Husband moaning about every job he ever had!

[Scarlet5]

I am so fed up with my husband. He had a very well paid job in IT which he left as he had enough of office working and office politics (that was a few years before the pandemic). He then went on to qualify as a bus driver, the job which he also hated and moaned about daily due to unsociable hours, not being able to chose his annual leave and dealing with general public. He decided that somehow the CCTV security job was his ideal job, that's until he actually started working in a CCTV room and realised how difficult it was to maintain concentration forn12 hours straight and work nights! He has now gone back to desk working, working for the government, 3 days in the office and 2 days from home. He has barely been in the job for 3 months, and already stressed and moaning about going unto the office, the workload and the colleagues. He now wants to be a postman!!!

I am on the brink of divorcing him, I really am. I am done supporting him through all his whims, whilst I continued to work in a very stressful nursing job and being the main earner. What donI do? AIBU?

Oh god I couldn’t put up with this!! He is behaving like a spoilt child! Tell him to get a grip!

Is he negative in other aspects of life or just work?
Some people see work for what it is and get on with it but I think others struggle and constantly seek something more but never feel content.

The constant job swapping would annoy me, especially with the uncertainty and lack of employee rights with short term employment.

Also sounds like he's choosing random jobs on a whim without putting any thought into it? Surely he knew being a bus driver meant unsociable hours and dealing with the public?!

YABU in a way because actually, most jobs are shit and most people hate their job. Some people just aren't wired to spend all day every day doing something they dislike just to survive and allow someone else to get rich. And there aren't enough "fun" jobs for everyone to have one, even if there were the "shit" jobs would still need doing (bus driver for example) until they can be replaced by AI.

YANBU. My husband hates his job in IT and talks constantly of changing, he's convinced all these other potential jobs will be way more enjoyable (including being a bus driver/working on a train/delivering groceries) but he's also hated every job he's ever had!

Posted too soon....I actually think he would find fault with any job, so he may as well stay in one that's well paid! He doesn't think about the fact that as a bus driver, he may still have a manager who's a cock, and will have to deal with the public who may also drive him nuts.

He shouldn't try for postal worker. That job is hard work, long hours, and poorly paid. A lot of postal workers are looking for ways out.

But aside from that, he's being ridiculous and sounds spoilt.

I'd sort the money so you both pay into a joint account then what's left is proportionally each's money.

When he sees you're not funding his whims maybe he'll settle down.

Postie is an incredibly stressful job. Not enough staff, and they have stupid targets for letter sorting etc.

My dss thought it would be ok for a gap year. He left after 3 months. He was meant to be part time but was in reality full time to meet his targets.

Could he have ADHD? I have, and I find it hard to deal with stress and stick a job out for a long time.
It's no excuse - he needs to get on with it like I have, but a diagnosis if applicable could help.

My husband is very similar in that he just can't stay in a job that he doesn't enjoy much. Although he hasn't chopped and changed careers to that extent.

Yet I worked for years in jobs that I didn't like that much because they fit with the kids and childcare etc. I really couldn't live like this, it would drive me insane, and I'm not surprised you are on the brink of divorce.

I can see why that would be driving you round the twist. He seems to be plucking things out of the air, romanticizing the job in his head when the reality in real life is much more different.

One thing i would suggest is jumping from Buses to Coaches. Nicer hours, more paid down time between jobs and far less hassle from the public

@Dotjones I really disagree actually. Lots of people, including me, do a job they enjoy and don't mind going to at all. I think you have to first accept that for 99.9% of people working is not optional. It just isn't, it's life. So you then figure out what kind of employment will suit your talents, preferences, personality etc. I get changing a couple of times to figure it out, and then moving about within the industry but not this job hopping that leaves another adult to carry the load. Barring significant barriers of health or circumstances, most adults do have agency to get into a job or career that isn't "shit"

The common denominator is him.

He likely needs to explore why he is so dissatisfied with his life.

As in HE needs to but not with you.

Remind him he will soon be unemployable, no many bosses will take the chance of training someone that is so flighty.

He sounds like my father who is an awful moaner. He retired at 56 and still moans continuously about anything and everything.

OP, it does sound like your DH has ADHD, has he been tested?

I have adhd and this was my first thought also. It isn't an excuse but it might be worth exploring.

some ppl don't like having to work for a living, I know a few like that. I have little sympathy and think they should just get on with it.

I'd be saying ADHD too but your DH needs to see that it is him, not the jobs that are the issue.

You need to tell him firmly that he needs to stop offloading about his job on you. You have listened and given advice for years and years and nothing ever changes. That you are 'not the best person to help him' and he should seek therapy or a work coach to help support him in the jobs he goes into.

His issue is relationships with other people, self esteem and underlying beliefs about others taking advantage of him. There is NO job out there that will solve these issues, short of working as a sole trader for himself with no staff.

If he won't consider ADHD I'd suggest a low dose antidepressant and therapy where he can offload his work complaints to someone else, rather than impact you.

You have got to get the complaining to you to stop. Because it's just not fair to you.

Thank you, he might actually! I'll suggest he makes an appointment with his GP.

I think you have hit the nail, I think he has Social anxiety and hates any job that involves being around people. I will suggest he sees his GP. Thanks 😊

Yabu abit. He doesn’t like job so gets another. At least he is working and tries to solve the situation when he feels unhappy. I wish people would stop suggesting gp like they have magic pills for all ills. Some people are just wandering through jobs, so long as he is earning why does it matter.

@QWERTYoutside it does matter if he goes from 50K a year to 22K a year, and I have to pick up more and more shifts at work to make up for a shortfall. My health is suffering because this, and I am really losing my patience.

My exH (note ex!) is like this. He’s kept the same career but moved from place to place and has now escalated to moving countries to make himself happy at work. He’s never seemed to work out what the common denominator is. It’s always the same - hates a job, looks for a new one, romanticises it, starts the job, proclaims it to be amazing and fantastic and the best ever, then over the next couple of years it’ll slide until we’ll hear “this place has gone to the dogs” and all the faults of management elaborated in great detail, until he’s “incredibly unhappy” and has to move somewhere else. You could set your watch by it.