Archaic societal norms that need to change

[Autiebibliophile]

For me it's the 6 week holidays. It worked well in a time where the majority of families were one income families. Where village communities were much more present. Grandparents typically lived close by and could help with childcare. When we had typical seasons before global warming kicked in.

I grew up in the eighties, summers were playing out all day. If my mum needed to go somewhere I went to my grandparents or a friends house. It was simple. Now it's just 6 weeks of childcare hell. Spending a fortune on childcare, expensive holidays, activities. It costs a fortune and I'm not convinced children get much out of the break anymore.

I think it needs cutting down to three weeks, And give parents two weeks they can use at their choosing (at certain time periods in the year)

What societal norms do you think are outdated?

And then factor in them all being on holiday at different times

A lot of these are social policy rather than norms, but:

Social norms in general, and the idea that they’re compulsory. I’d like to see the back of that. There are many ways to live life and society shouldn’t facilitate the idea that the married hetero nuclear family is the only proper superior way. I feel similarly about other more trivial norms like needless table etiquette (balancing peas on the back of a fork anyone?)

The traditional concepts of masculinity and femininity, and by extension, heterosexuality always being assumed as the default. I don’t see that actually benefiting anyone. It should be absolutely normal for men to be primary carers or equal parents, have flexible working, do chores and pick up the mental load (but I do unfortunately think women facilitate useless men too, unintentionally, by buying into the traditional feminine persona and therefore feeling compelled to just do this stuff rather than drawing a strong boundary and demanding true equality). Likewise it should be normal for women to have shaved heads and drive lorries and never want children if they so please. I don’t think the traditional set-up is really a free choice in our current society when other options are so discouraged.

marriage. Just abolish it completely and all the misogynist guff that comes with it (changing names, father giving you away etc). don’t even get me started on the wedding industry.

Consumerism and capitalism. It’s not a binary choice between that or dictator-led communism. The norms that arise from this like the fetishisation of homeownership and the “keeping up with the Jones’s” culture - burn it all. Universal free childcare, house price caps, nationalised services etc.

British prudishness. Nudity is not inherently sexual or shameful or taboo. We’ve all got the same bits, get over it.

the idea that men and women can’t be friends without something nefarious going on.

the idea that you shouldn’t simply say “no thank you, that’s kind of you to invite me but it’s not my bag” to an invitation you don’t want, and have to make up a convoluted excuse instead

The notion that you MUST bring a gift or money to a wedding. Perfectly fine to turn up empty handed.

There’s probably more as I find a lot of things annoying!

Oh sorry one more. The idea that selfishness is always bad and being a doormat/martyr/putting yourself last is commendable (especially for women). Women need to prioritise themselves more!

And that 'No' is a full sentence!

Agree - the Scots have this right. I'd make the summer holidays about five weeks though and add an extra week to October half term (and bring it forward a couple of weeks).

I know some parts of the country already have two weeks in October.

Also stop gender stereotyping.

You'd think so but we in Scotland hold our summer in May/June and autumn commences without fail on 1st July. So the kids spend the best of the Scottish summer sitting exams.

Reading and writing.

You are right, they have to memorise the "analysis" as well.

Have you ever looked at a medieval text? The language & handwriting are quite different to what we teach children today. What paedagogical models did monks develop that are still in use? Did they invent phonics?

i think this is a very good point, teaching needs to change, and also be taught 'life skills' like how to budget and cook basic meals and such like, and yes I am aware I am one of those saying change needs to happen but not saying what that change looks like.

I think that was the original remit of the now defunct 'home economics' which was often just taught to girls.

I agree with @Comedycook in respect of secondary school uniforms . Something more akin to a PE kit would be better .

I thought this too.

Can you enlighten us please ?

Not where I first read about the idea, but on googling, this Hansard discussion from 1943 came up- fascinating!

https://api.parliament.uk/historic-hansard/commons/1943/mar/30/school-holidays-harvest-help

@baroqueandblue sorry I misunderstood. With that I meant my specific school situation. And even then (tho granted it isn't clear) I was actually more referring to the system it's self rather than individual teachers refusing to be flexible.

School uniform. It has its merits but the absolute draconian nature of British schools is mindboggling now I no longer live there.

I live in Scotland and think our system works well.

My DD has no uniform, i always had one but just from watching British programmes based in schools, there seems to be an obsession about uniform. The inspection of shoes just seems like a waste of everyone's time like!?!

I see a lot of women saying they changed their name as they preferred their husband's. Why do you think men never do this?

Why not both decide on a neutral name. More equal that way.

I agree,OP! Shorter summer holidays and longer off at Xmas and maybe a few days added on to half terms. The 6 weeks are sheer hell 🙃

I think there's a lot more to equality than what your name is tbh.

Couples can do what works for them:

I personally had no issue adopting my husband's surname, and like the name. I wouldn't have wished my surname on my husband or my child (sorry parents, but it was a pain that often spelled wrong).

I know folk who wanted to take their husband's name after marriage.

I know folk who both kept their own name after marriage.

I knew a couple who took the woman's name.

I know a couple who chose a completely new name.

I know women who are Dr/Mrs Maidenname for work and Mrs Marriedname for other stuff.

I know couples who double barrel.

I know divorced women who still go by their previous married name.

Why?

Are you factoring in that some of these parents who can choose to take the kids out at different times will also be school staff?

Noo last year it never stopped raining at Christmas.
Its more expensive to entertain kids in winter that summer, ie winter your looking for indoor stuff say softplay or cinema £8 for a couple of hours.
Summer you can spend the day in a park for free.

It's true, a lot of people don't like the cold weather and so the free stuff is less useful in the colder months. There is rain all year round but there's nothing we can really do about that.

And with summer being so wet, I think we saw how much some people struggled entertaining the kids. The free museums were much more packed than usual, that I saw anyway, and there were more DC who could really have done with being outdoors.

Monogamy being the expected norm. Great if it works for you, but for many/most humans it’s not biologically normal and we are setting ourselves up for failure and misery by trying to be something we aren’t.