To ask for the hive mind's help (warning - TMI issue!)

[catchyoubysurprise]

NC’ed for this, but long time user. This is very much a TMI issue, and I’m hoping the Mumsnet hive mind can help me…

I am having a serious fanny issue. My vulva, down the bottom (so the bit between the bottom of my vaginal opening and my anus - goodness, I’m so sorry for your eyes, reading this) has erupted into the angriest, reddest, sorest spots. If anyone’s ever seen that Taskmaster episode with Mike Wozniak, you’ll understand what I mean when I say “it’s an absolute casserole down there”.

It started about 5 days ago, and has gradually got worse. It feels like the world’s worst razor burn, and it’s so painful that the back of my thighs are burning. I'm walking like the world's worst John Wayne impersonator and making a very sad noise every time I sit on the loo. Before anyone asks, there’s zero chance it’s an STI, as I’ve not DTD in well over a year.

Any wisdom, and any solutions would be gratefully gratefully received.

Make some ice cubes or ice while you wait for your GP appointment?

Speak to a pharmacist!

Sudecrem and go

GP sorry

I was hoping someone would have some exceptional wisdom so I don't have to call my 8000 year old male GP 🥲

Need to see gp. Could be thrush, could be herpes from decades ago, could be a bacterial infection.

This sounds like vulval ulcers. Most commonly caused by Herpes, more unusually Syphillis. There are some non STD causes if you're convinced it's not that. Epstein Barr Virus can do it (Glandular Fever) and some weird autoimmune conditions too. Sometimes just your body unhelpfully over reacting to you being unwell/viral/run down. I'd probably see a sexual health clinic who will swab just to be sure and might provide some topical steroid cream to calm it down.

Could you try a different GP? I have a lovely younger female one so I’m lucky, but if you call for an emergency appointment you’ll get someone on the rota who is unlikely to be a man. It’s likely that a conversation about switching to a younger/female Gp isn’t entirely off the cards too.

Unfortunately it could still be herpes even if you haven't had sex for a long time, it can lie dormant for years. Regardless, I'd make an appointment (or drop in if they offer any) at your local GUM clinic. They are the experts in all things genital, STI or not. I was sent to them because I had recurrent thrush at one point (which actually turned out to be eczema) but they tried multiple things, I was under the for ages, and then eventually did a biopsy which suggested eczema so they referred me onto derm who confirmed it. Anyhow the point of that story is they will do more than an STI test. Good luck it sounds horrible.

Herpes, either the simplex version or more unlikely the zoster variety. The virus can lay dormant for years and then when your immune system is low it strikes.
If you don’t want your GP faffing around, go to a sexual health clinic. They will not bat an eyelid, and you’ll get the appropriate treatment.
Don’t use anything on it until you’ve seen someone. Rubbing cream onto the area may just cause it to spread further. Wash carefully, pat dry and cotton underwear. Maybe avoid trousers and wear a dress/skirt until it clears up.

Are they like blisters or lumps or spots with a head?

Tips for immediate relief? A cream with lidocaine in it. Damien a sanitary towel and freeze it. Once frozen let it defrost for a few minutes and apply. Make up a big batch of chamomile tea. Get it fridge cold, dip flannels in it and sit on the flannel. Have a salty sitz bath.

But yeah, that'll only do you till you see a medic.

Hope you're on the mend soon.

My best wisdom is to go see a medical professional - not a GP but a sexual health one, public or private. Or a gynaecologist. I had an embarrassing vag thing a few years ago and went to a private sex health practice and it was surprisingly fine and okay and it got sorted easily.

To me that sounds like Herpes, sorry OP.
There are other ways of contracting it even without recent sexand it can also lie dormant for years after being infected before your first outbreak.

I would get that examined at your local GUM clinic.
you don’t necessarily need antibiotics but you need it tested so you know what it is because herpes never goes away and it’s dormant in your body.

For immediate relief, get some Vagisil cream to numb it, you could also buy one of those gel pads that are for using on stitches after giving birth. Have you changed washing powder or soap? To keep clean in the meantime & for when you need the toilet, I would buy one of those squeezy bottles for after giving birth & fill it with weak salty water, if you feel very dry, I would buy a tub of aqueous cream & use that. Buy cotton pants & wash on a hot wash with non bio washing powder & use vinegar instead of fabric softener. If you are worried about germs from the sores, iron the gussets with a hot iron. My bet is that you have some kind of super thrush, I had something similar, when I went to the GUM clinic the doctor took one look & said she didn't need to examine me any further as my skin was literally falling off, I was prescribed a week's course of the oral tablet, extra strong Canestan with hydrocortisone, some kind of antibiotic to stop the area getting infected. The doctor insisted on me going back every 7 days until everything had healed, like you walking was agony, sitting was agony, I spent as much time as I could with no knickers on, every night as soon as tea was over & done with I was upstairs having a salt bath & then laid on the bed with no knickers on. I couldn't wear trousers, jeans or leggings for about 3 months.

Could be shingles?

I would get to the local gum clinic. So much less embarrassing than your GP by the sound of it.

It’s possible
its lichen sclerosus

They're like red lumps/spots - no head to them, and not blistery

Sounds like a really nasty ingrown hair to me, might be better to speak to your GP. We

It sounds like herpes. Don't bother your GP make a same day appointment at the GUM clinic. You could have had it for any length of time.