Tired of constant criticism

Summersolstice88 · 2023-11-03T08:21:03+00:00

Ita not even 0830 and so far Dh has moaned at me for the following: Not putting a hat in DC's nursery bag despite the fact DC is obsessed with having his hood up so there's no room for a hat Gave DC (2) too much to drink last night and his nappy leaked this morning (I actually didn't give him anymore than normal to drink and its the first time in weeks his nappy has leaked) DH had run out of socks so apparently I've not done enough washing this week despite the fact I've done at least 2 loads a day and he didn't tell me he'd run out - also the fact I work full time and DH has been on a late shift all week and spent all morning in bed before going to work This is just a standard day in our house, I can't breathe without being told I'm doing something wrong and I'm reaching the end of my patience now! Rant over!

SavBlancTonight · 03/11/2023 08:28

Hes a dick. What exactly does he contribute to your life?!

Nemareus · 03/11/2023 08:31

You need to see yourself encased in fluffy cotton wool so it doesn’t get under your skin. If this is the way he is and you’ve decided to stick with him try the following:-

No hat”you’re right honey, well done for remembering!

Leaking nappy “lucky you caught that! Would you mind/did you change that. Thanks!”

Socks “Did you not wash them yesterday morning? Strange, you are usually so good with laundry!”

This is not appeasing him, it’s dealing with conflict positively and de escalating. He will also feel bad that you are cheerful despite him being mean and grumpy and will eventually up his game. The alternative is to be in a constant state of low level bickering that will kill your relationship. I deal with grumpy people cheerfully all day and the positive approach not only works, it stops me feeling bad for getting grumpy too. Instead I can feel good at dealing with difficult situations effectively.

coffeeaddict77 · 03/11/2023 08:31

Stop doing his washing. The other comments I would ignore.

Original poster

Summersolstice88 · 03/11/2023 08:41

Other critism from the last few days:

Oldest DC(8) had a school disco last night where there was a stand with some snacks and toys for sale, sent her in with a bag and a purse with £4 in. Dh moaned that this was a stupid idea and she couldn't be trusted. However when I said that the other mums were doing the same he said it was a good idea!

I was 5 minutes late finishing a call for lunch yesterday (wfh) and agreed to have lunch with him before he went to work but my (important) call ran over, apparently should have left to be on time for him

I didn't wake him up yesterday ro take oldest ro school as he had a bad night's sleep and was sound asleep when I got up so let him have a lay in but because he then didn't get to see her in the morning that was my fault (but he can go away on trips with the lads for 3-4 days and not bat an eyelid over it!)

OP posts:

OhComeOnFFS · 03/11/2023 08:59

He sounds horrible! What's keeping you there?

CalistoNoSolo · 03/11/2023 09:07

He's vile. Does he criticise the children as well yet? I would have told him to fuck off long ago, bit you've had children with him so you either divorce or meet it head on every single time, pointing out very plainly that he's a miserable, whiney fun sponge and that he's killing the affection you have for him.

Redlarge · 03/11/2023 09:15

Tell him to shut the fuck up and take some responsibility for his kids and home.

Mary46 · 03/11/2023 09:27

My mother does this. Draining listening to it. Tell him help out more at home if this could take some stress off you.

FartSock5000 · 03/11/2023 09:54

@Summersolstice88 at what point in your life did you just resign yourself to this type of 'love'? Why do you accept it?

You're going to end up pulling back emotionally and physically from him and your marriage will be dead in the water.

You already do more than he does. You carry a full time job on top of the majority of the mental load. You do the majority of housework, cooking, childcare and all the admin like birthday cards and dental or dr appts.

Why on earth do you accept this? You're not just a skivvy, you are one who is being micro managed!

This isn't really love. It's control.

Mamabearsmile · 16/10/2024 03:27

Wake up and ask him to find your bra....get fluff out of the babies toes and make sure other child has three cornflakes in his bowl...just to express unreasonable...

username3678 · 16/10/2024 03:32

He's treating you like staff.

user1492757084 · 16/10/2024 03:48

Nemareus · 03/11/2023 08:31

You need to see yourself encased in fluffy cotton wool so it doesn’t get under your skin. If this is the way he is and you’ve decided to stick with him try the following:-

No hat”you’re right honey, well done for remembering!

Leaking nappy “lucky you caught that! Would you mind/did you change that. Thanks!”

Socks “Did you not wash them yesterday morning? Strange, you are usually so good with laundry!”

This is not appeasing him, it’s dealing with conflict positively and de escalating. He will also feel bad that you are cheerful despite him being mean and grumpy and will eventually up his game. The alternative is to be in a constant state of low level bickering that will kill your relationship. I deal with grumpy people cheerfully all day and the positive approach not only works, it stops me feeling bad for getting grumpy too. Instead I can feel good at dealing with difficult situations effectively.

Edited

This exactly.

Your husband is stating problems.
Commend him for it and do not be in the mind set that it is your problem alone.
You are in this together as a team.

Remember to notice when it is approriate to pat each other on the back and be thankful. Your non victim behaviour and your adult way of calmly addressing, with out blame, will hopefully rub off on DH and he will learn kind conflict resolution too.

It would also be appropriate to appoint some household tasks differently each year. (ie. husband does his own, and the school kids' washing.)

If you are staying with this man, don't let him bring you down.
Be responsible for your own happiness and never take what he says personally.

user1492757084 · 16/10/2024 03:53

Consider taping him just to let him, in a quiet moment, reflect what it is like for you all to live with his groaning.

Don't replay it to cause an argument or a tense afternoon but only replay it if he is serious about hearing you and finding other ways to respond to problematic household occasions.
Let him, on his own, think about how he could have better responded. He might be up for counselling. He might be depressed.

Aria999 · 16/10/2024 03:59

This is an old thread.

How's it going @Summersolstice88 ?

LostittoBostik · 16/10/2024 04:06

Nemareus · 03/11/2023 08:31

You need to see yourself encased in fluffy cotton wool so it doesn’t get under your skin. If this is the way he is and you’ve decided to stick with him try the following:-

No hat”you’re right honey, well done for remembering!

Leaking nappy “lucky you caught that! Would you mind/did you change that. Thanks!”

Socks “Did you not wash them yesterday morning? Strange, you are usually so good with laundry!”

This is not appeasing him, it’s dealing with conflict positively and de escalating. He will also feel bad that you are cheerful despite him being mean and grumpy and will eventually up his game. The alternative is to be in a constant state of low level bickering that will kill your relationship. I deal with grumpy people cheerfully all day and the positive approach not only works, it stops me feeling bad for getting grumpy too. Instead I can feel good at dealing with difficult situations effectively.

Edited

I know this is an old thread but this is really good advice and I'm going to try it