How to overcome feeling completely flat and empty bc of infertility?

[Manycupsofteaforme]

I'm not sure how to manage tbh. The medical problem responsible for no kids also means I have a lot of doctor's appointments and I really, really need a break from medical appointments. But I can't have it. I have another emergency telehealth now coming up to see if I have to go to A&E and I'm so flat and numb and failing to see the point.

It's like I exist to do nothing more than struggle with my health and I'll never have children, so what basically is the point? I'm failing to see it.

You are more than your reproductive system! I completely appreciate you might have really wanted kids and that this is a huge blow to someone who wanted them, but a. having biological children isn't the only way to have chlidren and b. having children isn't the only thing worth living for. Otherwise lots of childless people (by choice or not) would have to off themselves. I'm sorry you're going through such a tough time, which can make anything look bleak. Focus on gettng better now, as you need all your energy for that. Then once you're healthy and in a better place emotionally take stock and look for alternatives (IVF? Surrogacy? Adoption? Fostering? Volunteer with children?). There's always options and reasons to live for!! Chin up!

@Manycupsofteaforme I hear you. I'm in the same boat. It really sucks.
Dreading the day my siblings announce that they are having children.
It's just yet another way of me having failed. Especially as certain family members deem me responsible for developing my illness.

@zusje do you have any idea how utterly insensitive your post is! Seriously 🤬

Oh sweetie, what a rotten time you're having right now.

If the medical issue you're battling right now usually results in all these appointments, is there some sort of patients support group you could try? Sometimes just not being alone is a step up.

Pragmatically, the body isn't all that good at maintaining strong emotions for a long stretch of time. Both deep misery and the radiant joys of romance settle closer to the mean as the months and years go by. So although biology is the root of your unhappiness, it, and time, is also on your side.

For now, be as good to yourself as you can. If exercise and getting close to nature are difficult at the moment, see if you can catch up with a friend or watch a dumb cathartic film where miracles happen, the baddies lose and there is a happy ever after. Hang on in there are remember everyone is different, everyone has a place.

I’m so sorry OP. I don’t think there is any pain worse than infertility. You are grieving for your lost children and grandchildren, and no one really gets it unless they’ve been through it themselves.

I don’t know what the answer is (15 years of trying and failing to have a family via IVF, egg donors, adoption etc) but I found an email exchange the other day between my husband and I, and it was the bleakest thing I have ever read. All I can say is that I don’t feel that bad anymore, so even though I am still in mourning I seem to have gradually come through the worst of it and found some purpose again.

Ignore the tone deaf posters telling you ‘you can just adopt’ etc. Accept you will feel terrible for a long time, but eventually you will find a way to carry it. Don’t expect too much of yourself. You are grieving. It’s really really hard.