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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect more replies to 5th party invite

16 replies

starymoon · 31/10/2023 18:48

My son turns 5 soon and as he's at school he wanted a party with all his friends. Sent the invites out and asked for RSVP by text, put a date for 2 weeks after they were sent.

The date to reply was Friday gone, I had 2 replies straight away and then 4 more over the 2 weeks. I had 1 late reply yesterday. Out of 30 kids I've had 7 people confirm and absolutely nothing from the rest.

There's no WhatsApp group, no Facebook page and as he's only just started and I don't do the school run I don't really have any contacts for other parents.

Are they going to turn up?? He's going to be so upset if no one comes. The names he talks about all the time, who he considers his best friends haven't responded.

Is this normal?? There's still a few weeks until the party but it's hard to plan the final bits like food/party bags without knowing who is and isn't coming.

OP posts:
Rosiiee · 31/10/2023 18:51

I’d defo start a WhatsApp group. All you need is to add a few parents to begin with and then hopefully the other parents will have numbers of other parents and so on… if DH does the school runs could he remind the other parents at the school gate to rsvp?

Original poster
starymoon · 31/10/2023 21:24

He doesn't do school runs either, we use after school club and don't often come across other parents from his class on collection.

I just hope they'll turn up on the day!

OP posts:
Williamse31 · 31/10/2023 21:28

Sometimes the kids forget to get the invites from their trays so results in the parents not even knowing there is a party to rsvp to. If you do drop off ask the teacher if the invites have been distributed and go from there. I’ve had numerous texts over the years asking if my DD is attending a party as the invite never made it to me.

Original poster
starymoon · 31/10/2023 21:39

They all have book bags and the invites get put in there, i guess some parents may not have actually looked in the bags but 20+ parents can't have missed them surly.

OP posts:
Autiebibliophile · 31/10/2023 21:50

I hate kids party's as parents often don't reply./turn up. If you don't have numbers can you messenger people via Facebook? Is there any cousins/friends you could invite?

cocksstrideintheevening · 31/10/2023 21:51

Are you still on half term, possibly a two week half term so the parents haven't even looked in the book bags yet?

Nutellaonall · 31/10/2023 21:55

All my party invites are done by what’s app. I would never send out and invite and wait for a reply. Too risky. Ask the teacher for a list of numbers and start a what’s app group.

Saschka · 31/10/2023 21:57

Totally normal, we were in the same situation in Reception (old nursery mums replied, school mums didn’t). I’ll see if I can link my old thread. We ended up with about 20 out of 30 turning up, which was fine with me.

Much better the following year when I knew people.

Questionsquestions134 · 31/10/2023 22:05

I doubt the school is allowed to give out phone numbers. They would have to ask for permission from the individuals.

The other option is to see if any of the parents have a class what's app group you can be added to. If you have invited the whole class you could send an invite on that or via Facebook. If it's not set up you could set one up and put the link for the Foundation at X school Parent and Guardian group and post a link on the main school page. Once a few people have joined you can put the party invite on.

Or do you know any other parents that would be able to check in and see if the other parents know about the party?

Rosiiee · 01/11/2023 04:54

Why don’t you text the numbers you have from the rsvp’s asking if there’s a WhatsApp group in place? Because there might be but maybe you haven’t been added yet. Surely you see other class parents at drop off?

jackstini · 01/11/2023 05:00

Possibly sent them too early/rsvp date was too soon if it's still 'a few weeks' to party date

Send 4 weeks before, rsvp date for a week before - loads of people won't have decided what their plans are yet

Agree half term will mean some book bags haven't been opened yet!

Yes, you will get people turn up who haven't replied, and people not turn up that have. It's a pain

Sure you will get a few more yet

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 01/11/2023 05:17

So you sent them out around the 13th October and there are still "a few weeks" until the actual party? So you sent them out at least 5 or 6 weeks before the party? That's way too early! Most people won't know what they're doing that far in advance. You might get a few more late replies but I think a lot of people might completely forget about it.

I'm not sure what you can do about it if you don't do school runs and there's definitely no WhatsApp group. You could, as someone else suggested, contact one or two of the parents who have replied and ask if they have numbers for any other parents. Or maybe volunteer to set up a WhatsApp group yourself via the teacher and give your number to them to pass on to set it up?

Onethingatatime23 · 01/11/2023 05:19

Someone went round the pick up queue and put everyone's details on a list (who wanted to share them) - this was before Whatsapp. Useful for chasing RSVPs.

Onethingatatime23 · 01/11/2023 05:20

Teachers won't give out details - a parent has to set it up.

minisoksmakehardwork · 01/11/2023 05:29

If there's still a few weeks to the party, you've got plenty of time to check whether people are coming. Realistically 2 weeks before a party is sufficient. Although u guess you might be planning a party closer to Xmas than Halloween to assume you wanted to give parents plenty of notice incase they had Xmas events around the same time.

If you don't see the parents, it's going to be tricky but at 5, it might be you have to do an end of day school run and skip after school club for a session, to get in the playground and see people. You only need to see 1 or 2 and the message will soon spread.

EarringsandLipstick · 01/11/2023 07:00

You sent them way too early. A good number of those will have been put aside with a 'must reply but first need to check what I'm doing in a month's time' intent, and then forgotten.

My eldest (16) is the only one who would have received actual invitations - and even then, only in the v early years.

Pre-WhatsApp someone went around (often me!) to parents at collection time & created the list - we used to circulate it with child's name, parents' names & phone numbers. I work full time & wasn't often at the school drop off / collection but I still made a few specific days to do this & meet other parents.

There were always some parents we might miss, a few who didn't want to etc but we got almost everyone in the end, by cross-checking.

With WhatsApp someone sets up the group & adds as many as they know (if not the first year) & then through everyone asking checking most get added.

Anyway - the short version of that is - set up a WhatsApp group.

In this situation, you need to find one or two parents to check with, get them to check with others etc. you'll get the word around that way.

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