dismissive. That’s a bigger problem.

I'm not sure I understand how you got together, but okay, let's stick with it.

If he's not interested in current affairs, then sure, abandon that topic perhaps.

I'd be pretty bloody upset if DH didn't want to know and understand about a medical issue I was facing. I don't care if he is bored out of his mind by medical stuff, I'm his wife and I'm facing stuff. Ditto, we have previously argued when he doesn't want to discuss the decision making for something to do with the kids. But that has improved because I pointed out on more than one occasion that it's not like the fact that he doesn't want to think about it means it just goes away and who does he think he is to just pick the bits of parenting he likes and ignore the rest.

At a bigger level, if you have nothing in common anymore, then that is an issue. DH and I talk about politics, racism/sexism, social issues etc. these are all things we are both interested in. We talk a little less about current events because I am a wuss who gets upset if I spend too much time thinking about wars et c- but I do force myself to stay on top of the key themes, I just don't want to debate it at length - and I'm not really interested in music so that's something we don't talk much about. I'm also not particularly interested in sports, but he is, so we chat about that sometimes because I love to see how excited he gets about all sports and how much he loves to see brilliant people doing brilliant things. He is bored senseless by food and cooking but will indulge me because he knows I am interested in those things.

Sounds very much like my ex, nothing to say and when we split I did not miss him as there was nothing to miss. We could go on an 8 hr car journey in silence. He was never a companion, do you have companionship in your husband?
In the very early days I found him too chatty as you do when you first meet telling each other everything about yourselves.
He was similar with his own family, he could keep up being hospitable for a while and then it was left u to me to entertain them.
I found my outlet for social companionship with family and friends.
It does sound as if he has lost interest in you, stopped making the effort, not interested in what you have to say which is diminishing for you.
However some people are quieter than others, don't feel the need to make small chat and there is nothing wrong with that.
However it is a problem when one partner does not feel listened to and heard, can you spend the rest of your life in a marriage like this?

To be fair these are all awfully boring lines of questioning with little potential for a fulfilling conversation. Maybe he’s just smart enough to know when not to waffle on about something not in his area of knowledge

Honestly, if I was with someone who absolutely, for whatever reason(s), didn't want to have conversations with me, that would totally make me leave.

So you were asking him questions about him. Has he ever, for the duration of your relationship, asked any questions about or shown interest on you?

He either isn't interested in what you have to say or he is incredibly bland.

DP and DS are like this - both ND, (what used to be called Aspergers)
I'm used to it. They have other qualities.

And incessant chatting is very annoying I have a neighbour who does this - constantly questions me - especially when I've just got in from work and she catches me parking the car. How are you? How's work? How's DS? How's DD? I saw the garden was looking a bit XXX - do you want me to pop over on Saturday and help you cut back those bushes? How's your bad knee?? AAAAGGGGGHHHH!!!!!

I've learned now that that is how my DS and DP feel if I chat to them too much.