Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How would you deal with this? Christmas one again

19 replies

Isitreallythattimeagain · 02/11/2023 13:01

Feel free to scroll on by as it is a Christmas one.

We have a budget for birthday/Christmas presents for family. It's a bit of an unwritten rule that we spend £xx amount on each person but everyone seems to get it and we all spend the same amount on one another.

Despite this, every single year mil contacts me, usually quite early on and says that she's bought her gifts from us and we owe her £xxx or sends me a link to something to buy for her, It's always twice the amount we would spend.

It's awkward because she asks me, rather than dh. I usually say I'll let dh know and then he gently tells her that we are spending £xx so will give her something towards the gift.

Even so, the same thing happens again the following year. It's becoming a bit awkward and embarrassing. I believe that she is quite old fashioned and traditional and historically she probably didn't expect men to do any Christmas shopping. She'd just buy gifts for herself and shop on dhs behalf for everyone and tell dh to give her the money.

But things have moved on, we've been married for 15 years and we sort Christmas together. We have many more people to buy for now as we've our own dc, many nieces and nephews. So of course we've had to spread the budget out.

Wwyd?

OP posts:
Jasmin1971 · 02/11/2023 13:09

Something along the lines of;

" I am glad you enjoyed treating yourself to X. Please let us know if there is anything you would like for Christmas that is within our budget. We are sticking to it this year as the cost of living has risen for us, aswell as everyone else. Thank you for understanding."

BashfulClam · 02/11/2023 13:12

Keep getting DH to say ‘well give you £x.xx towards the price’

Ibravedaflood · 02/11/2023 13:13

Well get in first with the budget reminder.. Hi mil remember due to col we will be putting x amount to anything you choose.. Love op and dh.

Riverlee · 02/11/2023 13:13

Get in early and mention the budget.

JustWhatWeDontNeed · 02/11/2023 13:16

Yep. You message now and say you'll be sticking to the budget this year. It all seems rather pointless though. I sometimes buy my own presents to chuck under the tree (cos I don't need anything really) but I don't invoice anyone for them!

angsanana · 02/11/2023 13:19

Get ahead of it, and tell her you're buying your own presents. You've made this an issue OP by letting her carry on. Poor woman probably thinks you're grateful for one less oressie to buy.

HeddaGarbled · 02/11/2023 13:21

I don’t think you need to do anything differently to what you’ve been doing in previous years.

thebabessavedme · 02/11/2023 13:49

How very rude and grabby, your mil has totally lost the meaning of Christmas, I would not be going along with any of this.

Gymnopedie · 02/11/2023 14:04

What's her reaction when DH tells her you're only spending [xx] per person so she isn't getting all the money she's spent on herself?

Isitreallythattimeagain · 02/11/2023 14:04

angsanana · 02/11/2023 13:19

Get ahead of it, and tell her you're buying your own presents. You've made this an issue OP by letting her carry on. Poor woman probably thinks you're grateful for one less oressie to buy.

It doesn't do us any favours because we are expected to go and collect the gifts, bring them home wrap them and return them before Christmas.

We are also expected to buy our own gifts and gifts for our dc. Because if we ask for anything she tells us to get it ourselves and she will give us the money. Deliver them for her to wrap then collect them again in time for Christmas.

As I said in my op Dh has repeatedly gently asked her to stick to the budget.

OP posts:
Isitreallythattimeagain · 02/11/2023 14:08

Gymnopedie · 02/11/2023 14:04

What's her reaction when DH tells her you're only spending [xx] per person so she isn't getting all the money she's spent on herself?

She's absolutely fine with it. That's the baffling thing. She literally says "oh ok that's fine".

But then still does the same the following year. She has even said things like "I don't want much this year so can you order me this, this and this". It comes to twice the budget.

OP posts:
Rjahdhdvd · 02/11/2023 14:11

Her idea of Christmas shopping is really odd….but keep leaving your DH to deal with it. Maybe it’s how she justifies spending some money on herself

Isitreallythattimeagain · 02/11/2023 14:19

It is odd. Reading this all back I can see that it doesn't seem like much of an issue. I feel really awkward because I'm the one she asks.

OP posts:
Possimpible · 02/11/2023 14:22

@Isitreallythattimeagain It does seem like an issue to me, don't worry. If she buys her own, and you buy your own, why do you even bother? Isn't it time to have a discussion and just exchange a box of chocolates, bunch of flowers etc as a nice thought? I love Christmas but adults don't need presents, especially when you're all picking out your own. Just cut out the middle man and treat yourselves.

tattygrl · 02/11/2023 14:42

This is bizarre, she buys herself things, then sends you the bill effectively? Plus the logistical hassle of collecting the item, taking it home and wrapping it, then giving it to her?

Wish I had some advice cos I have no idea how I'd handle that. I would want to say to her look, can you stop doing this 😂but it's hard to do that without running the risk of offending her!

CaramelMac · 02/11/2023 14:43

she obviously doesn’t understand how gifts work 🤣 I’d just say don’t tell me, tell DH when she rings.

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 02/11/2023 15:13

Keep letting DH handle it.

HoHoHoliday · 02/11/2023 15:21

Why on earth have you never called her out on this weird behaviour? I can't believe you (or you all) just go along with it.
So she is buying things for herself and others that will be gifts from you, so you then have to pay her. And then you buy things for yourself that will be from her so she pays you? This is bonkers. You may as well all just buy yourself something.
Just tell her to stop! Tell her you have a gift budget and you are open to ideas of what people would like but you will be gift shopping yourself.

Strictlyfanoftenyears · 02/11/2023 15:42

Why does she buy herself a gift? Secret santa is the way to go. (Just for Adults)

New posts on this thread. Refresh page