About Drunk DH?

[chinchi]

Lastnight DH fancied a drink at home and started on the cider. I went to be at 10 after a long day (we have a 6 month old DS)

Normally DH does the night feed, but DS woke up at 2am, and as DH hadnt heard him (he was on the net and had the TV on) I decided I would feed DS as I wasnt very comfortable with a drunk DH doing it.

We had decided before DS was born that if one of us had had a drink, we wouldnt hold DS, but leave it to the other who wasnt drinking. Im not a big drinker anyway so I was happy with the arrangement.

DH heard me preparing milk and said he would feed DS and for me to go back to bed. I said no, Id rather feed him, and then he had a huge hissy fit saying I was trying to take DS from him and that it was his son too (drunken talk)

To avoid an argument and save upsetting DS, I let DH feed him. I slept in the spare room and got up with DS as usual this morning. DH nursed his hangover til 1pm, had a shower ands has gone out without saying a word.

I dont feel wrong in what I did, I was trying to protect DS, and Im certainly not saying DH a bad father- quite the opposite in fact. He said I begrudged him having a drink, and he's the one who works hard whilst I spend his money (hmm, coming from the man who said whatever we have is OURS). Him drinking wasnt a problem- he was already drikning when I went to bed. He drinks once in a blue moon and always regrets it the next day.

Part of me wishes Id kept my mouth shut. AIBU?

bump

What makes him drink? Why is he so angry? These seem to be the root problems. He really really needs to get help. I think you did right to stay quiet and not aggravate things while he is in a mood. Does he get more reasonable? Can you wait until that happens and talk to him? You can also go and see a Relate councillor... he doesn't even need to be involved. They have very good advice and support. You will need childcare during the appointments.

And I also think the listening visit is an EXCELLENT idea. And look after yourself. Make sure you don't get tired and do nice things for yourself. That way you will have more energy to deal with you DH's problems.

He drinks once in a blue moon to be honest, but his anger is something that is more constant and more of a problem.

Im still keeping my mouth shut- best policy really. Last time we didnt speak for 5 days he came grovelling.

But make sure it is not a loaded silence. Get on with your life and make sure you are ok. Let him feel you are just giving him space. You are obviously the strong one here. If you want your relationship to work you may need to carry on being strong. I am not sure whether punishing him and trying to make him feel bad so he would come grovelling is a good idea. My DP gets even more unpleasant when he feels bad about upsetting me. And it all adds up and turns into a viscious cirlce. Completely backward thinking but I don't think they can help it.

Thanks fireflytoo- great advice Much appreciated x

DH has apoloised. Said he feels irresponsible and that it wont happen again.

He said he wasnt planning on being out all day Monday, but after I made no contact he presumed I didnt care and so he drank again.

Next step is the doctors on Tuesday. Thanks for all the great replies x

Great isn't it the way he has handed you the blame for him staying out all day drinking. Sorry, but that really is what he is doing and I hope that you didn't buy it. I think a withering "that is a bit pathetic" look was in order after that one.

I always think that if the relationship is ion danger then there is no point in pulling punches and I tell DH exactly what I am thinking re that kind of thing. Don't let him turn it round on you. Tell him you were getting on with your shit and will not take responsibility for his, the fact he felt irresponsible is something, but that is because he did something irresponsible, NOT you.

I hope at least his apology was sincere and that he does go to the app on tuesday.