How are you meant to process distressing emotionbal flashbacks?

[BewilderedBelinda]

What does processing mean exactly? How do I do it?

After talking in therapy about something that distressed me a lot as a small child, I keep getting waves of that afraid feeling like as a memory. It is very unpleasant and it's hard to just ignore it to be honest, it's pushing to the front of my brain.

The whole thing came up because of an aggressive male neighbour who scared me yesterday, which brought the memory back up.

Apparently I should 'process' this but how can I do that, what does it involve?

Emdr

I should add, I made a(nother) cup of tea and had some chocolate, which did make me feel better just now but don't think that's what is meant by processing feelings. That's probably eating the feelings isn't it

But it did make me feel less panic stricken.

I've heard a lot about this, including some quite scary stuff about it making people worse.

I wish I knew... I was told cbt would help.. I had 1 session and I really didn't like my therapist and didn't go back

I have no idea what "processing" would mean or entail in this context. But what helps me with flashbacks and intrusive thoughts is meditation. Accept that your thought / flashback exists but it is not you. You are not your thoughts or your feelings. You don't have to get carried away by the flashback. You can acknowledge it and let it go. Breathing techniques and mindfulness will help.

It just means feeling the sensations your body, staying aware of your feelings and reactions. Anger, grief and fear are the big feelings we don't want to feel as they are uncomfortable and scare us. But if you feel it, it passes through you. It is uncomfortable, but that's how you process it.
Maybe check out somatic experiencing, Irene Lyon on YouTube.

Anger, grief and fear are the big feelings we don't want to feel as they are uncomfortable and scare us. But if you feel it, it passes through you. It is uncomfortable, but that's how you process it

That's really interesting. It seems like grief and fear are ALWAYS with me in the background as constant companions, and I take regular time to allow them to be fully present. I cry when I need to when I have privacy and whatnot.

Yet the grief and anxiety never go away. Maybe I'm not doing feeling the feels right I suppose.

I don't think I really understand how these difficult types of feelings work!

I did have a therapist at one stage who said I needed to cry in front of her to heal, and I could not do that.

But I did cry in front of the current one and I can't do it anymore, but don't think it made a difference really.

What kind of therapy are you having? What are thier qualifications? I’m not sure how on Earth being told to “process” what happens helps. For context I’ve been working through the same thing- intense flashbacks from childhood trauma. I go to therapy to process it. I’ve never been told by a therapist to process it, although that’s exactly what I’m doing.

Just to give you hope - I think I’ve only had one or two flashbacks in the last year, they used to be daily.

Yes, I love meditation in general.

It's hard to describe, but there's no way I could meditate when this emotional flashback happens.

You wouldn't know anything is happening to look at me but internally it's like I've been hijacked emotionally and there's just fear and dark shit.

But I'm not hyperventilating, or doing anything outwardly except maybe restlessly tossing and turning in bed if it's at night.

EFT (tapping) is great for anything traumatic.
The Eden Method.
Somatic experiencing.

A therapist can guide you through the experience in a way to remove the emotion associated with the memory.

EMDR. Eye movement desensitisation re-programming.
That is what processing is.
I’ve had it for trauma and it helped hugely. Definitely did not make it worse.

@RandomButtons I am so sorry about your childhood trauma. It sounds like you're really making progress, you must be pleased. No, the therapist isn't telling me to process, but from reading around a bit it seems like processing the experiences and feelings is a key to feeling better.

I find some of the sessions where I talk about some of these stupid things that I find really hard - it's hard then afterwards and I just want to see if I can do the 'processing' myself in between sessions to feel better and hurry things up.

Play it through forwards, then backwards in your mind.

Pick out the 6 or so key things/feelings in the sequence.
Until you can slow down every section and switch forward and backwards at will.
Then start to remove the middle sections until you’re playing the first, then the last part.

Controlling the thoughts, rather than them, you. This control allows them to fade. It’s really hard at first, but very useful skill to have.

Usually it means to recognise the fear and feel it to process it so it no longer has power over you. Instead of stopping it short each time. Bit like feel the fear and do it anyway, like lean in and acknowledge to your inner child what happened was scary and not your fault but you are now able to handle it.

Oh OP I struggle with this too and have been wondering. I'm working with a therapist and at the minute it goes like this:

I have a major flashback to the extent that I start shaking. So my system got reminded of an experience in the past and calls DANGER. I then need to recognise the feeling and work to get out of it before it ruins my whole day or days on end. If I know what the flashback reminds me of I need to find a way to show to myself that's in the past and not now. I do this guy trying to imagine this feeling or situation in my childhood home 30 years ago and then imagine myself as an adult now in 2023 without it and as someone who has power over their life and has choices. I have to keep doing this repeatedly for hours or days on end to not crumble under the emotional flashback. It is work.

Meditation does not help when I'm in an emotional flashback with a physical reaction.

"The Body Keeps The Score" is a very clear and accessible book which covers how the brain works, how unpleasant flashbacks occur, talks about EMDR - I think it might be useful for you to leaf through.

My local library has it on audiobook and ebook so you might be able to read it for free even.

This is encouraging. How do you think you processed this?

It's good to understand it in theory but reading a book won't really process old feelings and reduce flashbacks.

I’ve heard really good things about EMDR for this exact purpose. Dealing with traumatic experiences.

I think talking therapy can dredge it up and keep it coming to the surface though.

Maybe look in to inner child work. I found this useful when dealing with childhood trauma (DV in my case) and the resulting panic and anxiety. Good luck OP 💐

Another vote for EMDR, it definitely helped me.

Well Freud would say you need to become conscious of what the problem is in order to let it go.
But emdr appears to do the same thing but perhaps within the unconscious mind. Reprogramming the superego without the ego being involved as it were.

I'm sorry you are struggling with this.

I actually asked my therapist something like this after we talked about so e traumatic events - how can I change how I feel about something bad when I've felt traumatised by it for 50+ years? Her answer was that talking about it with someone sympathetic and kind can help you to accept that it happened but it wasn't OK.

We also talked about recognising which 'part' of me is reacting (or over-reacting) to a present situation. Often it's the 7-year-old version of me for example. We've also done EMDR, and exercises where we imagine the traumatised child in a safe place, and talk to her as an adult. I'm not 100% sure how it's going but she is open to trying different things. I hope this doesn't sound like a load of psycho-babble! I find it more helpful than CBT certainly.

Interested to read about 'The body keeps the Score' in this context - I've seen it discussed in relation to chronic pain too.

I'm having EMDR now. It is helping

Specifically for dealing with intrusive flashbacks, and getting fixated on reliving a distressing experience, I’ve found the swish technique helpful:
https://www.oxford-hypnotherapy.co.uk/tools/swish-technique/
Basically you learn to see the image of the unpleasant thing, and then rapidly replace it with something pleasant that you want to think about it instead. You swap the unwanted thought for the nice one with a whoosh or swish. With practice you can get rid of the upsetting thought very quickly every time.