To think I’ve made a dreadful cock up of this?

[Wishingawaymylife]

Long story short, I started an MA this autumn. The MA wasn’t exactly what I wanted to do and I’d had offers from better places to do a subject that I was far more interested in ( they’re only slightly different in real life but made a huge difference to me)
anyway, the course I chose was because they offered me a huge discount and I’m skint basically. I have children, one who’s disabled, I am still renovating my house ( me doing all the work because im poor) I have a job and zero family support so my childcare bills are high too. This course was the only way I could bag an MA within the year which would allow me to get my PhD funding.
I’m a very self led student, managed a first with an average over 80 for my BA without attending more than 15 sessions the whole course ( they did post everything on line which was great) My project was very well received. I did most of the work at night while the kids slept which allowed me to work and keep on top of life.
you know where this is going probably…
The MA is a literal nightmare, couldn’t be less interesting. Lots of attendance for the sake of attendance ( 90 minute commute) and we are given last minute tasks to do which take ages then aren’t even marked or looked at so they were just ‘exercises’ . 2 other students also hate it.
I’m at a loss of what to do now because I can’t afford to ditch this and begin another MA , I’ll not get the funding and I don’t think I can afford the course I really wanted to do and got accepted for . I feel so flat and depressed though, like I want to cry each time I make my way to the uni and I’m usually so polite and cheerful, but they asked me the other day if I was ill because I was so stony faced and silent and I just blurted out ‘nah, I just really don’t want to be here today’ and put my head in my hands till I was able to sneak out and go home early. I missed the rest of the day because I couldn’t bring myself to be there. I asked to swap courses within the uni and they said it was too late so I feel like I have zero choice but to continue now. Deep regrets.
I can’t put this right can I? I’ve got to just suffer it?

Tough situation. A year is a long time if you're miserable. But if it'll help you to get where you want to be, then maybe tolerate it and focus on long term goals

If you are feeling overwhelmed, I wonder if there are ways you could make other aspects of your life easier eg use this website to offer accommodation to someone in exchange for them helping to renovate your house? (I know this is a bit of a random suggestion!)
https://www.workaway.info/

@NeedToChangeName thanks so much. Someone would need to be mentally deranged to want to stay here! It’s a madhouse 🤣 one of my kids is really challenging and this is why it takes me ages to get round the tasks.
Its strange because so many aspects of my life are much harder than this course , but the crap content , repetitive nature , the leaders, the atmosphere is like an energy vacuum it sucks every last bit of personality and drive from me. I’m so close to walking out but I’m sure I’ll regret it.

I don’t know what the solution to this is op except maybe speaking to the tutors about your home situation and your child who is disabled. Tell them that last minute assignments are really difficult and see if they can make some accommodations for you. And chum up with the other students who are dissatisfied with the course also to see if you can put pressure on administrators to change it up a bit?

Learning institutions are (or should be) very interested in student feedback nowadays.

Share your concerns with the institution. Ask if you can attend virtually due to having complex childcare requirements and tell them that short notice assignments are extremely difficult for a working parent of a disabled child to complete to any decent standard, if at all.

I think they should be willing to accommodate reasonable requests if they're a half decent establishment.

I kinda disagree with PP - a year is not a very long time. Especially an academic year which is really only about 9-10 months and 1 of those is already done.

Whilst short notice tasks are not great, does this still fit within the expected hours of work per week? If so, then that seems OK to me as you should (ideally) have that time mentally set aside anyway. Having done an degree whilst working full time and having family commitments, I realise that's often easier said than done!

If I was being super blunt and was tallking to myself, I'd be telling myself to get over this empotive reaction to the disappointment, to see it as a necessary hurdle to get where I want to go and to just crack on with it. Like cleaning and other life chores - it's rarely inspiring or enjoyable but has to be done.

@CobwebsAndCauldrons thanks for your comment, makes a lot of sense. The problem I have is them letting sessions and site visits run over schedule and giving me big attitude when I have to walk out because I have to collect from childcare. We’re talking extremely tight windows with public transport travel. I have no back up, no one else at all that can help if I’m delayed, I couldn’t name a single parent at kids school. I don’t socialise as I don’t have time.
Then they are scheduling random meetings, moving things around - yes they are on days we are supposed to be on site but if it doesn’t meet the formula of being more that 90 minutes after the childminder opens then I won’t be coming. Again, I get complained at and sarcastic remarks. It’s a weird culture, the whole group feels awkward. I really dislike the two tutors on the course, I feel it was miss-sold in terms of the content and they leave no room for those of us who are restricted by responsibility. I’d be delighted if they could issue us with our assignments and just let us get on with putting our projects together. The hours of inane waffle and self-promoting shite is so tedious.

If you already have a first, why do you need an MA to progress to PhD?
In my day, admittedly the early 80s, a first was a first and and MA was a way of "gaining" a first if you had fallen short.

@FelicityFlops I was railroaded into it. Basically told I couldn’t apply for the specific PhD programme with funding without a Masters. It’s quite a niche thing and doesn’t attract much industry funding or anything. Also, thought it was going to be really easy like the BA where I only needed to submit a dissertation and practical. There was never any of this constant hounding and harassment, they just trusted me to get on with it. I was offered a big discount too so it’s cost me almost nothing. I’m worried now if I leave it’ll affect my chances of finding a supervisor because I look like a flake. I have zero people/ social skills so knowing me I’ll struggle miserably through the year rather than have an awkward conversation 🤣

I'm sorry about this - you do sound low.

You took on this course to get you to the next step - it will still do that Focus on the endgame.

Open a dialogue with your tutor/supervisor. This can be via email if you're not good at personal chats. You have family commitments which impact your time - they need to acknowledge that. At the beginning of the session, warn the tutor you have to leave by a certain time. Then leave. That's much less awkward that walking out without warning - just catch their eye, give them a nod and go.

Message all your tutors, explain the constraints on your time and ask for work in advance or to be told what the assignments will be. If they don't comply, again flag it with your tutor. If you can't meet the assignment deadline, they have been warned.

As for the course not being what you want - sadly this is a tale as old as time as there's a lot of mis-selling in higher education. Another course may be exactly the same. Count how many weeks you have left - I'm thinking 20\22 - you can do that. It may be even less if you finish early to start your dissertation.

Whatever you do, don't drop out and mess up the future.

@theresnolimits thanks for this. You’re absolutely right and I will try and find the energy to proceed from somewhere.