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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Pregnant and don’t know what to do

4 replies

Whattodonoww1 · 02/11/2023 15:14

I’m 38. I met DP when I was 35. We talked a LOT about what we wanted in the future and I was VERY clear I wanted a family and that I didn’t even want to begin dating someone who didn’t also have that dream for the future. He said being a dad was something he’d always wanted (he’s 4 years older) and after we moved in after a year, we planned to ttc a couple of years after that.

At the start of this year we talked again about it and said it we would think about trying next year. I was fine with that, I had some career stuff I wanted to sort first and I was happy with the timeline. We were very happy living together and in summer this year I actually came home one afternoon and DP said he’d been thinking about how amazing it would be if I suddenly said I was pregnant. All gravy I thought… looking forward to the future together.

I found out I was 7 weeks pregnant last month - total accident as we were using contraception. DP has said he actually isn’t sure he wants to be a dad, it probably isn’t for him after all and he thinks I should terminate. I am beyond devastated and angry… presumably he would have strung me along all this time and told me next year when I was another year older that actually he had been lying about wanting a family. I never wanted a baby alone and that’s why I was so clear years ago when we started dating that I wanted someone on the same page as me. But I also don’t want to terminate. I really loved this man. He’s not come round to the idea like a friend said he would, if anything in the last month he’s become very distant and we barely even talk. I feel absolutely horrendous. I know nobody can make this decision for me but I’m really needing some support to come to terms with all this. I feel totally betrayed.

OP posts:
SoVTired · 02/11/2023 15:15

Fuck this man. Not literally. If you want the baby, go it alone.

creativegoblin · 02/11/2023 15:17

I would leave him I think. He has betrayed your trust and confidence and in a way that is devastating to you.

ABCXYZ17 · 02/11/2023 15:20

If you want to have a baby then do not have a termination. Love for your child will be so much more than love for this man. He has betrayed you and it isn’t fair. I know you don’t want to have a baby alone but you’ll be great, I’m a single parent, not through choice initially but honestly I wouldn’t have it any other way now. He may come round, he may not but do what feels right for you. If you terminate you’ll resent him and your relationship is doomed anyway.

Notimeforaname · 02/11/2023 15:25

Leave him and have the baby yourself.
Dont waste another second thinking about him or factoring him into your decisions

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