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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be upset by this?

14 replies

Zombieof3 · 01/11/2023 21:53

Hi all,

I just want to know if I’m being a bit of sensitive sally over this, but I’m feeling pretty hurt by this.
Basically there is a bunch of mums on a whatsapp group, including me.
The mums have been going out all together, it’s plastered all over social media and now they’re talking about a Christmas night out, I’ve literally not been invited to any of these.
I am a bit of social outcast, I don’t really engage much, I have severe anxiety and I really struggle to fit in anywhere. This just hurt quite a bit, the fact I’ve heard nothing about it. Just solidifies that I don’t fit in anywhere, I’m not a part of any social groups. Just feeling crap and I don’t know if I’m just being super sensitive.

OP posts:

BorisIsACuntWaffle · 01/11/2023 21:55

Ask them. They might not realise you'd want to go?
Or is it just that you'd like to be asked ?

Dacadactyl · 01/11/2023 21:55

How has it come to pass that you are on the WhatsApp group? Have they ever invited you out previously (even if you turned them down and it was years ago?)

MyGooseisTotallyLoose · 01/11/2023 21:56

Where did the night out invites originate? Has everyone been invited individually or was it general discussion on what's app?

Original poster

Zombieof3 · 01/11/2023 22:00

I was invited to the WhatsApp group a while back by the mum. I’m not overly active on there due to work and kids. I’ve been to kids parties and things but I don’t think I’ve ever been invited to any of those things. It seems as though all the other parents have been though and that’s what hurts.

I don’t even know what to say to them about it, just feels a bit crap.

OP posts:

Original poster

Zombieof3 · 01/11/2023 22:00

Nothing on the WhatsApp group, so I assume they’ve done it individually x

OP posts:

windypumpkin · 01/11/2023 22:02

Have you ever suggested meeting up? They might just think it's not your thing?

Dacadactyl · 01/11/2023 22:08

Maybe text one of the mums you know best fron the group and see if they want to go for coffee or meet up with the kids or whatever. Start making a bit of an effort one on one and see if anything materialises that way.

icewoman · 01/11/2023 22:11

groups are difficult, and in my opinion, not much fun, why don't you invite just one of the mums for a coffee or playdate? just naturally, when you bump into one of them at the school gate, or similar?

Flyhigher · 01/11/2023 22:21

If you are in the what's app then you are invited You just aren't engaging.

stemmedroses · 01/11/2023 22:21

I think you are being a bit unreasonable. You get out what you put in.
Do you chat to parents at the school gates? Invite children over for playdates? Chat to the mums while waiting for your children at after school activities?

If they are talking about a Christmas meet up on the group, just send a message saying you'd love to go.

I hope I'm not sounding harsh. I am really bad at talking to strangers and so crap at small talk but when DC started school (in an area where I don't know anyone), I knew I had to make an effort with the parents. I was so nervous about the first party DC was invited to, literally wrote a list of topics I could talk about with other mums. It went OK and the more I met them, the easier it was to chat and now I surprise myself how easy it is, even if it's a parent I don't know. I arranged playdates and my DC has been invited back. I'm at the stage now that I have a few mums I could call on if I needed emergency childcare.

There haven't been any group meet ups and tbh that suits me because while I know it's good to be friendly with other parents, I am also aware that our children could fall out tomorrow and I don't want things to be awkward so while I am friendly with them, it's just based on having our children in common.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 01/11/2023 22:28

They probably don't think you'd be interested.

Bryonny84 · 01/11/2023 22:33

Why not just ask in the group that you'd love to go on a Christmas do and could you go along? Surely no one's going to say no?

TheOneWhereWeDontGiveAPhuck · 01/11/2023 23:35

Are you the only one left out? Is it a school what's app group? What you have to remember is these people have probably met plenty of times where you have declined, therefore they have formed friendships that you didn't give yourself chance to. So they haven't done anything wrong as such.

yellowsmileyface · 02/11/2023 07:46

I know how you feel. I'm very reserved and introverted but I hate feeling left out of things.

Do you actually want to go to these things, or is it that you don't really want to go, you just want to feel acknowledged?

If it's the latter then there isn't really an issue. You'll just have to accept that you're not really a part of their social group. If it's the former, you need to make more of an effort to contribute to the whatsapp group and chat to the other mums. Tell them you'd be interested in going to the Christmas thing.

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