Self obsessed or narcissist?

[Tobeorno]

I have known someone since we were about 11 and as we've got older I'm getting the increasing feeling that she's a narcissist. I kind of want to cut her off as she is so self centred.
Are these traits of a narcissist?

She takes continual selfies. Every night out has to have an outfit pose before leaving (of just her). Then she shares them on insta. It's a sea of me me me.
She has photos of herself everywhere.
She shares lots of old photos of herself as a baby and small child often accompanied by a caption about how cute she was.
Every WhatsApp starts with I. She doesn't even pretend to be interested in what anyone else is doing or how they are.
She never bothers with anyone's birthdays or Christmas.
Sometimes she promises things then just pretends it never happened by not mentioning it again.
She thinks she is right literally all the time and will argue until you submit to her point of view.
She has cut people out who don't make all the effort with contact etc even though she doesn't make any either.
She has a confidence like I've never seen. Her parents and grandparents have spent her life telling her how amazing she is.
She isn't traditionally attractive but oh my god she thinks she is.
She can't hold on to a man.... I think they find her too pushy and she doesn't want children.
She makes arrangements with people and then drops out.
She is always underwhelmed with nice gifts she is given.

I can't think of everything right now but I'm just getting fed up with her. We're 30 now and it's just getting worse.

She sounds really draining, self absorbed, selfish and self centred.
Do you have others you can spend time with?
maybe slow fade and move on with your life, some friendships are not forever.

She certainly sounds very self absorbed. Narcissism is a label which is thrown around too liberally. True NPD is actually quite rare.

The selfies thing could just be down to living in the age of social media. Lots of people sadly feel they don't really exist or have any worth unless they have a strong SM presence. Other points just sound like she's flaky. Actually people with NPD tend to be very good at keeping up appearances of being an amazing friend. They won't let you down if they make a promise because they need to keep up the facade of being a good, respectable person, and because they might need something from you in the future. Their behaviour is very calculated and how they come across to others is of extremely high importance.

In any case this person sounds exhausting, and to throw out a MN cliché, you don't seem to like her very much. She doesn't need to be a narcissist for you to not be friends with her anymore.

She doesn't sound pleasant, but none of that is really smacking of narcissism. Not that she isnt, its just the traits you listed dont mean anything. Taking lots of selfies in particular is nothing to do with being a narcissist or not... have no idea where that idea came from, seems a common one. Many narcissists won't post anything on SM, as they don't like to be too visible.

Narcissism is not someone seeming to have confidence or loving themselves. Narcissism is a personality disorder and a particular way of being. Not selfies and being uninvolved in WhatsApp chats.

She could be self absorbed, equally she could be really insecure and putting on a mask. She could be disinterested in other people, equally she could be depressed/fatigued/overwhelmed with her day to day. Being told she's amazing all the time could have inflated her ego, or equally could have made her feel very pressured to be perfect.

Whatever it is, you don't have to be friends with her if you don't like her.

If you don't like someone then there is no obligation to be friends with them.

I'd save yourself the energy of psychoanalysis and armchair diagnosing. Not everyone we don't like or find rude is a narcissist and I'm sure she'd not have much in the way of pleasantries to describe you either if she saw what you really think of her, including the unnecessary low blow of her looks.

Spend your time with people you feel positively about instead and leave her to operate her own life however she wants. The other people on her life can form their own opinions.

God, how bloody boring. She’s probably incredibly insecure but If you really like her I’d try to engage her with counselling for her need for validation if not, ditch.